“How can something feel so right yet so wrong too?” She almost chokes on the words, and I see the torment ravishing her beautiful face.
“There is no rule book for the things you’ve endured and no one-size-fits-all model for dealing with grief and moving forward.” I rest my forehead against hers. “Just be true to yourself. Do what feels right for you.”
“I’m scared, Dil,” she whispers, staring into my eyes. “I’m scared if I move on I’ll forget him.”
“I won’t let you.” The irony of that promise isn’t lost on me, but I mean it sincerely. I know how much she loved Reeve, and I would never ask her to forget the past she’s shared with him. I realize how far I’ve come. How much Dr. Howard is helping me to process my feelings.
“Do you really mean that?” she asks, clutching my waist.
“I do.” As much as I don’t want to pull away from her, I need her to see my face, to believe this truth. I lift my head, putting a little distance between us as I cradle her cheek in my palm. “Reeve has been an enormous part of your life. You loved him, and no one can take that away from you. Least of all me. I’m just hoping there’s room left for me. That you can get to a place where we can move forward, together. I want your future, Viv, but I will never let you forget your past. I will help you to remember him because him loving you has helped to shape the woman you are today. I happen to love that woman very much.”
“So much for friends.” She narrows her eyes, but the gesture is lighthearted.
“I’m still your friend, Viv, but let’s be honest. Our connection is too explosive to ever let us be just friends.”
“You have matured so much, Dillon.”
“You aren’t the only one impacted by his death. It has forced me to face things I’ve been ignoring for years.”
“I want to move on, but it’s too soon. If we ever get on the same page, I want it to be a fresh start, where there is no guilt or feelings of betrayal coming between us.” She slides out from underneath me. “That day hasn’t arrived yet.”
“It’s okay,” I semi-lie, shoving my hands in the pockets of my shorts. “I understand. Take whatever time you need. I’m going nowhere.”
We return to the others, staying outside chatting and drinking until it turns dark. When we move inside, Jamie and I get our guitars while the girls go to check on East. Ro leaves to go back to his house despite us asking him to stay. My brother isn’t in a good place. He really loves Clo, and the breakup came completely out of the blue. He’s devastated, and I know what that feels like, so I don’t push him to stay.
We play a few songs, and I even coax Viv into singing.
“You should officially sing with the band someday,” Ash tells her. “Not like permanently, but you should record a song with them. That voice is way too beautiful to deny the world.”
“Yeah…no.” Viv kicks off her sandals, pulling her legs up onto the sofa beside me. “I hate the spotlight.” She shivers. “Even thinking about it gives me goose bumps.”
“We could always record something that’s just for us,” I say, taking a swig of beer as I set my guitar aside. “It could be fun. Think about it.”
She lies back, and I lift her feet onto my lap, massaging them without thinking about it. She used to love my foot rubs, and I was fond of bartering for sexual favors in return. Fun times. Slotting back into a regular pattern with Viv would be as easy as breathing for me.
Jamie and Ash watch with bated breath to see how she reacts.
She closes her eyes, settling down into the sofa, getting comfortable. “Hmmm. That feels good.”
My gaze meets Jamie’s as I knead Viv’s feet, and I know he’s rooting for us. He’s been a rock for me these past couple of months. Honestly, I don’t know what I’d do without Jamie and Ash. Jamie smiles, quietly pulling Ash to her feet. They leave the room, and silence descends, but it’s not uncomfortable.
Viv sinks farther into the sofa as I move my fingers from her feet to her silky-smooth calves, kneading her supple flesh as I move higher. I have always loved her gorgeous long slim legs.
Especially when they were wrapped around my neck.
My cock surges to life as I remember all the times I ate her out while she was dangling off my shoulders. Her taste fills my mouth as if it hasn’t been over six years since I last had my lips on any part of her.
“Dillon!” Her urgent tone yanks me out of my head. One of her hands is wrapped around one of my wrists, stalling my upward trajectory. I didn’t realize my hands had moved so far up her thighs. My dick thickens to the point of pain, and if she looks down, there’ll be no disguising my monster boner. I was oh so close to the promised land, but now the gates are being thrown up, shutting me out.
“You don’t want this?” I ask, my gaze lowering to her mouth. “Let me make you feel good.”
“We can’t,” she whispers.
“Why not?” I inch my free hand higher, brushing the tips of my fingers against her lace knickers.
“It’s not right.” She pushes me away, tumbling off the sofa onto the floor. I reach down to help her, but she swats my hands away. “Don’t touch me. Please.”
I raise my palms and back off. “I won’t do anything you don’t want, but I see the lust in your eyes, Viv. I know you want it. Need it.” It’s been three months since anyone has touched her. I know sex isn’t the answer to our situation, but a few orgasms will do wonders for her state of mind.
“It’s not about me not wanting you, Dillon.” She stands, wobbling a little, but she’s not drunk. She stopped the cocktails a few hours ago, switching to sparkling water. “It’s about dishonoring Reeve’s memory on the day our daughter was due to be born.”
I instantly sober up. “You would never dishonor his memory, and taking something for yourself on a difficult day isn’t wrong. But I understand why you feel that way, and I would never pressure you.”
“Thanks.” She looks around. “Where did Ash and Jamie go?”
“They’ve gone to bed.”
She glances at the clock on the wall. “It’s almost midnight. I lost track of time. I’d no idea it was so late.”
“You should just stay here. I have tons of spare bedrooms. You can take the one beside Easton’s room.” I don’t want to admit it’s been remodeled specifically for her because that will probably send her running for the hills.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” She chews anxiously on her lip.
“I’m not going to touch you, Viv. Not unless you ask me to.” I stand, walking to her. “Stay. Easton is comfortable. It’s late, and you’re tired.”
“Okay,” she relents, and I nod, fighting a smile. Getting to wake up knowing East and Viv are in my house brings me enormous joy.
We head upstairs, and I show her to her room. “I thought you’d like to be beside Easton. That way, if he wakes, you will hear him.”
“Thank you.” She flips the light switch on the wall, and her eyes pop wide as she spins around to face me. “Did you do this for me?”