I really do.
I work on some dress designs, but I can’t concentrate. I can’t stop thinking about Easton and Dillon out there in the big bad world. Surrounded by paparazzi and assholes who think it’s okay to stick their noses into our business. Briefly, I contemplate hitting the vodka, but it’s only four o’clock in the day, and it’s a habit I don’t want to start. Instead, I pace the floor and panic, exactly what Dillon suspected I would do.
I’m standing outside by the front door when they pull up an hour later, and I almost trip over my feet in my hurry to get to Easton. Opening his car door, I lean in and hug him, almost suffocating the poor child. “Mommy. You’re squeezing me to death!” he says, and Dillon chuckles.
“Hollywood, let the little guy get out of his seat.” Dillon tugs me back, wrapping an arm around my waist as Easton unbuckles his seat belt and jumps out of the car.
“I had the best time, Mommy, and Uncle Dillon got you some chocolate ice cream. He knew it was your favorite.” Easton holds a small paper bag out to me as Dillon presses his warm mouth to my ear. “Remember that time we ate ice cream off one another? I even licked it out of your—”
“Dillon!” I shriek, twisting out of his hold. “Not in front of little ears.” I don’t care that he was whispering in my ear. Easton has razor-sharp hearing and an uncanny ability to hear things I don’t want him to hear.
“Were you being naughty again, Uncle Dillon?” East asks, grinning up at his dad.
“I was just reminding Mommy of a game we used to play and asking her if she wanted to play it with me again.” He flashes me a devilish grin I long to wipe off his face.
“I love games!” Easton jumps up and down. “Let’s play the game!”
I glare at Dillon, and he discreetly swats my ass. “It’s an adult game, buddy,” he says, crouching down to E. “How about we play cops and robbers?”
That basically means they get to chase each other all over the house, screaming and shouting like lunatics. Dillon is the biggest kid, but I can’t ever be mad about it. Easton loves his special brand of crazy.
“I wanna be the robber this time!” Easton screams.
“Well, what are you waiting for?” Dillon lifts a brow. “I’ll give you ten seconds before I come looking for you.” Easton races into the house, almost knocking Leon over in his haste to get away from Dillon. “Apologies, sweetheart.” Dillon kisses my cheek, grinning. “We’ll have to take a rain check on the naked ice cream party.”
34
Vivien
“Why does my daddy look like a scaredy-cat in this picture?” E asks, pointing to a photo of Reeve I took when we were thirteen.
The three of us are seated on one of the couches in the living room, looking through another one of my childhood albums. Dillon said he wanted to know the real Reeve, and we usually spend an hour after dinner on the nights Dillon is here looking into my past. I thought it would hurt, but it’s actually helping.
“Did you know your daddy was scared of spiders?” Reeve had a serious case of arachnophobia, something he managed to conceal from his son and his fanbase.
Easton’s eyes pop wide. “What? How could he be scared of spiders? Spiders are awesome.” I’m not scared of them like Reeve was, but there’s no way I’m as enthusiastic as Easton.
Dillon chuckles. “He wouldn’t have lasted pissing time on the farm. Our house was full of spiders.”
“Hand it over,” East says, thrusting out his palm, without even looking up.
“You must be loaded by now,” Dillon retorts, handing over a dollar bill.
“I am. Mom said she’s going to take me to the bank to ’posit it.”
“I’m impressed, and I approve.” He looks proudly at me like I’ve agreed to climb Mount Everest, not just go to the bank.
“It’s only the bank,” I murmur, feeling a mixture of embarrassment and shame.
“It’s a step back into the real world. This is good, Hollywood.”
My finger twitches with the desire to flip him off.
“Why do you call my mommy Hollywood?” East looks at Dillon with a perplexed expression.
“I first met your mom when she came to Dublin to study. We were real good friends,” he says, shooting me a flirty look, and I swear I’m going to kill him if he doesn’t quit it with the innuendos. “And I liked to tease her by calling her Hollywood because Hollywood is in L.A. where she was from.”
“Oh.” He looks satisfied with that explanation. Turning to me, he tugs on my arm. “Tell me the story, Mommy. Why was Daddy scared?”
“We were thirteen, and your grandpa and grandma had taken us up to a cabin at Big Sur. They had gone out to get food while Reeve and I were unpacking. I heard your daddy shout, and I rushed into his room. There was this massive spider on top of the pillow on his bed, and he was freaking out. The look on his face was priceless, and I couldn’t resist taking a pic.”
“What happened to the spider?” E asks.
“I got a cup, scooped him up, and put him outside.” I don’t tell him Reeve stood there like a statue, pale, sweating, and shaking, because Easton thinks his daddy is a superhero, and I never want to change that.
“Do you like spiders, Mommy?” East asks, moving the page to the next set of photos.
“I’m not sure like is the right word, but I’m not scared of them.”
“I love spiders,” Easton says. “When I’m older, I’m gonna let all the spiders live in my house.” A shiver rolls over my spine, and I could almost swear Reeve is listening to this conversation and freaking out.
“That sounds fun,” Dillon says, winking at me. “But I think it’s time for someone’s bath.”
“Okay.” Easton is always way more agreeable when Dillon is around. I think my little chat after his hurtful comments at Dillon’s house has helped to settle him too. “Love you, Daddy.” Easton kisses Reeve’s picture before carefully closing the album.
A dart of pain glimmers in Dillon’s eyes, and I know this is hard for him.
“Honey, why don’t you go and get your pajamas and a towel ready. Uncle Dillon will be with you in a minute.”
“Sure thing, Mom.” Easton races out of the room, because that’s the speed at which he lives his life, leaving me alone with Dillon.
Without second-guessing it, I reach out, linking my fingers in his. “He loves you too. He is always talking about you, and he misses you on the days he doesn’t see you.”
“I know Reeve will always be his daddy, but I want to be his daddy too.”
“You are, Dillon. In all the ways that count, you are. And some day, we will explain it to him, and he’ll realize how lucky he is to have two daddies.”
Dillon folds his arms around me, holding me close. “I love him so much.” When he eases back to look at me, I’m not surprised to see moisture in his eyes. “You too.”
Reaching out, I brush strands of hair off his brow. “I know you do, and we’re grateful to have you in our lives.”