Truthfully, life was easier when she kept everyone on the outside. It had never been hard keeping people at arm’s length before, but now she suddenly had Emmaline and Sanjana in her face every time she turned around. They’d wiggled their way into her world right alongside Nolan.
She felt her control slipping. She wanted things to go back to before. To life without people, without friends, without guys who wanted more than a quick make-out sesh.
It was safer that way.
Nolan wasn’t okay with being used—or using her. Apparently. Obviously. And that was reason enough to stay away from him.
On Monday morning Hayden woke up early, well rested from all the sleeping she’d done in the quest of avoidance.
She stepped out of her bedroom and pulled the door shut after her. With her steel lock ready in her hand, she secured it in place and locked her door from the outside. It seemed extreme, but she’d learned the hard way. Three years ago she had come home to find her room totally ransacked by one of her mom’s so-called friends. Some of her clothes were gone, as was her makeup and jewelry. Nothing really valuable, but that wasn’t the point. It was her stuff. She’d worked for all of it.
She walked past Mom’s closed door, hearing her gentle snores from the other side. She walked down the short hallway, her shoes muffled on the carpet, and pulled up short at the sight of Alex standing in the kitchen in a pair of dingy boxers that hung low on his emaciated-looking hips.
He was leaning against the sink eating a bowl of cereal. Her cereal. She’d bought the Froot Loops and milk last week after she got paid.
He looked up. “Hey there, Hallie.” Milk dribbled down his whiskered chin.
She didn’t bother correcting him. Actually she preferred him not knowing her name at all. He wouldn’t be around for long, anyway. These men never were. They came and went through her mother’s life like viruses. They ran their course, and she waited them out. Endured. Survived.
She dropped her backpack on the table and moved to the pantry. Spotting a box of cereal bars, she took the last one. She also grabbed an empty water bottle, filling it up at the faucet. She had to have something to wash down her breakfast.
Turning around, she gasped and physically jerked. Mom’s douche-date had moved in closer now and stood right in front of her.
“Going to school?” he asked.
She nodded, trying not to show her disdain for him. It was a fine line to walk. Don’t look too interested, but don’t be so rude as to offend them either. Many of these men did not like to be insulted. They had egos and chips on their shoulders. They got angry when they were insulted. They got mean.
“Good for you.” He nodded as though his approval mattered to her. “Never finished high school myself, but I do okay.” His hand moved to scratch low on his pale concave belly.
“That’s great,” she said mildly, injecting no emotion whatsoever into her voice. He frowned as she stepped around him and she wondered if he had detected some of her contempt. Or maybe he was just more perceptive than the usual creep her mom brought home.
Hayden circled around him and picked up her backpack from the table. She was heading toward the door when his voice stopped her. “Nice lock for your bedroom.”
So he had noticed that, had he? He was that guy. Always casing his surroundings. Never had she been so glad she put the lock on her door.
He continued, “What you got in there? The Holy Grail?” He laughed at his joke.
“Shoes,” she replied breezily, moving toward the front door.
“Shoes?” He looked bewildered, his gaze dropping to the very beat-up pair of Vans she wore. Clearly, she was no shoe aficionado.
“Oh yeah, I’m really into shoes.” Girls’ shoes were the least enticing thing to a man and therefore the only thing she would admit to having in her room.
She didn’t bother with a farewell. She escaped her house, eagerly making her way toward her car. Even though she would probably have to see Nolan today, she was glad to get away from her mother’s latest loser.
Except thirty seconds later, sitting in the driver’s seat, she was faced with her all-too-frequent ugly reality again.
She wasn’t going anywhere. Hayden tried to start her car—and then tried it again. No luck. She pounded her fist on the steering wheel. The living room blinds sprang open and she could see Alex staring at her, still eating her cereal.
No way was she going back in that house. She dug her phone out of her backpack and sent a quick message to the only person she figured could help her out in this instance.
Well, except for Nolan. He could help. He would help. That’s the kind of guy he was. Good. Decent. He’d help her even though she’d been sure to push him away.
But there would be no calling him. No asking him for help. She couldn’t let herself do that.
Beau answered on the second ring, still sounding a bit groggy. “Yeah, I’m up.”
He was never a morning person. She had teased him for his grumpy ways all those mornings waiting for the bus—back when they had been friends. “Ah, that’s right. You’re a bear in the mornings.”
“Are you calling for any reason, Hayden? Or just to bust my balls?”
She sighed and rubbed at the center of her forehead, hating asking anyone for anything. “My car won’t start. Again. I don’t think another jump is going to do it. It might actually be dead this time. Would you mind giving me a lift to school? The bus has already come and gone or I would—”
“Sure. It’s fine. Give me five minutes. I’m almost ready.”
“Thanks.” The line went dead.
She glanced back toward the house. Alex was still watching her through the blinds, still eating her damn cereal.
Beau made it in less than five minutes to her house.
She slid into the passenger seat and sent him a quick glance. “Thanks. I’ll figure out something for tomorrow—” She stopped abruptly when she caught sight of his face and whistled between her teeth. “Wow. What’s the other guy look like?”
He sent her an annoyed look. “You’ll see soon enough.”
“Will I?”
“Yes. You two have been cozy lately, after all. Don’t think I haven’t noticed. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. And vice versa.”
She stared at him for a long moment, uncomprehending. She would not characterize her relationship with Nolan as cozy. It was too messy to be cozy, but who else could he mean?
“Nolan?”
He grunted in what could only be taken as affirmation. She assessed his battered face again. The skin around his eye looked like raw meat.
“He’s your best friend. What happened?” She held back the rest of what she wanted to ask. Is Nolan okay? Is he hurt?
“I think it’s safe to say he’s not my best friend anymore.”
She looked straight ahead through his dirty windshield. “I don’t understand. How can you go from best friends . . . to not?”
Her chest tightened and prickled. She had an overwhelming urge to see Nolan, to check in on him. Not just on his physical well-being, but his emotional well-being. She knew that if he and Beau had a falling out, he would take that hard. They were close. Like brothers.
“It’s easier than you think.” His lips twisted. He flexed his grip on the steering wheel. His knuckles were white, so she knew that this was not easy for him despite his light tone.