“That’s what I said the first time I toured,” Russell said, adding his two cents. “That changed quickly. One photo of me and a groupie, and she dumped my ass. Saved me from doing the dirty work. If you don’t have the balls, just one week on the road and—”
Cannon barked, “Leave the kid alone!” When they both raised their hands in innocence, he went on to say, “Don’t listen to them, Shane. It’s a miracle their dicks haven’t fallen off yet.” Ironically, they were no different than any of the stories I’d heard about Devil’s Lair. I gave him a weak smile as he crumpled up his sandwich wrapper and tossed it. “Okay, let’s get back to work.”
We did just that, and I played my ass off. But the entire time my fingers strummed the strings, my mind reeled with unease.
The next hour went by quickly, and before I knew it Cannon had announced last song. Again, I played my heart out, referring to the sheet music only a few times. As the last musical bridge came to an end, I stilled my fingers on the strings, relieved day one was over. For some reason, it wasn’t as fun as I’d thought it would be.
“That sounded fucking awesome,” Cannon said with a huge grin. “You did great, Shane.”
“Thanks.” His drummer, Lou, and his guitarist, Russell, lifted their chins as an acknowledgment. If they thought I was nothing more than a dumb, inexperienced kid, at least they seemed to appreciate my skills.
After hours of being in the zone, now that it was over my limbs screamed in protest and my headache resumed.
Eager to go home, I snapped my bass case closed as Cannon came over. “It’s like you were born to play with my band.” The dude was such a nice guy I felt bad for not liking him on occasion.
“I really appreciate the opportunity, Cannon.”
“This will be great for you. I had no experience when my old label signed me. Because of it, my first tour had me feeling like a fish out of water most of the time. Nothing or no one can prepare you for living on a bus and moving from city to city like actually doing it.”
“That’s what worries me.”
“What does?” His gaze held steady on my face, waiting for me to elaborate.
“It’s something I’ve wanted my whole life. I just hope I don’t screw up.”
Cannon shook his head and smirked. “You’ll be fine. Look how well you’re playing already—”
“Not with playing,” I explained. Cannon remained silent, trying to read between my cryptic words. “Just screw up in general… handling fans, shit like that.”
And there it was… what really bothered me about leaving. It wasn’t the work, or the part I had to play in the band, or even the fact I was basically a kid who would be living as an adult rock star. It was knowing all the crap that could come at me, crap that came with the territory. I knew damn well I’d never give in to any of those temptations. What I needed was to make sure Alivia knew that.
“Things get reported all wrong. It scares me,” I went on to admit.
He nodded when it hit him. “Ah… I get it.” Clapping a hand on my shoulder, he squeezed it supportively. “Don’t stress over the unknown or what you can’t control. As long as you stay true to who you are, you’ll be fine, Shane. Yeah?” Another nod on his part prompted me to do the same. “Good. See ya tomorrow.”
“Okay.” I said my goodbyes to the guys and walked out of my first day as a professional musician.
With my case in hand, I navigated the familiar halls of JLL Productions Studios, remembering all those times when I was a kid watching Devil’s Lair rehearse. I couldn’t wait for the day to come when I’d be rehearsing there myself. There I was, and the entire experience seemed anticlimactic.
Having some of the biggest rock stars in the world as parents, and as an extended family, should’ve prepared me for the life I was destined to have. But now that I had one foot on the threshold, I wasn’t as confident as I should’ve been.
As I pulled open the heavy glass door, I heard, “Oh my God… is that Shane Lair?” Caught off guard, I turned to see my favorite girl from where she sat on one of the black leather chairs in the lobby. I’d been so lost in thought that I’d walked right by her.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’ve been here for a few hours,” she admitted with a shrug. “Your mom set me up in the control booth so I could watch and listen. I got here just before you started up again.” Instantly, I wondered if she’d heard what had been said as we’d eaten, or even the last few minutes of my conversation with Cannon. If she had, I couldn’t tell when she said, “You crushed it today, Shane.”
My response was a kiss before I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and led us out onto the sidewalk. Seeing us, Alec nodded and opened the back door.
We remained silent the entire way home. I’d like to blame the lack of privacy, but by doing so I’d be kidding myself.
The probability she’d heard what had been said suddenly made our impending separation scarier than anything had before.
Chapter Nineteen
Alivia
On Sunday night, while Shane had spoken to his parents regarding the whole Molly and Jett thing, I’d had a long chat with mine. Dad had already shared with Mom what he had said to Shane. It wasn’t surprising that she defended Shane, or that she made sure I knew it was okay to be mad over the situation. It was how I handled that anger that mattered.
The next morning, I decided to see him rehearse and support him on his first day. He did mean well, and I didn’t want to spend the time fighting. Wanting it to be a surprise, Leila situated me in the dark control booth so I could watch undetected. They had just begun eating lunch, and I felt proud as Shane accepted praise from his bandmates.
Until the conversation took a sleazy turn. I should’ve left, but I didn’t. And the more I heard, the more nauseated I became.
Of course I knew that being a single male rock star on tour was synonymous with being a man-whore. It was the lay of the land, as was the gossip that would inevitably be written. I had no idea how I would react if it were directed at him, which had absolutely nothing to do with trust. I didn’t have a shred of concern that Shane would ever cheat on me. But was I strong enough to ignore it all? I didn’t know.
My true deep-rooted issue was what he would again be missing out on because of me. How could he know I was enough for him when I’d been the only girl he ever had? Whenever defending his slutty days, my father emphatically believed that every one of those women he’d slept with had eventually led to him being ready for a life with my mother and me.
If Shane only ever had one relationship, would he still be satisfied only having me come five, ten, twenty years down the road? I had no way of knowing that. But as unimaginable as losing him would be, wouldn’t the heartbreak be easier now than if there were kids involved later?
Regardless of my fears, I knew telling him all that or rehashing the regrets argument wouldn’t go well. Without a doubt, he’d lose it if I even tried to explain my reasoning.
All the changes coming our way scared me, and there wasn’t anyone I could talk to who would understand my fears… even my own mother. Her situation with Dad was entirely different in that it had been water under the bridge by the time they came together. We really had only one common denominator: loving a rock star.