“Maybe a few months ago I would’ve been,” I explain. Now, though, I don’t deserve it. “I think there are others who would thrive in that position. I really like being with patients.”
He smiles. “I can see that. It definitely is a game changer in regard to practicing medicine. Well, I wanted to see your interest level before I recommended you.”
That throws me back. “Recommended me?”
Dr. Pascoe nods with a grin. “I think you’d make a great chief.”
Another wave of guilt hits me. If he ever finds out, he’ll be disappointed in the choice I made. While I know it was a grave mistake, it was in the best interest of my patient. Allison and Bryce didn’t need to have that drug withheld because of a technicality.
If I had never lost Lindsay from the trial, Allison would’ve gotten the drug, but since she was cut, the folder with the placebo fell to Allison in the lotto.
At least that’s the load of bullshit I’m feeding myself.
“I’m sure there are more qualified people. I think Dr. Grant would be an excellent choice, but I appreciate you thinking of me,” I smile. It does mean a lot that he thought enough of me to consider my name.
He nods and then claps his hands, making a loud boom. “Well, I better get back to my stacks of paperwork.”
“Sounds fun. Please tell Monica I said hello.”
Now, to follow up on my other trial patients. They should’ve received their next dose, Allison receiving the new vial with the mixture she didn’t get yesterday.
I decide to check on her first. Maybe if I get it over with, I won’t feel so off balance. I grab my files and head in.
“Good morning,” I say as I enter.
“Good morning, Dr. Adams,” Allison says with so much happiness, it’s infectious.
This woman always has a smile on her face. As much as I was dreading this, being around her instantly makes the traces of regret vanish. She’s a warm light you can’t help but feel better around.
“How are you feeling?”
“Good, I’m almost done and then we can go to our apartment.” She looks over at Bryce. “I haven’t gotten to see it yet, but I’m sure it’ll be perfect.”
His eyes are trained on me, and I focus only on her. “I’m sure it’s great.”
She nods quickly. “I’m excited to be out of the hospital.”
Sometimes I feel like I live in the hospital, so I know the feeling of being sentenced to serve time here.
Bryce grips her hand. “When can we expect to be released?”
It’s the first time he’s addressed me since all that was said on the street, and I don’t know what it is, but I don’t feel that flutter in my stomach when I look at him. Instead, there’s a sense of—finality. After everything that happened last night, I saw myself clearly for the first time. I’d been holding onto this love that couldn’t endure. My heart was refusing to let anyone else in, and I’d been a fool.
I had allowed the wound that was Bryce to fester, and now it’s time to heal.
“Tomorrow morning. We’ll finish up this round of medication and as long as her vitals are good, we’ll release her, and then she’s due back in two weeks for the next dose.” I turn to Allison who is beaming.
“Did you hear that? We have two whole weeks off!”
You’d think I told her she was pregnant, she’s so happy.
“When will we know any kind of results? I need to head back to North Carolina for a short while,” Bryce informs us both, and her face falls.
I want to punch him for ruining her mood. Seldom do patients maintain this attitude, and I truly believe a person’s will is sometimes stronger than medicine.
“Peyton,” she complains.
“It’s the reality we face, baby. I have to go to work for a bit and I need to plan around your treatments.”
“I know, but can’t we just enjoy what we have right now?” she asks him.
I shift my weight a little and they both stop. “It’s okay,” I reassure them both. “Allison will be monitored with more frequent scans since she’s on the trial. She has six doses ahead, and we’ll do scans each week, but remember, she’s been given a strong dose of chemo, and though she may be feeling okay today, we don’t know how she’ll respond in the next three days. I would keep an eye on her if you can.”
“Yes, that means no going back to North Carolina. Doctor’s orders,” Allison points at him.
“Okay, I’ll call my firm now,” he sighs.
“Just don’t back down,” Allison urges him.
“I won’t.” Bryce grabs his phone, kisses her forehead, and heads out of the room.
“I know he can be harsh,” Allison says.
“Who?” I ask, knowing she means Bryce.
She smiles impishly. “My husband. He’s been through a lot, and sometimes his need to save me overrides his sense of diplomacy and reasoning. It’s like he can’t see what’s in front of him, because he’s already a mile away.”
“Sometimes we’re all weak when it comes to certain things,” I reply.
Allison shrugs. “I just . . . I wish you knew the man I know.”
My chest is tight as I try to scramble for the right thing to say.
“Don’t worry about anything, it’s my job to make sure everyone is comfortable.” It’s as close to the truth as I can get. “I want you to promise that you’ll keep smiling though, Allison. The more positive you are, the better it will be when things are hard, okay?”
“I promise. I don’t know how to be anything but me.” She looks up at the bag of chemo and back to me. “This disease has taken enough, I won’t let it destroy who I am and what I want.”
A part of me wants to wrap my arms around her and tattoo the words on her head, because I feel like that’s exactly what I did when my mother got sick. I allowed my grief and anger at cancer to overwhelm me. I let it break me to the point of no return.
But now I know one thing for sure. I won’t break again, even if everything crumbles around me.
Chapter 23
“You need all of this to see your dad?” Westin asks as I’m loading the car with cleaning supplies.
My brother called late last night. Apparently, my father locked the cleaning crew out of the house and has basically barricaded himself in his room. God forbid Everton actually manage things. No, he calls me to handle it.
Thankfully my surgery was postponed and my trial patients were all released today. Now I get to drive back out there and try to make my father stop being a stubborn ass.
“You have no idea,” I grumble. “You’re sure you want to meet them?”
“Are you trying to back out?” Westin asks.
“No, I’m just giving you one last chance to save yourself.”
He moves close, pushing a stray of blonde hair from my face, giving me an unfettered view of him. Westin has decided not to shave his beard again, and I like it. He’s rugged, a little mischievous, and irresistibly sexy when he doesn’t force himself to look perfect all the time.
“I’m not backing out.”