SHELDON: [eyes widen] What?
DANA: [looks askance at Aidan] You weren’t kidding, were you?
AIDAN: About what?
DANA: About why you don’t read Sheldon’s mind.
AIDAN: Because there’s too much porn and weird shite up there?
DANA: Yeah.
AIDAN: [laughs] No, I wasn’t.
SHELDON: [grins] Oh, come on. It isn’t that weird, is it?
DANA: [studiously avoids his gaze]
AIDAN: [arches a brow]
SHELDON: [sobers] Wait. You were serious? It really is weird?
AIDAN AND DANA: [glance at each other but say nothing]
SHELDON: Like how weird?
DANA: I’m not going to go into it.
AIDAN: Nor will I.
SHELDON: Why not? And why won’t Dana look me in the eye?
DANA: [looking everywhere but at Sheldon] Because I just saw what happened in Italy.
SHELDON: [winces] How much did you see?
DANA: All of it.
SHELDON: Okay. Um. There’s an explanation for that. It, uh… it may sound a little crazy, but here’s what happened. I—
AIDAN AND DANA: [throw up their hands] We don’t want to know!
SHELDON: It wasn’t what it looked like!
AIDAN: [mutters] The hell it wasn’t.
DANA: [flushes once more] We don’t need the details, Sheldon. Really.
AIDAN: And Seth is summoning me, so we have to go.
SHELDON: He’s summoning you telepathically?
AIDAN: [rises] Yes.
DANA: [rises, whispering] Thank goodness.
SHELDON: Even though he usually calls?
AIDAN: Yes.
SHELDON: [narrows his eyes] Dude, are you just saying that because you don’t want to hear how I ended up—
AIDAN: Sheldon!
SHELDON: [grumbles] Fine. We’ll continue the interview later.
DANA: [features fill with dismay] We will?
AIDAN: [laughs and wraps an arm around her] Just make sure you don’t touch him next time.
SHELDON: Oh, ha ha ha. Just get out of here before I start to feel self-conscious.
DANA: [regards him with disbelief] You don’t already feel self-conscious? After what I saw?
AIDAN: [laughs harder]
SHELDON: Well, I do now!
AIDAN: [shakes his head] Goodbye, Sheldon. [teleports away with Dana]
September 2017
Blade of Darkness Blog Tour
SHELDON: Thanks for agreeing to another interview, Dana. The last one was cut short.
DANA: Sure.
SHELDON: Where’s Aidan?
DANA: He’s checking on Cliff. There was an incident at the network.
SHELDON: Is everything okay?
DANA: I think so.
SHELDON: Good. So… it’s just the two of us?
DANA: [brow furrows] Why do those words coming from your lips strike fear in me?
SHELDON: [laughs] Don’t worry. I’m not going to ask you to read my future again.
DANA: [smiles and relaxes] Thank you.
SHELDON: I do want to talk about what you saw the last time though.
DANA: Aaaaaaaand there it is.
SHELDON: Oh, come on. Can you blame me? I thought the telepathic immortals were all joking when they said they didn’t read my mind because of all the porn and weird crap they find up there. Then you took my hand to read my future, ended up seeing my past—
DANA: Could we please not talk about this?
SHELDON: And saw what happened in Italy.
DANA: [flushes] Seriously. I’ll talk about anything else. Anything at all.
SHELDON: [motions to her] You see? Your face is all red, and when you saw the Italy thing during our last interview, your eyes bugged out. [shifts uncertainly] Was it… was it really that weird?
DANA: [whispers] Why does your phone never ring when you want it to like in the movies?
SHELDON: I mean, I didn’t think it was that out there, you know? But if it was… Do you think maybe that’s why Tracy has been keeping things casual between us and not because I’m younger than she is?
DANA: [stares at him helplessly]
SHELDON AND DANA: [jump when Aidan abruptly appears]
DANA: [wilts with relief] Thank goodness. What took you so long?
AIDAN: [leans down to kiss her] You’re blushing. [narrows his eyes at Sheldon] You’ve been asking her about your bizarre sexual proclivities again, haven’t you?
SHELDON: Okay, you guys are really starting to give me a complex.
AIDAN: [seats himself beside Dana] Ask your questions.
SHELDON: [opens his mouth]
AIDAN: Not those. The other ones. The questions the network employees gave you.
SHELDON: You know about those?
AIDAN: I’m telepathic.
DANA: What questions?
AIDAN: The humans who work for us down at the network gave Sheldon some questions they’d like us to answer so they can get to know us better.
DANA: Oh.
SHELDON: Fine. Our last interview ended precipitously, [slides Aidan an accusing look] so I asked the employees to offer up some hot seat questions that wouldn’t take as long to answer.
AIDAN: What the hell is a hot seat question?
DANA: Quick and easy questions, like chocolate or vanilla.
AIDAN: [shrugs] Okay. Shoot.
SHELDON: [consults a tablet] Cats or dogs?
AIDAN: Both.
DANA: Me, too. I love them both.
SHELDON: Sunny or cloudy day?
AIDAN: I’m an elder, so I can tolerate quite a bit of sun exposure. But cloudy days are more comfortable.
DANA: [smiles] I’ve always loved cloudy days. If I spend fifteen minutes in the sun, I sunburn.
AIDAN: Not with me by your side.
SHELDON: Because you can heal her in real time?
AIDAN: [nods]
SHELDON: That is so cool. Taking risks or exercising caution?
AIDAN: I hunt and slay psychotic vampires for a living, so I do both on a regular basis.
DANA: I prefer to exercise caution.
AIDAN: [huffs in disbelief] You’ve done nothing but take risks since you met me.
DANA: [frowns] Trying to protect you isn’t taking a risk.
SHELDON: The way you do it is. Seriously, you’ve done stuff that no one else on the planet would even consider doing.
AIDAN: Exactly.
DANA: [lifts chin] Again, I did it to protect Aidan.
SHELDON: Dude, strong women are so hot.
AIDAN: [looks at Dana] Yes, they are.
DANA: [amused] I can’t tell whether you’re complaining or complimenting me.
AIDAN: [shrugs] I can’t decide. Your actions terrify me and turn me on all at the same time.
SHELDON: [mutters] And he thinks my sexual proclivities are weird?
AIDAN: I heard that.
SHELDON: Moving on. Beach or mountains?
DANA: Mountains.
AIDAN: I agree.
SHELDON: City or countryside?
AIDAN: Countryside. I’m telepathic, and my hearing is more acute than an owl’s. In the country, I don’t have to listen to dozens of neighbors’ thoughts and conversations.
DANA: I love relaxing on the back porch with Aidan, enjoying the peace and quiet, so I’m going to have to go with countryside.
SHELDON: Dana, I’m guessing this one is for you. Beard or clean-shaven?
DANA: [cups Aidan’s strong jaw in her hand] Five-o’clock shadow. I love his rough stubble.
AIDAN: [kisses her palm]
SHELDON: [glances down at his list and hesitates] Wow. I’d rather not ask the next one.
AIDAN: [eyebrows fly up] They really want you to ask us that?
DANA: Ask us what?