SHELDON: Thanks for sitting down with me again, guys.
SUSAN: Of course.
STANISLAV: Happy to do it.
SHELDON: [slides Susan a glance and sighs] She’s blushing again.
STANISLAV: [grins] That’s why I’m happy to do it. I love it when she blushes.
SUSAN: Behave.
STANISLAV: I am behaving.
SUSAN: [smiles] No, you’re not. But it distracted me, so thank you.
STANISLAV: [winks] Anytime.
SUSAN: [sends Sheldon a wry smile] You do realize that song is going to be stuck in my head for the rest of the day, right?
SHELDON: [laughs]
STANISLAV: What song?
SUSAN: “Alabama Song.” The Doors. He’s singing it in his head so I won’t read anything in his mind that will make me blush again.
SHELDON: [grins] It’s a trick I picked up from Richart. Whenever he doesn’t want Lisette to listen to his thoughts, he starts singing a song in his head.
STANISLAV: [laughs] Smart man.
SHELDON: Okay. So, last time we learned a little bit about how Susan found you, Stanislav, and her reaction to your abilities. Susan, rumor has it you’re very good with a gun.
SUSAN: Yes, I am.
SHELDON: How did you acquire your skills?
SUSAN: My brother was in the military and used to take me to the firing range quite a bit.
SHELDON: I hear you also throw a mean right hook and uppercut.
SUSAN: [laughs] Apparently.
SHELDON: So you can kick ass.
STANISLAV: [slides Susan an admiring glance] Hell yes, she can.
SHELDON: Dude. Strong women are so hot.
STANISLAV: Yes, they are. [frowns and narrows his eyes at Sheldon] Wait. Not to you she isn’t.
SHELDON: Nope. Not at all. Not to me.
SUSAN: [whispers] He’s thinking about Tracy.
SHELDON: Damn it. I forgot to keep singing.
SUSAN: Ah! Hurry up! Hurry up! Start singing again! [throws a hand up as if blocking Sheldon from view will also block his thoughts]
STANISLAV: [laughs]
SUSAN: [sighs and lowers her hand] Seriously, why do I keep seeing your naked ass in your thoughts, Sheldon?
STANISLAV: [laughs even harder]
SHELDON: [face reddens] Okay. There’s an explanation for that. Tracy—
SUSAN: Never mind. I don’t want to know.
STANISLAV: [corrals his mirth and shakes his head] Why don’t we get back to the interview?
SHELDON: Sounds good. [pulls his cell phone out and consults it] Okay. I asked some of the network employees to offer up some hot seat questions for the two of you.
STANISLAV: What are hot seat questions?
SHELDON: Quick and easy questions that will give them a little insight into your personalities.
STANISLAV: Okay. I’m game.
SHELDON: Great. Here we go. Cats or dogs?
SUSAN: Dogs.
STANISLAV: Both.
SHELDON: How’s your dog getting along with the cats at David’s place, Susan?
SUSAN: Jax gets along fine with David’s cats. But Roland’s cat is…
STANISLAV: [arches a brow] Crazy as a bedbug?
SUSAN: Yes.
SHELDON: [nods] Marcus’s cat is a total nutcase, too.
SUSAN: And they do not like having a dog around. But Stanislav’s ability to manipulate emotions is helping a little with that.
SHELDON: Dude, you can manipulate animals’ emotions, too?
STANISLAV: Yes.
SHELDON: Cool. Next question. Summer or winter?
SUSAN: Summer.
STANISLAV: Here in North Carolina, I prefer winter. I can’t withstand much exposure to sunlight, so I like the longer nights.
SUSAN: Oh. That’s right. I hadn’t thought of that. [looks at Sheldon] Winter.
SHELDON: Chocolate or vanilla?
STANISLAV: Chocolate.
SUSAN: Rocky road.
SHELDON: [grins] Beach or woods?
STANISLAV: Woods.
SUSAN: Me, too. I love all the trees around our place.
STANISLAV: [drapes an arm around her shoulders] I love that you called it our place.
SHELDON: Don’t get sappy on me, guys. City or country living?
SUSAN: Country. I’m telepathic. So in the city, I’m constantly bombarded with other people’s thoughts. In the country, I can actually enjoy some peace and quiet.
SHELDON: What about you, Stanislav? With your heightened sense of hearing, I would think you’d prefer the country, too.
STANISLAV: I do.
SHELDON: Susan, I’m guessing this one is for you. Beard or clean-shaven?
SUSAN: [cups Stanislav’s face in one hand and smooths her thumb across the stubble] Five-o’clock shadow.
STANISLAV: [kisses her palm] Because you like the way it feels against your bare skin.
SUSAN: I really do.
SHELDON: [sighs] Now his eyes are glowing. Stanislav, beauty or brains?
STANISLAV: Susan has both.
SUSAN: Awww. Thank you.
SHELDON: I see that didn’t help. How about… [consults his phone] Boxers or briefs?
SUSAN: Seriously? Network employees want to know what kind of underwear he prefers?
SHELDON: Yyyyeah. Apparently some of the women think he’s hot.
SUSAN: [winks at Stanislav] He is hot.
STANISLAV: [smiles] Boxers. I was born several centuries ago when undergarments fit loosely and prefer to keep it that way.
SHELDON: I hate tight underwear, too. That’s why I go commando.
STANISLAV: I don’t know what that means.
SUSAN: It means he doesn’t wear anything under his pants.
STANISLAV: That’s more than I cared to know about him.
SUSAN: [mutters] At least you didn’t have to see it.
SHELDON: I heard that. Next question. Lover or warrior?
SUSAN: He’s both.
STANISLAV: So is she.
SHELDON: Great. Now his eyes are glowing again.
STANISLAV: Because her strength turns me on.
SHELDON: And this is just going to make things worse. Shower or bath?
STANISLAV: With Susan, I’m up for either.
SHELDON: Ba-dum-tish.
SUSAN: [laughs] Me, too.
SHELDON: [frowns at his phone] I really don’t want to ask this one. Naughty or nice?
STANISLAV: [eyes brighten further] Susan can be very naughty.
SUSAN: So can you. [meets his eyes, then sucks in a breath]
SHELDON: You’re reading his thoughts, aren’t you?
SUSAN: Yes.
SHELDON: He’s picturing you doing naughty things to him in the shower or a bath, isn’t he?
SUSAN: Yes.
SHELDON: [sighs] All right. I’m out. [stands] Thanks for the interview, guys. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.
SUSAN: [lips twitch] is there anything you wouldn’t do?
SHELDON: [laughs and closes the door behind him]
STANISLAV: [rises] Let’s go draw that bath.
SUSAN: Absolutely.
August 2019
Death of Darkness Blog Tour
SHELDON: Thanks for agreeing to an interview, sir.
SETH: No problem. A lot has happened lately.
SHELDON: A lot.
SETH: And there has been more activity down at network headquarters, so I worried some of the human employees might be feeling a little…
SHELDON: Unsettled?
SETH: Yes.
SHELDON: Concerned?
SETH: Perhaps.
SHELDON: Riddled with anxiety, the likes of which they’ve never—
SETH: [laughs] I get it. They’re unnerved by recent events. I don’t blame them.
SHELDON: I don’t either. I mean, first mercenaries blew the hell out of the original network headquarters. Then Gershom wreaked havoc at the new one. Now this.