SHELDON: [frowns] I thought you didn’t like reading my mind.
AIDAN: Go ahead. Ask it.
SHELDON: [sighs] Sex indoors or sex outside?
DANA: What?
AIDAN: Both.
DANA: [pops him on the arm] Don’t tell him that! Now’s he’s going to picture us humping our brains out in the bushes.
AIDAN: [laughs]
SHELDON: Mornings or nights?
AIDAN: Stop picturing her naked in the bushes.
SHELDON: Dude, stay out of my head.
AIDAN: You’re still picturing her naked.
DANA: Sheldon!
SHELDON: I can’t help it! It’s involuntary. And you’re the one who put that image in my head.
DANA: [grumbles something] Just ask the next question.
SHELDON: Fine. Mornings or nights?
AIDAN: Are we still talking about lovemaking? Because I’m up for both.
SHELDON: Ba-dum-tssh.
DANA: [laughs]
SHELDON: Saddle or bareback?
AIDAN: Is that a euphemism?
SHELDON: Maybe we’d better skip that one. [consults his question list] Oh, come on!
DANA: Do I even want to know what the next question is?
SHELDON: [sighs] Hard and fast or slow and sweet?
DANA: [claps a hand over Aidan’s mouth before he can answer] Sheldon, where the hell did you get these questions?
SHELDON: Network employees.
DANA: Female network employees?
SHELDON: Now that you mention it, the women did offer up the most questions.
DANA: [withdraws her hand] Well, we’re skipping that one. Next question, please.
SHELDON: Sleep in? Or up and at ’em?
DANA: Seriously?
SHELDON: What? That one isn’t necessarily about—[looks at Aidan and breaks off] Ah, hell. His eyes are glowing.
DANA: [regards Aidan with interest] Something on your mind, handsome?
SHELDON: You’re totally thinking about taking her fast and hard in the bushes, aren’t you?
AIDAN: [suddenly looks at something behind Sheldon]
SHELDON: [glances over his shoulder and sees nothing] What? [faces forward again and finds himself alone] Dude. Uncool. [shakes his head] He is so taking her in the bushes right now.
September 2017
Blade of Darkness Blog Tour
SHELDON: Thanks for agreeing to an interview, sir.
SETH: No problem, It’s been a while since we did the last one, and a lot has happened since then.
SHELDON: A lot.
SETH: [smiles] I take it the humans who work for us down at the network are feeling a little…
SHELDON: Antsy? Yes. I mean, first mercenaries blew the hell out of the original network headquarters. Then Gershom wreaked havoc at the new one. Now Aidan is haunting the hallways…
SETH: Aidan makes them nervous?
SHELDON: [laughs] Yeah. It isn’t intentional. It’s just the whole ancient Celtic immortal thing and all the gifts he possesses. Some of the humans find it a bit intimidating.
SETH: I can understand that. [looks around curiously] Any particular reason you chose this location for the interview?
SHELDON: You mean instead of doing it down at the network?
SETH: Yes. The humans there are accustomed to seeing me on a fairly regular basis. Some may view me with something akin to fascination, but I don’t think they fear me.
SHELDON: No, they’re fine with you. I just thought you’d be more comfortable here.
SETH: In David’s backyard?
SHELDON: Yes.
SETH: [stares at him, unspeaking]
SHELDON: Well… David’s place is sort of the hub of the Immortal Guardians’ world here in North Carolina and—
SETH: What do you want, Sheldon?
SHELDON: [narrows his eyes] Are you reading my mind?
SETH: [grimaces] No. There’s too much—
SHELDON: Porn and weird crap up there. Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard it before.
SETH: So spit it out. What do you want?
SHELDON: [shifts] I was kinda hoping you’d do me a favor.
SETH: [releases a beleaguered sigh] Fine. I’ll do it.
SHELDON: [eyebrows fly up] Really? You know what it is?
SETH: I assume it’s the same thing you wanted for your birthday?
SHELDON: Yes. You’ll really do it?
SETH: Yes.
SHELDON: Why?
SETH: Because you’re good with Adira.
SHELDON: [waves a hand in dismissal] Who isn’t good with Adira? That cutie has every one of us wrapped around her little finger.
SETH: Nevertheless, I appreciate everything you do for her. For Marcus and Ami as well. [rises and backs away] Are you ready?
SHELDON: [grins big] Absolutely!
SETH: [shifts into the form of a huge dragon that dwarfs the sprawling house behind them]
SHELDON: [gapes up at it as the dragon roars and breathes fire that buffets him without burning him]
SETH: [shifts back into his natural form and retakes his seat]
SHELDON: That. Was. Awesome!
SETH: [lips quirk] Fun, too.
SHELDON: Will you do it again and let me—
SETH: You’re not climbing on my back and going for a ride, Sheldon.
SHELDON: Oh, come on. I give Adira piggyback rides all the time.
SETH: Seriously? That’s your argument?
SHELDON: [shrugs with a grin] It was all I could think of.
SETH: [laughs]
MARCUS: [opens the back door, leans out with a pretty toddler on his hip, and casts them an exasperated look] Really? I just got her down for a nap.
SHELDON: [winces] Sorry, man.
SETH: My apologies. We’ll keep it down from now on.
MARCUS: [ducks back inside with a sigh]
SHELDON: Okay. Where were we?
SETH: Before I shape-shifted? I believe you were telling me that Aidan is making the employees down at the network nervous.
SHELDON: Right. While we’re on the subject of Aidan… Rumor has it he’s smitten with a psychic.
SETH: That’s correct.
SHELDON: How’s that going for him?
SETH: It would go a lot better if all hell didn’t break loose every time an immortal falls in love.
SHELDON: I hear ya. What do you think of Dana?
SETH: I like her. She’s a fighter.
SHELDON: I’ve heard some things about the first few times you met her… It’s pretty wild.
SETH: [lips twitch] There were… extenuating circumstances.
SHELDON: [laughs] Well, if even half of it is true, that woman is ballsy!
SETH: [laughs] As I said, she’s a fighter.
SHELDON: Strong women are so hot.
SETH: Yes, they are. Aidan is a lucky man.
SHELDON: Immortal males all seem to be drawn to strong women.
SETH: [nods] Every one of us.
SHELDON: Even you?
SETH: Next question.
SHELDON: Hey, I had to ask. The ladies at the network are very curious about your love life… or lack thereof.
SETH: Is there a question in there somewhere?
SHELDON: Fine. If you won’t talk about that, then let’s talk about the latest problems that have arisen. How are you holding up?
SETH: I’m fine.
SHELDON: I know things have been… pretty tough lately.
SETH: A bit of an understatement.
SHELDON: Tempers are flaring.
SETH: [wry smile] Yes, they are.
SHELDON: The Immortal Guardians have acquired quite a formidable foe.
SETH: Not just the Immortal Guardians. Gershom wants to watch the world burn. If we don’t stop him, everyone will lose.