SETH: Immortal Guardians could not accomplish all we do without the extensive network of humans who aid us. I never want them to doubt our appreciation of their contributions and the sacrifices they make, so I will do whatever is necessary to put them at ease. [looks around, then sighs] Even if it means indulging you.
SHELDON: You’re not indulging me. You’re indulging the humans at the network. This interview is for them.
SETH: [arches a brow] And you chose to interview me in David’s backyard again because…?
SHELDON: [shifts in his chair] Because… you know… David is your second-in-command. His home is the hub of the Immortal Guardians’ world here in North Carolina. It’s where everyone hangs out after their nightly hunts. And everyone has been sticking closer lately to keep Ami and Adira safe. So I figured you might…
SETH: [stares at him, unspeaking]
SHELDON: …like to stay close, too, and…
SETH: You’ve been spending too much time around Ami.
SHELDON: What do you mean?
SETH: Ami can’t lie worth a damn.
SHELDON: [laughs] I know. She actually thinks that’s a bad thing.
SETH: You suck at lying, too.
SHELDON: [scowls] No, I don’t! [brow clears] Wait. You know I’m lying?
SETH: Of course I do.
SHELDON: [narrows his eyes] Are you reading my mind?
SETH: [grimaces] No. There’s too much—
SHELDON: Porn and weird crap up there. I know. The other telepaths keep saying the same thing. I don’t get what the big deal is.
SETH: Which is what makes it so scary.
SHELDON: Come on, man. You guys are starting to make me feel a little self-conscious.
SETH: A little self-conscious?
SHELDON: Oh, ha ha ha.
SETH: Actually, I see a lot less porn in your head now because you spend so much time picturing Tracy naked.
SHELDON: [bristles] Dude. You see Tracy naked in my head? Uncool.
SETH: That’s why I try to avoid peering into your thoughts whenever possible.
SHELDON: Oh. Thank you.
SETH: So ask me what you want to ask.
SHELDON: Okay. First question.
SETH: Not the interview questions. The one that drove you to conduct the interview here instead of at network headquarters.
SHELDON: You aren’t going to kick my butt if I do, are you?
SETH: No.
SHELDON: [looks surprised] Really?
SETH: [shrugs] I owe you.
SHELDON: [mouth falls open] You do?
SETH: Yes. You kept a confidence. And you, Adira, and a certain unicorn toy with a flower on its butt are largely responsible for bringing Leah into my life. So… ask away.
SHELDON: [grins] Will you shift into a dragon for me?
SETH: [releases a long-suffering sigh] Yes.
[Seth rises, steps back, and shifts into the form of a huge dragon that dwarfs the sprawling house behind them. Inhaling deeply, the dragon roars and breathes fire that buffets Sheldon without burning him.]
SHELDON: [stares up at it with wide eyes] That. Is. Awesome! Can I ride on your back?
SETH: [snarls]
SHELDON: Please?
SETH: [roars and breathes more fire]
SHELDON: [grins] Okay, okay. This is still so cool!
[The back door opens. A pretty toddler with red hair races out, giggling as she clumsily tromps down the steps. A boy the same age with darker hair follows. Both shriek with excitement as they run in circles around the massive dragon, which begins to spew bubbles instead of flames. While the children crawl under his claws and try to climb his scaly limbs, two tall, dark-haired immortal warriors emerge from the house. Both cross their arms over their chests and watch with eyes that glow slightly with irritation.]
MARCUS: Do you know how hard it’s going to be to get them down for a nap now?
ROLAND: [scowls]
SETH: [shifts back to his normal form and points at Sheldon] It was his fault.
SHELDON: [eyes widening] Dude!
SETH: [grins unrepentantly and kneels to give each child a hug] Off you go now, children. Time for a nap.
SHELDON: [shakes his head as Seth retakes his seat] I don’t care if they’re miffed. It was totally worth it.
SETH: [smiles]
SHELDON: So. Back to the interview. [face turns somber] The first thing everyone wants to know is… how are you holding up?
SETH: [loses his smile] I’m good.
SHELDON: [looks uncertain] You have a hell of a lot on your plate right now. The enemy you’re facing is…
SETH: A formidable one.
SHELDON: And an infuriating one?
SETH: Yes.
SHELDON: [glances up as clouds begin to gather and darken overhead] What can you tell the network employees about him?
SETH: Nothing that will put them at ease. Gershom is extremely powerful and wants to watch the world burn. He has already tried to kick-start Armageddon twice.
SHELDON: And both times you and your Immortal Guardians stopped him.
SETH: Not without cost. He also seems to enjoy striking at me through those I love most.
SHELDON: You’re worried about Leah.
SETH: [remains silent]
SHELDON: Well, I have it on good authority that Leah can kick ass.
SETH: [countenance lightens] Yes, she can.
SHELDON: Strong women are so hot.
SETH: Very much so.
SHELDON: Immortal Guardians seem to gravitate toward strong women.
SETH: We do. Can you blame us?
SHELDON: Hell no. That’s what drew me to Tracy. I hear Leah is also good with “different.”
SETH: [smiles] Yes, she is.
SHELDON: How weird is it to try to date someone when you have so much going on?
SETH: Pretty weird. But Leah makes it easy.
SHELDON: And makes everything better?
SETH: She really does.
SHELDON: Speaking of dating. The other day Jared asked me if I’d set him up on some blind dates, and I—
SETH: [points an authoritative finger at him] Don’t you dare! I have enough on my plate without that particular immortal mucking everything up by diving into the dating pool. Do you know what chaos that would spawn?
SHELDON: Yes, sir. That’s why I asked you first. Do you want me to spread the word among the guards at network headquarters? He’s been spending a lot of time there lately and may ask them if I say no.
SETH: Yes. Please, do. [retrieves his cell phone when Skillet’s “Monster” begins to play] Speaking of network headquarters, I have to take this.
SHELDON: Okay.
SETH: Yes? [listens, then scowls as his eyes begin to glow with a golden light] I’ll be right there. [rises and nods to Sheldon]
SHELDON: [holds up an index finger] Before you go, could we…
SETH: [vanishes]
SHELDON: …schedule a time to interview you and Leah together? Oh well. I’ll have to catch them on the fly. [rises]
The back door opens. Roland and Marcus step out. The children’s shrieks and giggles pour forth from inside. Both scowl at Sheldon.
MARCUS: The dragon was your idea?
SHELDON: [swallows] Ummmm…
August 2019
Death of Darkness Blog Tour
SHELDON: Thanks for agreeing to do this.
SETH: No problem.
LEAH: I didn’t get much sleep last night, so I’m a little slow on the uptake. What are we doing again?
SHELDON: I’m not going to ask why you didn’t get much sleep because I’m pretty sure I already know. I’m interviewing you two.