Chapter Fourteen
Gwen felt boneless, languid. It took all her effort to raise her head and sit up. When she saw Jack just staring at her, she grabbed a nearby blanket and laughed into it.
"Don't cover yourself," said Jack, gently taking the blanket from her. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about."
Gwen wasn't embarrassed. She just felt giddy, and maybe a little overwhelmed. If she thought too much about what she felt right in this moment, that giddiness would disappear like a puff of smoke.
Forcing herself to be brave, she pulled Jack's face down to kiss him. She caressed his chest and moved to the bulge that was all too noticeable.
"Gwen." Jack's voice was a rumble she felt throughout her body. "What are you doing?"
"Touching you." Gwen traced a figure-eight around his cock; she felt his entire body stiffen. "I think you want me to touch you."
"It's not a matter of want."
She suddenly felt self-conscious. Pulling her hand away, she waited for the inevitable blow to hit. I'm not really feeling it. It's not you, it's me. I should go. It's getting late.
But the ax didn't fall. Instead, Jack kissed her quickly and then stood up. "Let's eat," was all he said by way of explanation.
She didn't protest, as her own stomach was rumbling ominously. While Jack got them both some stew, Gwen put her clothes back on.
She probably would never be the type to lounge around the house completely nude. Besides, eating hot stew naked was a recipe for burns in awkward places.
Jack sat down next to her. He ate his stew in silence, which Gwen found maddening. She wanted to press him for answers, or explanations. She wanted to know what he wanted to do next. Were they just supposed to act like he hadn't been eating her out not even twenty minutes ago?
She blushed as she remembered. She was still tingling from her orgasm. She was also still sweaty, and the hot bowl in her hands didn't help cool her down, either.
"This is good," said Jack, pointing to his own bowl. He'd already eaten half of it. "Is it okay if I have a second bowl?"
Gwen's lips twitched. "Go for it."
They finished their meals in relative silence. Jack seemed at ease. Gwen tried her best not to stare at him from the corner of her eye, trying to gauge what he was feeling. If he got up after eating and said he needed to get home, she'd probably throw the cheese platter at his head. She was that wound up.
"Jack," said Gwen, watching him continue to eat. How much could this man put away? Her worry about finishing all this food had disappeared watching him.
"Yeah?" He swallowed a slice of brie.
"Are you seriously just going to sit there and eat and say nothing?"
He was now popping grapes into his mouth. Based on how slowly he was chewing, she realized he was messing with her, the jerk. When he smiled, looking mischievous, she picked up a pillow and hit him with it.
"Hey, hey! What's with the hitting?"
He put up his hands, but it was no use. Gwen went on a rampage of pillow hitting that only resulted in Jack laughing loudly.
"You. Are. The. Worst." She punctuated each word with a smack of the pillow. "I'm over here dying and you're just eating every bit of food in my place!"
"I didn't even open your fridge, so I doubt that."
Gwen just stuck out her tongue, but she couldn't stop herself from smiling, either.
"Feel better?" Jack popped one last grape into his mouth.
"Sort of." Gwen sighed. "Not really." Steeling herself, her back straight, she asked, "Why did you reject me? I wanted to return the favor. Why did you say no?"
Jack's expression turned somber. He rubbed the back of his neck, like he didn't know how to answer her question. "It didn't seem like a good idea," he rumbled.
"Me touching you is a bad idea?"
"Going too fast is what messed us up last time." He glared at her now. "I'm trying to go slow, but you're making it very hard."
Where she was expecting more rejection, she realized that she'd been silly. And defensive. Mortified, she grimaced.
"Now I feel like a complete asshole," she admitted. "I was afraid you'd changed your mind."
"Gwen, look at me." She did. "I want you to touch me. I want your hands on my cock, your mouth. I want to be inside you more than words can explain. But you're testing every bit of my self-control."
To Gwen's horror, she felt tears prick her eyes. Relief poured through every limb. Scrubbing at her eyes, she sniffled, forcing the tears down. She was not going to burst into tears. Not with Jack looking at her like she'd just handed him a severed limb.
"Shit, why are you crying? Please don't cry." He looked almost panicked.
"I don't know why I'm crying. I mean, I'm trying not to. I guess I just have a lot of feelings right now."
How did she explain it to Jack? That she was still so afraid of him reacting like Tim that hearing the opposite was almost a painful kind of relief? That she hadn't realized how much she'd been expecting the blow to occur?
"Baby, talk to me." Jack took her hand in his.
"My head is all screwed up. My marriage did a number on me."
"Your ex." Jack spat the word.
"I already told you what happened. Things between us just got worse and worse. Eventually, I couldn't have sex with him anymore. I still don't know why. I can't even blame him for calling me frigid, since that's what I was."
"He was an asshole."
"Yeah, he was. But I was at fault, too. I accept that. I stopped trying altogether."
"How many times did he make you feel good? In bed?"
Gwen blinked. Jack looked pained. She knew he didn't like talking about things like this. He probably wanted to run for the hills, she thought in despair.
"Tim? He tried. But it was a lot of work to get me there. Then I got inside my head and then I just...couldn't. It's hard to explain."
"Work? It's not fucking work to make your woman feel good. It's the best feeling in the world. If it took me all day and all night, I'd get a woman to come if she wanted me to."
Gwen smiled a little. "Good thing it didn't take you that long this time."
"Because I give a shit. Sounds like your ex didn't. It's as simple as that."
Gwen didn't know how to reply to that. For so long, she'd blamed herself for her marriage failing. Oh, Tim had been at fault, too, but she'd never placed the blame solely on his shoulders. Strangely, thinking that it was due to Tim's selfishness meant admitting that she'd had no control of the situation.
She hadn't failed. Tim had failed her.
"You don't look like you believe me," said Jack quietly.
Gwen shook her head. "I don't. I think I will eventually. Why is it so much harder to forgive yourself than others?"
"Because you're a good person, that's why. I knew it the first moment I met you."
She cuddled up next to him, enjoying the warmth of his body and how he stroked her hair absently.
"You're way more of a softie than you let on," she said eventually, smiling.