Or maybe my heart broke for us.
Jack stepped close, but he didn’t pull me into his arms. He didn’t push my hair out of my face, cup my cheeks, and kiss me like all that mattered was the two of us together. Instead, he shoved his hands into his pockets and dropped his gaze. “I didn’t plan on doing this now.”
My mind knew what was coming. My heart didn’t want to believe it, and I didn’t understand where it came from, but I knew.
“I don’t think we should see each other anymore.” Jack dropped his gaze to the ground. “I had a long talk with Garrett, and I’ve been putting my needs over the kids, which is something I swore I’d never do.”
My lips parted and my eyes burned. I wanted to find something to say to stop this from happening, but there was only the steady hum of static in my head.
“You mean everything to me, Amelia. Everything. But the kids need me more. They’re not ready for us to be this serious.”
“Are you sure?” The wind blew my skirt against my thighs like this was any other day. A bird flitted from tree to tree as if the world wasn’t ending. “I mean, is this what you really want?”
“No.” His voice cracked as he shook his head. “I don’t want this, but it’s not about me. It’s about them. It’ll always be about them. That was the choice I made when I decided to be a father. I love you Amelia, but I have to love them first.”
I nodded, my voice stuck behind a lump in my throat.
Jack shoved his hands in his back pockets. “It’s probably a good thing, you know? You can focus on the store instead of spending all your spare time with my kids. You’ve devoted your time to us, and I haven’t so much as paid you.”
“I didn’t want your money.” I wanted him. I wanted them.
But they didn’t want me.
Tears unlocked and I blinked them away.
Jack kept talking, stacking platitude on top of platitude, and I swore I watched his heart break in time with mine, but I couldn’t hear a word he was saying. All I wanted was for him to touch me. To go back in time and undo whatever I’d done to have us standing in his yard, the connection between us drawing me towards him as he pushed me away.
I nodded, the tears coming in earnest. That was that, then. There wasn’t much more to say. Sobs shook my shoulders as I shoved the bag into his arms, turned on my heel, and stumbled through the grass to my car.
“I’m so sorry,” he said as I started the engine.
“Me too,” I managed, then pulled out of his driveway for the last time and drove away.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Amelia
Every time I got a handle on my tears, I’d remember that Jack broke up with me and they came back with a vengeance. Or I’d remember the way he looked when he said he loved me. Or something ridiculous one of the kids said or did. Sometimes I cried so hard, I couldn’t see the road. I shouldn’t have been behind the wheel, but Wildrose Landing wasn’t that big, and I needed to get home so I could process.
Instead of pulling over, I kept going. Mistake number one.
My phone rang and I snatched it up, hoping beyond hope to see Jack’s name on the caller ID. Mistake number two.
If it was him, I’d turn around in an instant because this couldn’t be what he wanted. He had to have changed his mind. We were too good to be over before we started.
I fumbled my phone, dropped it to my feet, and reached down to pick it up. Mistake number three.
The car bumped and rattled onto the shoulder and I yanked the steering wheel to get me safely back on the road. Something clunked and clattered under the car, then a bang! had me shrieking in terror. The car rattled and bumped, pulling hard to the right, with a rhythmic thump, thump, thump that slowed as I stomped the brakes. With my heart in my throat, but my eyes finally dry, I pulled over and found the front passenger tire completely flat.
“Damn it!” I slapped the hood, then shook my hand because that hurt more than I wanted it to. But it felt better than what was going on in my heart, so I slapped it again. And again. Then one more time for good measure.
With that out of my system, I folded my arms and stared at the deflated rubber.
Now what?
Not only did I have no clue how to change a tire, but I didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to deal with another problem. Any other day, I would have called Jack, safe in the knowledge that he’d drop everything to come to my rescue. But this wasn’t any other day. Sweat trickled down my back as the August sun beat down. A mosquito landed on my arm while gnats buzzed my face. I shooed them away with a growl.
Could this day get any worse?
The urge to hit something rose in me again, so I busied my hands by calling Austin for help. I wasn’t super close with him, but as the owner of WRL Autobody & Repairs, he had to know how to handle a flat tire. And, as the chillest of our friends, he wouldn’t freak out if I started crying again. When his tow truck rumbled to a stop twenty minutes later, I raced into his arms the second he opened the door, then burst into tears.
So much for keeping my dignity.
Austin hesitated for half a second, then wrapped his burly arms around me. He felt so different than Jack, it made me cry even harder.
“What’s this all about now?” he finally asked, his deep voice rumbling in the ear I’d pressed against his chest. He patted my back as I fought for control, then peered down to meet my eyes. “All this over a flat tire?”
I swiped at my face and apologized, then leaned on my car, crossing my arms and staring at my feet. “The flat tire is the least of my problems.”
“What’s up, buttercup? I’m a great listener, so good at keeping secrets people call me The Vault.” He mimed zipping his lips and I smiled through my tears.
“The Vault, huh?”
Austin shrugged. “I’m just sayin’, I’m listening if you need to talk.”
Heat shimmered off the pavement as I stared into the distance. “Jack told me he didn’t think we should see each other anymore. For the kids.” My voice cracked and I let out a shuddering breath.
“For the kids?” Austin stroked his chin and cocked his head, sounding as gobsmacked as I felt. “Those rugrats haven’t been this good since before Natalie passed. You’ve been a positive force in their lives. No doubt. How in the world do they have anything to do with this?”
“They’re not so good anymore.” I explained their behavior over the last two weeks, processing it over again as I shared their decline. “I just left Jack’s house. Apparently, they’ve been acting out because of me.”
I wanted to rail against my spirit guides. To go toe to toe with my intuition. How dare they lead me so far astray? How could they let me believe I’d found the man of my dreams when they knew this was waiting for me? The last time I’d felt so stripped bare, so razed to the ground, was when I’d discovered I couldn’t have kids. I never wanted to feel this way again. I’d actively worked on avoiding anything that would hurt me like this.
And yet, here I was.
Austin leaned on the car next to me. “Here’s a thing you need to know about Jack Cooper. He’s a great guy. A devoted father. A loyal friend. But that man is dead set on doing things the hard way.”