“Is this about Tess? Is that why you’re having doubts about us?” My stomach knotted at the possibility that he really liked her. Liked her enough to end the possibility of anything with me.
But he threw his head back in frustration, which seemed to indicate that was a no, and I had the distinct feeling he wanted to strangle me, and not in the good way he’d strangled me the night before.
Well, there’d been undertones of anger then too. “Are you mad at me for not realizing sooner?” I scooted forward without thinking about it, wanting to be closer to him figuratively, my body trying to achieve it with literal nearness. “I wish I had, Brett. I just didn’t. Don’t be mad at me.”
“I’m not—” He cut himself off and sighed. “I’m not mad at you, okay?”
“Okay.” But he still was on the other side of the room, and it felt like it wasn’t just a glass wall between us now, but also a very large chasm with no bridge.
And I didn’t understand that. Because he’d basically said he’d loved me, and I’d basically said I’d loved him. “So what’s the but?”
“But I need to think. I need to clear my head and really think.”
“About what?” It came out unintentionally sharp, but I was baffled. What was there to think about?
“About us. About if we make sense.”
If we make sense.
There was something both promising and piercing about that statement. He hadn’t shut the possibility of us down entirely, and that felt monumental.
But the possibility that we might not make sense cut deep. And why was there even a possibility that we didn’t? We’d been best friends for ten years. We obviously had amazing chemistry. We had feelings for each other. What the fuck didn’t make sense?
Except I knew what might not make sense—me. Chasing after a playboy Sebastian was one thing. Asking a decent, incredible man—the most decent and incredible human I knew—to consider me as a partner was a different thing altogether.
Not that we were talking about marriage here.
But wasn’t that what dating was supposed to be about? Brett didn’t date, in general. He hadn’t had many real girlfriends since I’d known him, and the ones he had been with had been perfectly suited for him. It was obvious he took his choice in girlfriends seriously, as well as the decision to have one in the first place.
And if he had to think about us, it seemed reasonable that he had to think about whether I fit with him like that. Whether or not I was good enough to be given the label of love interest.
It was possible I was overthinking. I did that.
Still, I was desperate enough to make concessions. We don’t have to be anything official. We don’t even have to tell anyone. We can take it day-by-day.
That was pretty much the recipe for most of my relationships. Seemed likely it was all I was good for.
I’d said those words to Brett so many times when I’d cried on his shoulder. It’s all I’m good for. He’d always refuted it. Cheered me up and cheered me on. Assured me I was worth more than those assholes who made me feel that way. Sometimes he even made me believe it.
Of course, he was worth more than all those assholes combined, including Scott.
And I wasn’t going to make him have to explain that to me. He’d hate himself if he had to say out loud that I wasn’t worthy of him. It was enough that he was considering me at all.
“Okay,” I said, swallowing first so the word would get past the lump in my throat. “How much time do you need?”
“A week maybe. I don’t know.”
“Okay. Sure.” I forced a smile.
“Thank you.” His expression was regretful, and I hated making him feel like he owed me something almost as much as I hated that he couldn’t just be mine. “I’m going to go on my run now. I have some work I have to do when I get back.”
He stood up. The subtext of the lingering look he gave me was clear, and if I was a bigger person, I would have told him that I’d be gone before he came back.
But I wasn’t a bigger person. I was a woman that had to be considered. So I made him say it. “I could really use a quiet apartment to get it done.”
There was nothing else I could say beyond, “See you tomorrow.”
Chapter Eleven
“Well, that was an exciting meeting,” Silvia said as we walked out of the conference room the following Thursday.
“Exciting?” It was possible I’d missed something. I’d been in a funk since Sunday when Brett declared he needed “time to think.” I’d been present for Tess’s entire presentation, but if something exciting had happened, it hadn’t penetrated through my brooding.
“Oh, Henry,” I realized before Silvia responded. Scott’s father had blustered and bullied Tess the whole time, but that wasn’t new. He threw a tantrum at least once a month. I waved my hand dismissively.
“But Scott doesn’t usually contradict him.” She stopped walking, apparently wanting to take her time with the gossip.
I stopped too, not because I really cared, but because it would be rude not to at least pretend like I did. “He didn’t contradict him to his face.”
“He contradicted him to everyone in the room.”
I shrugged.
Okay, bickering about what had happened in the meeting and whether or not it was notable was probably just as rude as if I hadn’t stopped to talk about it at all. I wasn’t at my best that day.
I hadn’t been at my best all week, but the occasions where I had to share space with Brett were the worst. I’d spent the whole hour trying to focus on my tasks, or rather trying not to focus on him, and it had taken so much energy that I was now extremely drained.
Silvia didn’t seem to be put off.
She leaned in closer and lowered her voice. “He contradicted his father over a woman.”
“You think that was about Tess?”
Silvia drew back as if in shock. “Isn’t it completely obvious?”
I had suspected there was something up with her and Scott. Maybe if I was ever in a good mood again, I’d enjoy that validation.
Right now, though, I didn’t have the strength to be enthusiastic so I feigned surprise and gave her my best do-tell-me-more expression.
“Scott’s a playboy, you know.” She seemed then to remember the office rumors and colored slightly. “Yes, you do know.” She wasn’t ashamed enough to not go on, however. “So it’s very intriguing to see him form an attachment. But even more intriguing is the triangle aspect.”
“Triangle?” My skin prickled.
She was already leaning in again, ready to tell me more. “Did you see she and Brett were exchanging texts the whole time?”
No.
No, I had not seen that.
Because I’d pointedly not been looking.
“How do you know they were—?”
She cut me off, too excited about giving me a scoop to keep it in. “They both had their phones, and it was all over their faces. Lots of body language in between typing.”
I knew Brett liked Tess. But liked her enough to text her during an important meeting?
While it was strange for Scott to show an attachment (and yes, there was a little bit of an ouch about that, even though I was definitely over him), it was stranger still for Brett to ever not be completely professional. Especially at a meeting with Henry Sebastian, the owner of the company and Brett’s cousin.