My countenance falls when she exits the hall, making her way into her classroom. “Are you looking at how hot your sister is or her friend? The nerdy, geeky look works for both of them. Man, I’d get nerdy if only to find my way between either one of their legs.”
This is Ephraim, my one-time best friend, and we’re about to have words over the way he refers to my sister, but his gaze has already set its sight on my closed fists.
“Whoa, dude, I was only kidding. Well, about Kenzie, that is. Solie is a whole other matter. And to my knowledge it isn't forbidden.”
It looks as if Ephraim can remain my friend for now, with our bro-understanding that Kenzie is indeed off-limits, even more so. It’s forbidden—all my bros know she’s not available to them, but then again, the thoughts roaming through my brain with Kenzie are outlandishly banned, too.
“No, Solie is open season, but she’s a mouthy little thing and has her eyes wide open to the likes of guys like us, so good luck with that.” We do our customary handshake I have with the whole gang of guys I’ve grown up with and head to my next class. I ignore the lecture about the Battle of Waterloo, but on every naughty thing I could do between my sister’s legs. Ah, fuck, I’m going to hell, but right now, I don’t fucking care.
It’s not a decision or one I make with my mind. My heart leads me to the only place I know to be alone with my mom and dad. Pulling up to the winding road near their graves, I walk almost numb toward them. My mom was hands down the best mother ever. She was the nurse, therapist, financial planner, cook, and chauffeur to Kenz and my brotherhood friends.
I’m lost without her, imparting that smile so much like my own on me or pulling me into a hug. Then Dad was always open with me, and I knew where I stood. He never batted an eye when I became sexually active but gave me all the information and precautions I’d need to ensure I was safe.
My life doesn’t make sense without them. How can it? It’s been three weeks since we buried them, and I’m back at school, acting like my life is the same. I shouldn’t be this well put together but as soon as my knees hit the cold earth in front of their gravestones, I revert to the little kid who used to hold on a little tight to my mom, even when I became the cool kid who shouldn’t show their parents affection.
“I don’t know what to do without you. And now we’re under Isaiah’s thumb. Yeah, thanks a lot for that, Dad.” The last part is said with dry humor I’d use on my dad if he were in front of me. “And I’m having these thoughts of Kenzie I shouldn’t have. I want you back. It’s what’s wrong with my brain. I just want you back. I have no one. At least Kenz has Tanya’s parents. I have no one, not one person I can call mine. I’m an orphan without family.”
A hand lands on my shoulder. I jerk from the kneeling position to face who has scared the fuck out of me.
“Isaiah, what the hell are you doing here?” And how much has he heard?
“Hey.” In the one word of his greeting, there’s shakiness, something I’m not used to seeing in the asshole. But then again, it’s been the first time we’ve really talked since he confessed the real reason he turned me away, then turned me away for a second time after our blowjobs. “The gravestones were put in today, and I wanted to make sure they were correct.” He looks over my shoulder at the gravestones. I forgot they hadn’t been ready the day of the funeral.
I’m in front of Isaiah, pushing toward him, but not because I can’t get enough of the man. “How long have you been here? This is private between myself and Mom and Dad.”
He gently separates us with a tender touch to my chest. “Down, boy, I only heard the very last sentence. And you’re wrong; you have someone to count on. You have me.” His hands travel up an inch as if he’s going to touch my face or caress my cheek, but he stops, taking his touch away from me.
I step back to give us more space. “I don’t have you. Being lied to for two years, treating me like I’m the dirt on the bottom of your shoes, isn’t having you, Isaiah. Not at all.”
I step around him as his solid hands find the biceps of my upper arms. I attempt to pull away, and with anyone else, I could. But the son of a bitch is too strong.
“I couldn’t then, Riv. There’s no way I could do that to Robert or Shannon. I didn’t have the history with your mom as I had with Tanya, but I absolutely loved her for taking care of your dad like she had.”
I let him pull me back to his space until we’re eye to eye. “And now, what about now? Are you going to allow me to kneel right here and take your dick, which if you haven’t forgotten, I know the feel of it, and that you’re uncut?” He winces at the memory as though I slapped his face. “Are you going to allow yourself the pleasure to touch my own cock again, the length and size, impressive, I may add, as you know. Then you can push into my virgin ass.” Somehow, I never let another breach me there, just in case. But I’m mad, and my words are meant to anger him, throw him into a rage he can’t recover from. They’re intended to hurt, as he’s wounded me in the past.
“Riv,” he continues, “I want you. I’m not going to lie, but I can’t. Not right now. Not when I’m supposed to be the father figure your dad asked of me.”
“It didn’t stop you three weeks ago, as we were a comfort to one another.” I push off him, and he allows it with his weight and build more prominent than mine. “It’s a game with you. See how much I can push the boy until I have him begging for me. Nope, you want me. You know where I am. Until then, maybe someone I know wants my tight virgin ass. Because I don’t think I want to save it for you anymore.”
As I get into my car and speed off, looking back at my parents’ graves, Isaiah has his fingers in his hair, staring off in the distance. I had walked away, my head raised, and wondered if my words had affected him. If I have influenced him, it wasn’t enough to stop me.
My bedroom door is open as I storm down the hallway leading to where I’ll lay my head for the next several months. Isaiah’s place will never be the home Mom and Dad made for us. There’s no way the controlling ass beat me here, and I have every intention of finding Chuck and asking who the hell has been in my room, only after I check my stash of marijuana. I cross the threshold just long enough to find Kenzie leaning up against the railings of my bed like she’d been most nights since moving into Isaiah’s mansion. Tears run down her face as she clutches a picture frame in her hand. I look to her right, to my nightstand.
Last night after checking on Kenzie, I scoured through all the boxes I have yet to unpack and found the only family picture I had of the four of us. I don’t know why it was in my room, but the movers packed it for me, taking care not to break the glass. We are ten, and it’s Christmas morning. Kenzie’s grandparents flew in from Nebraska to spend the holidays with her. In the picture, I recognize the anger on my face. Tanya’s parents bought the entire world for Kenzie. She had so many presents that it took her an hour after all of the family gifts were open to unwrap the ones from them.
It must be the picture she’s holding in her own embrace. “Kenzie, it’s River. I’m going to sit next to you, all right?”