I don’t hide this interchange between River and me. I caress his cheek, tipping his head toward my face, placing a kiss I’ve wanted to give him for so long on his forehead.
“It’s exactly the reason I sent you away, hurting myself as much as I hurt you that night.”
I hold him close to me as he begins to weep in my arms, and through it all, I can’t forget the third person in the room. The girl I want to comfort, just as I am with her brother.
Chapter 14
Kenzie
Are my eyes deceiving me? Can I possibly be witnessing what I’m currently watching in front of me? Was the rum and Coke more than just rum and Coke?
I pinch myself and wince at the pain I’ve inflicted and begin to drool while the beautiful asshole I’ve always known as my godfather embraces my stepbrother in every kind of delicious way, creating nasty thoughts within my mind. The views aren’t gross, but a turn-on, as my underwear dampens and I clench my thighs together.
Strike that thought. I’ve known there’s been something of the intimate nature between River and Isaiah for some time, but now, as they’re in front of me, I can more than see it. I can fucking feel it, radiating off their bodies.
“River, let me in. Let me take the burden from you?” Isaiah’s hand gently sends strokes of tenderness down his jawline. I’m instantly jealous of River’s strong jaw. I want to be part of it. Fuck, I want to be part of whatever they have going on.
“Isaiah.” River’s words are merely a warning, and with the nature of this conversation, I unknowingly let out a long whimper, causing their attention to swing to me. With River’s eyes on me, he drops his head to Isaiah’s shoulder, an act so very innocent and intimate.
“I want to help both of you. Yeah, I’m an ass. It’s the only way I know how to act when I’m hurt, and the pain of losing the man who was, for all intents and purposes, my brother has gutted me. Having you here, in my space is what’s getting me through it.”
My heart goes out to him. I’ve never seen it from his point of view because until now, I wasn’t convinced the man had a heart.
“River?” I ask, as though he’ll understand what I want answers to. And maybe he will because it’s all I’ve asked since realizing the past these two shared, without my knowledge.
“Kenz, I know I promised you we’d do this, but I’m spent. Can we finish with our personal ornaments tomorrow night?”
River steps from Isaiah’s embrace, and with a nod of my head, he almost runs for the stairs leading to our part of the house.
“Isaiah?” It’s my turn to cry. I’m overwhelmed with so much emotion. The loss of Mom and Dad. The memories of the mom I never knew and the love Isaiah obviously had for her. River, the change in him, his desire to protect me, and the almost kiss we could have shared. Now, I see Isaiah indeed has a heart, and my own heart is on fire for what I’ve witnessed between both men.
I take the ornament that meant so much to Isaiah and cradle it as if staring at it will give me the lost memories of my first mom.
“Kenzie, I mean it. I only want to help you. I’ve only ever wanted to help you. It’s why I’ve given you space. It’s why I’ve been absent from your life.”
“You have feelings for me because you once loved my mom, and I’m second place?”
It now makes sense. He’s confessing how he cares for me because if he couldn’t have Tanya, he might as well settle for the daughter. And where I thought just a second ago, I had affection toward him, I don’t any longer.
“You are your own person, Kenzie Grace Hanson. There’s a lot of Tanya in you, but there’s so much more making you unique. I had to give you space, both you and River, because I’m sick, wanting you in the ways I never should.”
“You want me?” My affection has changed.
He breaks the slight distance between us, takes my chin, and lifts it where our eyes meet, and I’m lost in the new Isaiah before me for the first time. Though, is he really a new man, now with the understanding he’d rather go without me in his life than to lose my dad?
“Kenzie, I’m walking away now. Not because I want to, but because it’s the right thing to do.”
He leans down and gives me a peck on the cheek, but it soon lands on my lips. A love bite on the bottom lip begins the passionate kiss. His tongue doesn’t stop its assault with my own, and I cherish every fucking moment of him. He pulls away slowly, dropping a kiss on my nose, and then exits as quickly as River had.
I can only watch him and wonder what the fuck this night has done to all of us...
River isn’t in his room. I knock on his own space next door, aside from our bedrooms. I picked a library, and Charles already has gathered many books, ordering more. River has made his room into his own personal music den. Several guitars hang on the wall, and he’s strumming one of the strings of his acoustic guitar.
“Hey, you,” I begin and yank him out of his bubble.
He looks at me for a split second, then back at his guitar. “Well, that was a first.” His voice is low and a bit raspier than I’ve ever heard. “What a fucking night.” His eyes search mine and the man has tears, and his cheeks are stained, eyes puffy. “Kenz, I’m not all right in the head. There’s something wrong with me.”
“Wrong? Do you mean because you’re a former asshole? Wait, you’re more of a recovering asshole.”
I try to break his vulnerability with a joke because he doesn’t show this side to others often. I think he’ll appreciate something light at the moment.
He shakes his head, swiveling around in a desk-like chair on wheels.
“Okay, sorry, I didn’t mean to make light of losing Mom and Dad.”
He pushes from his feet, but the chair stays between us, his back to me. “Losing Mom and Dad is something we’ll never get over.” There’s a lull to his whisper, a comfort in the words we, and we’re in it together. “But, as much as I miss them, and I would give back everything to have them here, I’m not talking about them.”
It’s a subject he’s made clear is not up for discussion, and I tread lightly. “You and Isaiah. I had no idea. No wonder you both hate each other with a pull to be within one another’s space.”
He twists around, where I witness his eyes, and they’re ablaze, and are on fire, and are directed toward me.
“I’m not talking about Isaiah, but I won’t lie, there’s a pull for sure.”
He takes a step around the chair to stand in my space. “Kenzie, you want to know the real reason in the past three years I’ve gotten worse with you, making your life harder?”
My line of sight drifts down his body, unsure where this confession is going.
“I may just go to hell, Kenz, but…” He tips his head to mine, and his eyes connect with my own gaze.
“Kenz, you have a choice right now. You need to walk away, or I’m going to cross a line I very well may never be able to come back from.”
The touch of my chin, with his long fingers, a little calloused from years of playing the guitar, is way more intimate than a sibling relationship should ever be.