I put everything in the fridge, my body covering the rest of the bag so he didn’t see the contents.
“I don’t know.”
“Natalie, I know we didn’t talk about what happened, but we can. I know I’m a fucking asshole, but I never wanted to hurt you.”
I turned, clutching one of the boxes to my chest. “No, you didn’t hurt me. We had rules. One of them was that we weren’t going to talk about it again. I get it. Except I think we may need to talk about it again.”
His eyes got comically big, and he fisted his hands at his sides. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“I’ve been sick for a couple of weeks now, and I missed my period. I don’t know if I’m supposed to take a test now or call someone. I’ve never done this before. I had sex once, Tanner. This isn’t how things are supposed to go. But I didn’t want to do this alone. I know we’re friends, or at least we pretend to be, so I figured you could stand outside in the hall while I take it. And then it can be negative, and we can never speak about this again.”
He moved forward, his hand outstretched, and then he froze. “You’re sick?” His voice cracked. This time, a single tear fell down my cheek.
Out of everything he could have said, the first thing was words of worry that I had been sick.
It was so hard not to fall for this man.
“I keep throwing up.”
He nodded but moved forward again, brushing the tear away from my cheek. “Okay, we’re friends. Always. That’s what we said. And I don’t go back on what I say. Fuck, Natalie.”
I snorted, the curse bringing me out of my funk. “I know.”
“This is one of those pee-on-the-stick things? Does it say pregnant or not? Or am I going to have to look for lines? I kind of want it to be the one that has the words on it.”
I reached for the bag and pulled out another pregnancy test. “I got one with lines and one with words. Let’s do the words first, just in case.”
“Two. We’re going to take two.” He let out a breath, his chest moving slowly.
“Just in case.”
“Sounds like a plan to me. So, I’ll stand outside?”
I winced. “You’re not going to be inside while I take the test. We’re friends, but I don’t think we’re that kind of friends.”
“If you’re pregnant with my kid, we might become that kind.” His eyes widened, his face going pale as soon as he said the words. “Well, shit.”
My heart pounded in my ears, and I had a feeling the staccato rhythm matched Tanner’s. “Those are good words. Keep those up. But it will be negative. And then we’ll never talk about this again. We can go on about our days and be real friends. We’re doing great. We haven’t even been awkward once.”
He raised a brow.
“Okay, maybe a little bit awkward, but this is fine. Now, I’m going to go pee. I’ll probably have to drink more water because I keep throwing it up.”
“Natalie,” he whispered, his voice so caring it made me want to cry.
“I’m fine, really.”
“Anyone that says fine in that high-pitched voice really isn’t,” he drawled.
“True. And I’m lying to myself and you. But that is fine. And I know I said fine again. Deal with it.” I went to the fridge, pulled out a water bottle, and brought the two pregnancy tests with me.
Tanner sighed. “I’m not going to throw this receipt in the trashcan, just in case.”
“Yes, evidence.”
“Fuck,” he muttered again but followed me down the hall.
I turned at the doorway to the bathroom and raised my chin.
“I’ll be quick, I hope. And then it’s going to be negative, and we can laugh about this.”
“Let’s think negative thoughts then,” he said and grimaced.
I snorted and closed the door to the restroom, grateful that we could find humor in this situation.
Somehow, I did what I needed to do, washed my hands, brushed my teeth, and then opened the door.
He stood there, his arms folded over his chest. His gorgeous arms, ones I was not going to notice.
“Well?”
My body shook, and I turned my head towards the test. “Five minutes. Three more to go.”
He nodded tightly, and we both stood there as if we hadn’t slept together and weren’t waiting to find out if our lives were about to be changed. It was awkward.
He cleared his throat, looking as out of sorts as I felt. “Natalie, I don’t know what to say.”
“Maybe we won’t have to say anything. Maybe I just have the flu. Unfortunately, I kept going to school and probably gave it to everybody like the plague.”
“We can only hope,” he muttered.
My phone chimed, the alarm going off, and we both jumped.
I let out a little squeal, and then Tanner took my hand and squeezed it.
The lifeline he offered brought me back to the here and now. I swallowed hard and looked up at him.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
“We look. You took both tests?”
“I figured it’d be good so we didn’t have to wait.”
“I’ve never done this, either, Natalie. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“This is good. It’s going to be negative, and then we have experience if it ever happens again in the future.”
I was rambling at this point, but when I pulled him into the restroom, squeezing his hand for dear life, I wanted to cry.
I wanted to break down and pretend that this wasn’t happening to me. That this was a dream that would one day be over, where I wouldn’t have to think about it at all anymore.
Only that wasn’t the case.
“You’re pregnant,” he muttered. I looked up at him and saw that his face was impossibly pale.
“I’m pregnant,” I whispered. “How is this happening?”
“I don’t fucking know, Natalie. I mean, I know, and it was great and everything, but…oh, my God.”
“If you’re just going to leave me forever and never want to talk about this again and have me do this on my own, can you just go now? Because I’m panicking, and I can’t deal with anyone else’s emotions. I need to focus on what the hell is going on with me.”
He cursed under his breath and then turned me in his arms. My eyes widened, and then he crushed his mouth to mine.
He tasted of sweetness and panic—or maybe that was only me. When he pulled away and rested his forehead against mine, I took a breath. “I don’t know what we’re going to do. I’m not that guy. I’m going to panic right alongside you, we’ll probably fuck this up, and I have no idea what the hell we’ll do next, but I’m not going to run.”
I looked into his eyes and wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe that he wouldn’t leave me alone in this, no matter what happened. Everything was so scary. It was so much. But being overwhelmed helped me believe. I let myself believe in a possible lie. And that was fine.
“Okay,” I whispered, then wrapped my arms around his waist as I broke down. Sobs racked my body, and I wondered exactly how this had happened. How was this my life? Tanner crushed me to him, his chin on the top of my head as he rubbed my back with his hand.