We were pregnant. We were having a baby.
Nothing would ever be the same again.
Eight
Tanner
The following week went by in a whirlwind of stress, worry, and secrets. Neither of us had told our roommates what had happened yet. It was too early, at least that’s what we had told each other. I still could not believe this was happening.
The girl I had slept with once—using a condom and being as safe as I could possibly be—was pregnant. While I couldn’t quite wrap my head around it, and couldn’t catch my breath, I knew it had to be a thousand times worse for Natalie.
Her first time had been rough and quick and spontaneous, and now, we both had to deal with the consequences. Yet, she had to deal with it more than I did. At least, in the sense of it being her body. I wouldn’t let her down. Wouldn’t run away and hide from my responsibilities. But it was also primarily on her shoulders. I felt like such a fucking dick. The guys would probably beat the shit out of me once they found out, and the girls might end up castrating me. I winced and ran my hand through my hair, looking down at my textbooks. I was supposed to be studying. As if I could actually focus right then—there was no such thing as focus. Not when I was petrified that I had ruined Natalie’s life. One moment of need, of want, and she would have to deal with our choices forever.
In the past week, she had gone to her doctor to get another test. We were three for three in officially being pregnant, and we hadn’t even discussed what to do. It was hard to do that while keeping secrets from our friends and trying to find time to speak with one another about what had happened.
I had worked three nights this week and the first term paper of the semester was due. Natalie had been just as busy and feeling sick half the time. I knew the girls would likely catch on soon. There was no way they missed how Natalie kept having to run to the restroom.
Only it wasn’t my place to tell them. Damn, I was such a fucking idiot.
I was going to be a father. If things progressed as they were, I would be holding a baby that was ours in a handful of months. We would be heading into our futures, hopefully with degrees in our hands, but with both of us tied together irrevocably, no matter what became of our so-called relationship. And that was the thing. We didn’t have a relationship. We were friends, but neither of us had ever said we wanted more than what we already had. Or maybe I just didn’t let myself want more. She was Natalie, the rich girl with a future. She could do whatever she wanted, but instead of living on her parents’ money, she was going into social work. She would face countless hours at a thankless job and would be excellent at it. Or, at least, she would have been until I ruined her life by getting her pregnant. Now, I didn’t know what either of us was going to do. This changed everything. We planned to talk a little bit today; something we hadn’t been able to do outside of texts for the past week. We needed to make some plans, make this real rather than some abstract idea of a baby.
I wanted to throw up.
A knock sounded on my bedroom door, and I stiffened, not knowing if I wanted it to be a roommate or Natalie.
“Tanner?” Natalie whispered through the door, and I swallowed hard.
“Door’s unlocked. Come in.” I got up off the bed and walked towards the door.
She opened it, her bag over her shoulder, and an awkward smile on her face. “Hi. I just realized I don’t think I’ve ever actually been in your bedroom.”
And we were having a child together? We definitely weren’t doing this in the proper order—not that there was an order to changing your life forever.
I stood only a foot in front of her and wanted to reach out and hug her close, tell her everything would be okay even as my heart raced. She had pulled her blond hair over one shoulder, her blue eyes wide as she bit her lip. She wore a sweater that wrapped around her shoulders, and jeans tucked into knee-high boots. She looked classy and sexy. Was I supposed to think a pregnant woman was sexy? I’d never done this before, and I had no idea what I was doing. I would probably mess everything up—something I was getting good at.
“It’s my bedroom. Not anything special.”
Her lips quirked into a genuine smile, and I cleared my throat. I wasn’t sure what to say. I wasn’t good at this. I was usually decent while working with people. Despite the fact that I was an asshole a lot of the time, I knew how to talk to other humans. Yet with Natalie, I couldn’t. When the guys and I moved into the house, there had been five of us. We had each pulled a Twizzler out of Pacey’s hands—a favorite of our British roommate—and the length of the candy rope corresponded to the size of the bedrooms.
When Sanders moved out after being the asshole we discovered he was, we had shifted rooms around a bit so the smallest room was empty for guests. So far, only Miles’ little brother had used it, and that was only recently since Miles’ parents were finally letting up on the reins a bit when it came to their kids. I hadn’t invited my brother out here yet and probably wouldn’t, mainly because he was a little too young for that, and it was a bit of a drive. At one point, we had thought we might move Natalie and Nessa into that room, primarily because of Nessa’s stalker. But that situation was fixed now, and I hadn’t had to sleep under the same roof as Natalie. That was a good thing, especially since I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
“I brought my homework, even though I don’t think I can actually think about what I need to do with it,” she said, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I gestured towards the open books on my desk that I hadn’t read a word of today since I couldn’t focus, either. “Same here. I finished my part of the group project, and now I wait for everybody not to do theirs.”
She cringed. “I have a group paper due soon. A group paper. How is that even okay?” she asked as she set her bag down next to my books. “Is it okay if I put these here?” Her voice was so tentative. I let out a curse, and she picked up the bag again.
“It’s fine. I can put it in the chair or on the floor, just let me know.”
I cursed again, took the bag from her, set it back on the desk, and then cupped her face. Her eyes widened for a moment, and I placed my mouth on hers, needing her taste, wanting to soothe myself.
She sank into me, her hands going to my chest, digging in, not pushing me away.
“Oh,” she whispered.
“Oh, is a good word.” I sighed. “You’re welcome to put your shit anywhere you want.” I cringed. “I don’t mean that in an asshole way. I promise.”
“I believe you.” She blinked up at me. “So, we’re going to keep kissing then?”
“We can. But we should probably talk.”
“You’re right. Talking first. I just keep wondering why you keep kissing me.”
“Because I want to?” I asked, and she rolled her eyes as she stepped away.
“That might be a good enough reason if we weren’t having a baby.” Her eyes widened as she said it, as if she couldn’t believe the words had come out of her mouth. And, honestly, I was right there with her.
She put her hand over her still-flat stomach, and my mouth went dry.
“Jesus,” I whispered.