“Pregnant? How did that happen so quickly?” Elise sputtered before looking at Mackenzie.
Mackenzie just shook her head. “Are you okay?”
I didn’t know if they were saying all the right things, but they were saying everything that had gone through my mind already.
“What the fuck, man?” Dillon growled, looking over my shoulder at Tanner.
“It happened. We’re dealing with it. We haven’t told our families yet, but we thought it would be good to tell you since Natalie has morning sickness, and we don’t want to keep secrets anymore.”
I looked up at him and then tugged him down so he sat on the edge of the chair. I tangled my fingers with his and squeezed. He looked down at our hands, and the tension in his shoulders eased ever so slightly.
Then Miles spoke, the tension rising once again. “You’re having a baby. Okay, then. I didn’t expect this. I mean…Natalie?”
I looked at all of them then and knew I likely wasn’t explaining this correctly. If I had, they would be confused right along with me, but the complete and real confusion it almost hurt to hear wouldn’t be there.
“I don’t want to say it was an accident because bringing life into the world can’t be that, but it definitely wasn’t planned.” They all looked at me as if I might be going insane. And maybe I was. “Tanner and I aren’t handling this well, but we’re trying to. We’re not together—or maybe we are. That is probably an essential aspect that we’ll need to deal with before this baby is born or before we tell our parents what’s going on. But we’re doing this. We had sex. We used a condom. And, apparently, condoms don’t work all the time.”
Tanner cursed under his breath. “We were safe. These things happen. We’re pregnant.”
“You keep saying ‘we,’ and yet she’s the one having the baby,” Nessa exclaimed and put her hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry. I like you, Tanner, I’m just really confused and alarmed right now.”
“It’s fine,” he muttered, but it wasn’t fine.
They were all acting as if he had done something nefarious. But then again, maybe they thought he had.
“We all know I was a virgin. And now I’m not. Things happen.”
Tanner put his hand over his face and groaned. “Natalie.”
I looked up at him. “What? Why aren’t you saying anything? I’m terrified, and I want my friends to be by my side. I know they want to be. They’re just sitting there in shock like I am. I need to be happy about this because…yay, we’re having a baby. But, oh my God. I’m twenty-two years old. I’m not ready to be a mom. Still, we’re going to be parents. And I need my friends. Okay?”
They all moved in then and hugged me hard. I didn’t even realize I was crying until Tanner pulled my back to his chest, and the others were wiping my tears. “Congratulations,” Elise said, wiping her tears from her face. “You’re going to be a mom.”
“Out of all of us, you’ll probably be the best mom,” Mackenzie said. “Which is good since you’re doing it first.”
“First?” Pacey said, practically squeaking out the word.
That made me snort. “Look at me, trying to lead the charge. We don’t know what we’re doing, but I would love for you guys to be at our sides while we figure it out, because we’re still in college. I’m going to finish my degree since my due date is after graduation. I don’t know what’ll happen after that. Neither of us does. If you guys could just not judge us and help us instead, that would be wonderful.”
“We’re not judging you,” Dillon said, and I froze, noticing Tanner doing the same.
“I see. That’s me, the asshole. It’s fine. I’m good at being the asshole.”
“Tanner,” I whispered.
“That’s not what I meant...” Dillon began before Tanner cut him off.
“No, it’s okay. I get it. I knew what I was doing, you didn’t. And even though we used a condom, it didn’t work. That’s on me. So, blame me, hit me, call me fuckface, I don’t care. Natalie is not doing this alone. I’m going to be here. But for now, I think I know when I’m not wanted.” He walked out, leaving me standing there surrounded by my friends. I couldn’t help but wonder what had just happened.
“What the hell was that?” Pacey asked, blinking. “We didn’t blame him. We’re not blaming anyone. We’re just three steps behind whatever the fuck is happening.”
“Really? You guys were glaring at him. You did that. You treated him like a jerk or like he took advantage of me. He didn’t. I wanted him just as much as he wanted me—probably more if I’m honest.”
“Natalie, darling, you were a virgin,” Mackenzie whispered.
My eyes narrowed to slits. “You’re right. But so was Corinne. And she died. Remember that? She died without ever having sex. I did not want to die a virgin. I did not want to graduate college without having sex. I wasn’t waiting till marriage. I was waiting for the right time. And that was the perfect time.”
“Natalie,” Elise whispered, and I shook my head.
“I love you all. We told you because we thought it would be great if you were by our sides as we made the important decisions. I’ve always been there for you when you guys needed to talk things out. When you started with your relationships and wanted to share about classes or your families, I was there to do my best to be your shoulder. Now, I need you to be mine. And Tanner’s.”
“We didn’t mean to blame him,” Dillon said. “I know it looked like that, and maybe it sounded that way, but he’s our friend. He’s a good guy. We know he would never take advantage of you.”
“Then make sure he knows that. Tell him you’re sorry and deal with it. Now, I need to find him because I’m scared. And he’s never once treated me as less than.”
“We’re not doing that, are we?” Nessa asked, her eyes brimming with tears.
“You’re not. I promise. You made Tanner feel like that, though. Even if it wasn’t your intention, you did. All six of you are in healthy and strong relationships. Tanner and I aren’t. I don’t know what we are exactly, and that’s scary. I have no idea what I’m doing. And I’m going to need my friends. So, take a breath, talk amongst yourselves, get out any random whatever the fuck you need to about the fact that we are having a baby, and then come to us when you’re ready. I need to find Tanner. The father of my child.” And with that, I grabbed my bag and turned to follow Tanner.
My friends hadn’t meant to say anything wrong or to act the way they did. After all, we had surprised them. Only it didn’t matter just then. I needed to find Tanner. I needed everything to be okay. Because if he wasn’t there to be my rock, then I would have to be the strong one, and I wasn’t ready for that.
I was afraid if I didn’t grow a spine or find my footing soon, I would never be the rock I needed to be.
And we were running out of time.
Ten
Tanner
I paced around Natalie’s driveway, annoyed at myself for coming here. I could have gone anywhere. I could have gone to the club, to school, to a fucking coffee shop. But, no, I had run away from my problems like I did every single fucking time and came right to Natalie’s place.