“They’ve never met. I’ve tried so hard to keep it separate. I don’t want them to meet.”
“I don’t understand. Who are you trying to protect? Hayley or your selfish ass?”
“Selfish? You know what? For real, fuck off this time.”
I get up off the bench to leave him and this behind. Colton grabs my wrist as I try and pass. Looking down at him, the simmering rage is hiding, not so well, behind his eyes. It’s been a of couple years since I’ve seen it. I know it’s not something to mess with. “If you want to go outside to settle this, I’m fully willing to oblige, but you’re not leaving. Understood?”
He forces my wrist out of his hand, standing so we meet eye to eye. The unspoken conversation leads us to walk side by side out the sliding doors toward a bench that faces the same greenspace. Same fishbowl, different direction.
We sit down shoulder to shoulder. Colton reaches inside the pocket of his jacket to pull out a silver flask from inside. He unscrews the top and hands it to me. “Take a hit off that. This place sucks. I still wake up in a cold sweat some nights, thinking about it.”
The unnamed, unknown liquid burns from the back of my throat all the way down to my stomach. There is a clarity that comes with it. I nod slowly as my fingers gently squeeze and release the relief between them. Colton continues, “That feeling you have right now, that was the only thing I wanted, other than Rylee being okay. I needed that something to take a little of the edge off. I guess we’re more alike than I ever realized.” He chuckles.
“All right, asshole, what are you going to do? You’ve never given up on anything, even if it was the worst thing for you. Now you have the best thing for you. Doesn’t she deserve your best?” He looks down at his wedding band and smiles. “Don’t tell my father I just sounded like him. He’d love it.”
“I don’t think I could handle an Andy session right now. What you said is hard enough.”
“Is it hard or are you making it hard? I’m still asking the question, who are you trying to protect?”
“I don’t know is the only answer I have. I’m used to two lives. I’m away at work for days at a time, so when I come home it’s all about Hayley. I want Hannah to be like work and Hayley my real life.”
“Think about what you just said. I think back to the time when it was in the air that I was the father of Tawny’s child. I knew it wasn’t true, but until I could prove otherwise, it was square in Rylee’s face. Consider how it is for Hayley. She’s young. I would hope this type of relationship is not her normal.”
“Fuck. Thanks.”
“I didn’t mean it that way. Take another hit. Look, Wes, I can see how she looks at you. She’s gone. Like, as much as it disgusts me, she looks at you like a prince. Imagine how she feels, knowing if you stay together, she will not be the first to give you a child. Then you won’t even introduce them. What fucking message does that send? This Hannah has the upper hand and you.”
“The upper hand? No way. Not true.”
“Isn’t it, though? Let me set the stage for you, Mav. Here’s what I’m guessing is going on. Hannah calls and you run. She asks for you to fill some need and you’re right there for her. Am I close?”
“Well… yeah. Isn’t that the right thing to do?”
“For her maybe. Will she need things sometimes? Yeah, sure. Will you have to work out things with the kid? Yeah, but you’re not in a relationship with her. That is Hayley’s spot. Boundaries, man. Have you made that clear to either one of them?”
I sigh. “When you put it like that… no.”
“Keeping them apart will only make it worse. Hannah will always be in your life, and if you’re lucky, so will Little Sawyer. In your mission to keep them apart, your protection detail may have backfired. You need to get it straight, and quick. Last lap, Mav. Hit the finish line or spin out on the infield. I think a lot of that is up to you.”
Chapter 16
Dylan
The longer we sit here, the more I worry. I wish I could have been the one to get up and grab the coffee. I can’t wait until I can get rid of these crutches. Being stationary gives me another perspective I might not have otherwise. I hate the energy I can’t burn off, which I realize is nerves. I’m trying to decide which breaks my heart more, being on the side of waiting for Eli to wake up or watch him torture himself because he should have known something was wrong with Hayley.
I’ve watched him hundreds of times ponder decisions he’s made in a boardroom or on a conference call. His shoulders are rolled back, and his chin is high. He may close his eyes occasionally, but that’s only to process. For the last couple of hours, when he’s not pacing, his shoulders are rolled forward, his head is hanging or resting on his hand, and his eyes are no longer laser focused. They are glossy and vacant. I’m not only worried about Hayley, but I’m also worried about him.
The tension in his fingers is evident as he walks back toward me. I wrap my hand over his instead of taking the warmth I’d like. “She’ll be okay. I promise.” He exhales as he allows his fingers to mingle with mine. “I know you need to move. I understand that. I do, but sit with me for just a bit.”
He lowers to rest his body close to mine and releases my cup to me. Eli’s arm slides around my back, his fingers mindlessly twirling a piece of my hair at the end of my braid. “How’s your pain? I haven’t even asked. I’m sorry.”
“Eli, it’s okay. I’m not pain free, but I’m fine.”
“I dropped everything and ran. I didn’t even consider you.”
“Stop. I want you to stop it. I’m a big girl. I kept up just fine. You need to hear me when I say she’s going to be okay.”
“How could I be so blind, Viper? I’m her best friend. I bought into her explanations for everything. I should have dug deeper.”
“Listen to me. Unfortunately, if this is really what we’re dealing with, I’ve had some experience with it.” His hand stops moving. I can hear him hold his breath. “No, not me. The life of a dancer is sometimes very unforgiving. You wouldn’t believe the things I’ve seen both men and women, boys and girls do to their bodies for the price of a role or fame. It’s really dark and sad.”
“Why would she do this though? I don’t understand.”
“Okay, first, the doctor is only going off what he’s interpreting based on the tests. I know he said he got some information from Hayley, but you need to reserve judgment until we hear it from her.”
“What do you think, Dylan? Does this fit what you’ve seen before?” My fingers flex and contract around the warm cup in my hand. I stare down into the slowly rotating dark liquid, wishing I had a different opinion than the doctor. “Dylan?”
“Yes. Now that I’ve had time to think back, yes, I think he’s right. I don’t want to lie to you. What I do know is that she has a great support system. She has a man in her life who loves her. Not everything is sunshine, but we will be able to get her back to herself.”