“How do we do that? What are we talking about here?”
“My guess is therapy. I think it would be good for her anyway, especially with the baby mama drama. If I had to guess, if it were me, that’s where a lot of this is coming from.”
“Has she said anything to you about the baby? Hannah?”
“I mean… she has, and she hasn’t. She has a lot of questions, and rightfully so. I know I would if I were in her shoes. I know we’re not ready, at least I’m not, for a baby, but if you had one with someone else…” I let that thought hang in the air not only for him, but for me too. I guess it’s always been in the back of my mind. Just knowing he was married to Tori is enough to drive me to want to punch something. I can only imagine what it would feel like if he shared a child with her. “I hadn’t thought about it until I said it. Wow.”
“Wow, what? Tell me.”
“I know Hayley wouldn’t mind, but still I don’t want to break her confidence. If it were me, I’d want to know I have my place. I’d be yours; the baby would be yours and hers. There would always be this sort of wall, you know? If Hannah is anything like Tori, which I suspect she might be, there could be some game playing going on here.
“This is odd coming out of my mouth. Bear with me. Wes is a lot like you. His compass might point the entire fucking opposite direction sometimes. However, he does have a very strong sense of loyalty and we both know how he feels about family. I don’t know her, but if she knows this and wants to use it in a bad way, she could really fuck with his head, and in turn, Hayley’s.”
“I haven’t asked. I didn’t want to step into their business. The one fucking time I decide to stay out of it, this is the result. Now isn’t the time to probe. We need to get Hayley better and home. We need to get her to feel safe then we can talk about everything. I’m not going to let either one of them drown.”
“Eli, you can’t make choices for them either. As much as you want to fix it, the only ones who really can are Wes and Hayley.”
“Oh, Viper,” Eli sighs as he lets his head drop over onto my shoulder. I rest my head against his while my fingers thread through his. His thumb slides back and forth across my wedding band like an anxiety ring. I hope it helps.
“Mr. Sawyer?”
Eli’s head jets from my shoulder at the sound of his name. A nurse has approached us. “Yes?”
“Your sister is asking for you. I can take you to her, if you’d like?”
“Go,” I quickly tell him. “I’ll wait here for Wes.”
“Thank you. I love you.”
With a quick kiss, Elijah disappears behind the large security doors. I turn my attention to the hallway where Wes walked down quite a long time ago. I hope he reappears soon, for her sake and his.
Elijah
I wonder if this is how Hayley felt standing outside my room looking in at me. I know she doesn’t have the outward injuries or as many tubes and wires as I did. However, when you see someone you love hurting, it wounds deeper than you can possibly imagine.
The lights are low in her room. There is one light near her feet, which also brightens the wall that has all of her vitals on it. She’s rolled a bit away from the entrance to her bay. The pale blue curtains are pulled back just enough for me to see her from the hall.
Seeing her like this reminds me of any of the times she was sick when she was little. She’d want to be held only by me. I don’t know how I did it, even as an eleven-year-old boy, but I was always able to comfort her. I hope I have what it takes to do it this time.
I slide the door open farther to take a step in. Her body remains frozen under the blankets. My heart aches in my chest. With the hospital gown on, I can see her arms. Where she used to be toned, her sleeves reveal they’re much thinner than I’ve seen her. She’s very much my little sister.
Even as I approach the foot of the bed, Hayley doesn’t move. I want to see her face. I won’t have a clue if I can help her until I can see her eyes. Her chin is curled down to her chest. The chair makes a soft squeaking noise as I pull it to the side of the bed to sit beside her. That noise finally gets her to look at me.
Her eyes are red, hollow, and full of so much sorrow it breaks my heart. She didn’t look this sad when I gave her the letter from Wes. Hayley still had a fire then. There was a look of determination in her eyes that let me know she had it all under control and wasn’t going to give up. None of that is there now. She’s broken.
Her first words are a tearful whisper, “I’m sorry, Eli. I’m so sorry.”
At this point, the chair can go to hell. I know exactly what she needs. I crawl into the bed beside her and hold the blankets tight against her body. Minding her IV, she pulls her arms against her chest and buries her face against mine. “Shhhh. No, Kiddo. Don’t cry. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’m scared. Everyone hates me.”
“No. Stop. No one hates you. Everyone is worried. I called Mom and Dad. They will be happy for an update from your lips. Dylan is in the waiting room. She loves you and can’t wait to see you. Colton was very concerned and said he’d come down as soon as he could. Wes is beside himself.”
“I don’t know if I want to see him.”
“What do you mean, you don’t want to see him?”
“I don’t want him to see me like this. He shouldn’t have to fix me.”
“What do you think needs to be fixed, Hayles?”
“Nothing. Forget I said it.”
“You know you can tell me anything, right?”
“I know. I just… I want to go home.”
I hold her tighter and before I know it, I’m even rocking her slightly. “They’re going to keep you overnight. They said they want to make sure your system is balanced out and a few other things.”
“I don’t even know how I got here, Eli. It’s like I was me but not me at the same time. What do you mean a few other things? Like watch me eat. Right?”
“Hayley, I want to know things, but I don’t know how to ask. I don’t want to make it worse for you than it already is. I’m the one who is sorry. I should have pushed harder when I felt something was wrong. I’m your protector. I failed big time.”
“You didn’t know because I didn’t realize what was happening. I still don’t. I have so many feelings I don’t know what to do with. I’m so confused.”
Her tears never stop. They flow like waterfalls over rocks pooling on my chest. “Shhh. Take it slow. One thought at a time. One minute at a time. Not everything has to be sorted or solved right now. I just want you to feel physically better, and above all else, know that you are loved beyond words or measure.”
“I second that.” My eyes slowly meet Wes’s words midair. Hayley doesn’t look over at him. Her hands simply pull the blankets tighter in her frail fists. His body is mostly still in the shadow of the hallway. His hands are hidden in his pockets and his shoulders are slumped forward. He can’t hide his worry from me. “Dylan said you were able to have visitors down here. She’s sitting with Colton. I don’t want to ask, Brother, but I’m going to anyway. Can you give me a few alone with her? Please?”