My back tensed right back up again. “It was a day.”
“Oh? Tell me about it. Distract me from this traffic jam.”
“Nothing big.” I wasn’t going to unload on him, but I also couldn’t lie to Felix. Even when I tried to make light of something, the truth had a way of slipping out around him. He made talking feel good in a way that few others in my life ever had. “Shipping snafu to sort out for supplies for a sub deploying end of the week. We got it handled. Senior chief was pleased.”
“Ah. That’s good.” Felix’s tone was sympathetic. Maybe a little too sympathetic. “But you have mixed feelings about them deploying without you?”
How did he do that? Cut right to the heart of what I was dealing with. All damn day I’d been on edge, not even sure why. I’d passed by a homecoming celebration on my way to the barracks, and nearly cracked a tooth from gritting my jaw so hard. As I’d tried to articulate to Feinstein, I didn’t like not being out there. But at the same time, I also liked being right here, talking to Felix, and hell if I knew what to make of the swampy soup of feels I kept seeming to need to wade through.
“Yeah. But being on shore duty, at least I’ll get to go to Derrick and Arthur’s wedding. Speaking of, you said you’d help me pick out a present?”
It was a change of subject but also a sneaky segue into my plan to ask him to go with me.
“I did, didn’t I?” His tone was fond. Like Derrick’s when he’d talked about Arthur. My chest expanded, shoulders lifting too. Damn but I liked Felix and liked being the reason he was smiling in his car in rush hour. I’d heard him telling his stepmother that he wasn’t with anyone, and maybe that was technically true, but the tenderness in his voice said I might have a chance of changing his mind.
“Any evening you might be free for dinner? We could shop afterward.”
“Sounds lovely, but I’m not sure when I can get kid coverage, and unless you’re in the mood for spaghetti—”
“I’m always in the mood for spaghetti,” I said quickly, sensing an opening. “That on the menu tonight?”
“Yes, actually it is. That you angling for an invite?” He seized my bait so beautifully I had to stifle a chuckle as I pulled on jeans, not a uniform.
“More like offering to come help you make it. If I hurry, I can catch one of the fast rush hour ferries.”
“Well...” Felix drew out the word, and I could sense him waffling even from here. More and more his reluctance felt like an inside joke between us. He called and texted me every bit as often as I did him, and he was quick to reveal whenever he had kid-free time. “You did leave your tools behind. Come collect them and we can do some online shopping while the girls do homework.”
I had every intention of leaving my tools right where they were. The more visits I got, the better. And this felt significant, him inviting me over while the girls were around. Grinning, I put my shoes on. “Sounds great. I’m on my way.”
“Excellent.” Felix’s pleased tone warmed me all the way down to my shoelaces.
And just like that, my bad mood was gone. Poof. I got to see Felix and the kids. My step lightened, the way it sometimes did on my way to my parents’. Weird how much like home Felix’s place already felt. As I grabbed my keys and wallet, I tried to remind myself to not get in over my head. Somehow, though, I knew the lecture would fail.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Felix
“Is Calder your boyfriend?” Charlotte asked from the back seat, voice at such a high volume passersby probably heard.
I made a choking noise. “What? Why do you think that?”
We were in the pickup line near the pier waiting for Calder. He’d caught one of the fast rush hour ferries, and it had worked out well for us to pick him up on our way back home. But the wait time meant dealing with Charlotte’s endless questions and observations.
“He comes over a lot and he makes you smile.”
“Lots of friends make me smile.” It was true that Calder did more than most though. Simply hearing his voice earlier had brightened a crappy day. I still wasn’t entirely sure why I’d invited him to dinner, but needing a smile was certainly part of it.
“And Calder did a sleepover when we were gone,” Charlotte pointed out. Of course the junior detective hadn’t missed that little detail. “Flora says her mom’s boyfriend stayed over all the time and then he did a proposal. Now Flora gets to be a flower girl.”
“Good for Flora.” I rubbed the back of my neck with one hand.
“Will you marry Calder?” Charlotte clearly wasn’t done with the questions. “I like poofy dresses.”
“I am not marrying Calder,” I said firmly. God, the thought of marrying anyone again was terrifying.
It was.
I refused to entertain the image of Calder in a tux that tried to pop into my brain. Not welcome. Calder, married? Never. Even if he would make someone a far better spouse than I’d originally thought...
No. Still not going there.
“Good.” Madeline was rather emphatic from her seat next to Charlotte.
“Madeline? Don’t you like Calder?” Maybe inviting him for dinner had been a big mistake. I didn’t want to make the kids miserable. This was their time with me, not my own personal happy hour.
“Oh, he’s nice. And funny.” Her laughter went a long way to reassuring me that he wasn’t the most unwelcome of guests. “But you don’t need a boyfriend.”
On that we were in agreement. It didn’t matter what fanciful thoughts insisted on dancing in my head. It wouldn’t be smart or fair to the girls to date anyone right now, even someone who made me smile as much as Calder. But I also couldn’t have Madeline down on all relationships regardless of whether I was having one.
“Calder is a friend. But it wouldn’t be terrible if he was a boyfriend. Many boyfriends or girlfriends or partners are good people. Sometimes grown-ups like having another grown-up around.”
“I know that.” Madeline sounded all worldly. “But Tim made you sad. I don’t like you sad. Divorce sucks.”
“Don’t say sucks. But agreed.” Tim had never been Uncle Tim, had never enjoyed being around the girls even on a part-time basis, and he hadn’t done anything to make a better impression on the girls.
And this was an excellent reminder that even happy couplings ended, and those endings were hard on kids, even if they didn’t like one of the parties. Madeline didn’t need to see me all down in the dumps over another breakup.