Felix’s face softened as if he were tempted even as his shoulders stiffened. “Calder...”
“Well, this is a pleasant surprise.” Felix’s stepmother arrived, heels clicking against the sidewalk and wearing an elegant silver top way nicer than anything the other people milling around the entrance had on. She swept an appraising gaze over me. She seemed like the type who didn’t miss much.
“Likewise.” Felix gave her a fast hug. He was stiff with her too, which strangely reassured me. Maybe it wasn’t only me that he had a hard time letting in. His voice was still all doctor-formal as he asked, “I thought you had some sort of charity meeting?”
“It finished early.” Gabrielle made a dismissive gesture that had her open jacket swishing in the breeze. “Besides, Charlotte asked me specially.”
“She was rather enthusiastic with her invites,” Felix agreed, sparing a fast glance for me. “But I’m pretty sure this is a rather short performance.”
“It’ll still be fun.” Gabrielle linked arms with Felix. “Calder, nice to see you again.”
“You too.” I hadn’t missed her emphasis on again. And I matched her smile because I liked being a regular part of their lives even if Felix didn’t seem to quite know what to make of that development.
“Let’s go in and find seats.” He gave a resigned sigh like Gabrielle and I were marching him toward a high dive he’d be expected to leap from.
“Sure.” Meeting his gaze, I tried to tell him with my eyes that this didn’t have to be so scary. I believed in him. Believed in us. And I believed this thing could be a lot of fun if only he’d let it.
At the front door, we all had to show IDs and get checked in before we were led to a gym with a few rows of folding chairs set up. The chairs were too small for most adults, but we found three together. I didn’t even mind being cramped because it meant rubbing shoulders with Felix, which I’d take any day.
“Here they come,” some other parent whispered as a group of around twenty kids of assorted ages came in through a side door. Their young dance instructor bubbled with enthusiasm as she introduced the song, an upbeat pop number getting a ton of recent airplay. Arthur would tease me relentlessly if he knew, but I already had all the words memorized.
Accordingly, I forgave the tinny acoustics of the gym and hummed along as the kids danced to the song. They were charmingly off-rhythm and Charlotte kept stopping to wave at us. Madeline was there too, serious expression on her face as she and some older girls put more effort into following the instructor’s moves. Watching them both up there trying hard made my chest do this strange squeeze. Was this pride? I wasn’t sure, but I’d been feeling it more and more lately.
“Now for the fun part!” The instructor stepped back to the front to address the audience. “We’re going to do it again, but parents and visitors, you can join in!”
Join in? They wanted us to do a silly dance too? In public? It was one thing to goof around with the kids at the cabin or Felix’s house and another to make a fool of myself with an audience. And dancing type of coordination was never my strong suit.
“You don’t have to,” Felix whispered as some of the adults started reluctantly shuffling forward. Gabrielle ventured up there, heels and all. Yet again, he was assuming I wasn’t up for a challenge. I was damn tired of it. Fuck public humiliation. I wanted his faith in me more.
I stared him down. “I will if you will.”
Chapter Thirty
Felix
“I will if you will.” Calder had a stubborn set to his chiseled jaw. He had a point to prove. What, I wasn’t entirely sure. But he was here at the community center when I’d expected him to find an excuse to avoid the kid event. All week I’d been waiting for him to pull away because I wouldn’t agree to Chicago, bracing myself for him to invite someone else or otherwise move on from our friendship. But he hadn’t. And now here he was, the guy who really didn’t like eyeballs on him, daring me to go to the front with him.
I opened my mouth to tell him we could both stay put, but Charlotte chose that moment to crow, “Come on, Uncle Felix! Come dance!”
“Coming!” Damn it. Now I’d trapped both of us because of course Calder was right behind me as I went to stand near Charlotte. Madeline and her friends surrounded Gabrielle, who was listening intently to them and the dance instructor, who was demonstrating some of the steps. Gabrielle had always had a natural grace, and she made even the silly moves look elegant.
I, on the other hand, undoubtedly looked like a broken puppet trying to copy the instructor. Calder didn’t fare much better, bumping into me twice as we went through a practice run with the rest of the grown-ups who had chosen to join in. But he was here and he was trying, which was more than a lot of people would do.
About half the adults remained in the audience, some taking pictures of their offspring and laughing at those of us fumbling our way through the dance.
“Isn’t this fun?” Charlotte grabbed both my hand and Calder’s, swinging herself between us.
“Yep. Sure is.” Calder gave her an indulgent smile. His cheeks were pink though. Charlotte probably couldn’t tell how hard he was working to not be embarrassed, but I could and the urge to rub his arm or something was strong.
“Calder came! Nana too! Everyone I like is here.” She did a wiggle that wasn’t part of the dance, simply Charlotte being happy. Her unrestrained joy at Calder’s presence made my chest ache. What was it that I’d told Calder about uncomfortable emotions? I’d told him not to shy away from complex feelings, but right then, I wanted no part of the way pride and sentiment were battling it out with anxiety in my brain.
It was going to hurt when Calder stopped coming around either because of a deployment or because he moved on to someone more able to give him what he needed and deserved. Charlotte was going to miss him. Me too. So much. Him being so good with the kids only made it that much worse. We were all getting too damn attached.
“Now with the music!” The instructor called our attention back to the front as she fiddled with her phone, which was controlling the portable speaker.
“Come on, Uncle Felix! Smile!” Charlotte demanded.
I tried. I really did. But my head continued to churn even as the song started. I stumbled over my own feet, and Calder steadied my elbow.
“Careful. Don’t want to fall.”
I already had. I’d fallen for him even when I hadn’t intended to, and now I was falling for him all over again as he grinned at Charlotte and tried to copy her hand movements, making her giggle and giggle. He even sang along like he knew the lyrics. Being silly didn’t come naturally to Calder at all, and here he was, yet again making a big effort with the girls. He was so damn fearless, putting himself out there.