He glanced from me down at the sand then took a seat in it. “You have no idea how many times I told my brothers to leave me alone.” When he looked up at me there was enough emotion in his eyes that I couldn’t walk away. “They never did. So, sit your ass down. I’m not going anywhere either.”
I blinked a few times then sank into the sand a foot or two away from him but facing the ocean. I had no idea what to expect from him, so I held my silence and waited.
He cleared his throat. “Do you want to talk?”
“I don’t fucking know you.”
He looked around then met my gaze. “I don’t see anyone else here, do you?”
Ouch. True. If he was trying to make me feel better, he was failing. “Listen, the whole supportive brother act is beautiful, but I have all the family I need.”
He stared me down. “Are they here? Did I miss them?”
“Funny, only I’m not laughing, so maybe not that funny.”
He looked back at the ocean and sighed. “Have you ever wished you were dead? Not in passing—not just once. Have you ever looked in the mirror and hated the man you saw so much that you felt removing yourself from everyone’s presence was the kindest thing you could do for them?”
His words spoke to a dark corner of my soul. “I’m not suicidal.”
“Self-destruction isn’t always about jumping off a bridge or holding a gun to your head. I used to drink myself numb and hope I wouldn’t wake up.”
The crash of the waves calmed the storm in me enough for me to say, “I’ve been in that place.”
“And?”
“And I pulled myself out of it.”
“And you will again.”
I glared at him. “You don’t know me or anything about my life. No offense, but I don’t have any fucks left to give when it comes to this conversation.”
He smiled at that. “Things that bad?”
I turned to look out over the ocean again. “Why are you here?”
“Did I mention that my brothers never left me—no matter what I said to them—no matter how self-destructive I was? They couldn’t fix what was wrong in me, but that didn’t stop them from making sure I knew I wasn’t alone. You’re not alone, Kal.”
It was tempting to want to have the brothers described, but I didn’t believe it was possible. “Biologically we might be related, but that’s all we have in common.”
“For now.” He let those words hang in the air.
A wave of rage came and went—leaving me feeling defeated and not entirely sure what or who I was angry with. “I fucked up. I thought I was taking care of my family, but I wasn’t. Not the way I should have. Even now while I’m sitting here trying to figure things out, I’m fucking things up more.”
“I’ve been there.” Sebastian inhaled. “It seems like a lifetime ago, but I had a wife who loved me with all her heart. I thought I knew what being a good husband was, but I didn’t. I thought giving her a nice house and an easy life was love.” He cleared his throat. “I should have been with her the day she headed off to get an ultrasound for our baby. I wasn’t. There was a business meeting I felt I had to go to. Not a day has gone by that I don’t regret that decision.”
“What happened?” His pain was so intense I held my breath.
“I lost both of them to a car crash.” He slapped his hands on his knees. “So, I know what it feels like to fuck up. Something died inside of me. It took me a long time to forgive myself.”
“And now?”
“I’ve been blessed with a second chance. I have a wonderful wife, five amazing children, and I can finally look myself in the mirror again.”
“It’s a nice story.”
“It could be yours as well, but it starts by facing whatever it is in you that you hate. That’s the dragon you have to slay.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“I know it isn’t. It took me years. Thankfully, I had help and a reason to keep going. Heather and Ava believed in me even when I’d lost faith in myself.”
“Who are they?”
Sebastian smiled. “Heather is my wife, but she and Ava came as a package deal. Ava is her daughter and now officially mine as well. I’ve also been blessed with incredible parents.”
“Even though your mother was also with Antonio?”
Sebastian’s expression tightened. “We don’t talk about him, but yes. Turns out my mother was once just as human and fallible as the rest of us. She was dating Antonio before Dominic’s mother, Rosella, married him and moved to the United States. There’s a lot of years of anger and pain on that limb of our family tree. We’re all finally in a good place now, though.”
“Did you grow up with Dominic as your brother?”
Sebastian smiled. “Noooooo. Which was probably a good thing because our relatives in Italy used to call him the devil. It’s a long story.”
And one I’d read about. “They don’t call him that anymore?”
“They confused him with Antonio and that ended once they got to know him. Dominic is—an acquired taste. We all are, I suppose. He and I both faced challenges. The difference between us is that he faced his battles alone. I never had to. Even when I felt unlovable, there were people making sure I knew they were waiting for me to come back to them. He didn’t have that.”
I thought about my mother and sister. I had that. “Not even his sister, Nicole?”
“When Dominic left to look for his mother, he left Nicole with his father. For a long time, she couldn’t forgive him for that, and he felt he’d failed her. He hates that he wasn’t there for her when she needed him.”
The last part of our fight made sense to me then. “He told me I remind him too much of what he hates about himself.” I’d left Riley just like he’d left Nicole.
“You didn’t meet Dominic at his best. He was still reeling from disappointing your sister. He takes things like that hard. I believe he wanted to redeem himself by working things out with you. From what I heard that all went south when Abby and the kids arrived to save you from him. Dominic has been cast as the villain so many times, it must be frustrating and that’s why he lashed out at you.”
Our interactions that day made more sense after hearing that. “I didn’t help the situation. When he said he was there for my family more than I’ve been lately—”
“It hurt to hear because you felt it was true.”
“Yes, and I said some things I shouldn’t have.”
“My brothers and I often invite Dominic out with us so he can see how healthy sibling relationships work. We joke. We fight. We make up. Life goes on. No matter how angry we are, we’d still drop everything for each other if one of us were in need. He’s never had that and it’s what he craves more than anything else.”
I shook my head. “Why did he buy me that yacht?”
Sebastian shrugged. “I’m not a psychologist. I don’t understand half of what Dominic does, but maybe he just doesn’t know another way to show people he cares, at least not at first. With him, it’s a process.”