Because I was tempted.
So fucking tempted.
But my life is already complicated, and I won’t add to it.
“Vander.” Removing his hand from my face, I sidestep him, glancing over my shoulder at the door, grateful no one witnessed what just transpired between us. “You can’t get involved.”
“The hell I can’t,” he says, snapping out of his head.
He runs a hand through his hair, messing up the styling, sending waves of dark locks tumbling across his brow, and oh, how I long to touch him. I wish I knew what it feels like to thread my fingers through his hair, press my lips to every inch of his body, and let him move inside me. I subtly squeeze my thighs together as liquid lust rushes to my neglected core, reminding me I’m still a sexual being. I should be ashamed for having such thoughts, but lately, I am finding less and less reason to feel guilty for the naughty fantasies I’ve had about Vander Henley.
It should feel wrong. He’s only eighteen, and he’s my son’s best friend. So why does it always feel so right?
“Does he know?” he asks, effectively yanking me from the forbidden thoughts swirling in my head.
“Know what?” My brow scrunches in confusion.
“How we feel about one another.”
“I never told you how I feel,” I stupidly blurt because now definitely isn’t the time for this conversation.
A cocky grin spreads across his kissable mouth. “You don’t need to say it for me to know. I’m not the only one who steals sneaky looks or enjoys spending time together, and you forget I see you, Kendall.” He moves in, closing the gap I just created, taking my hands in his. “I know who you are, and I see the things even you don’t see or refuse to acknowledge.” Warmth seeps into my hands and up my arms as his callused palms cover mine. He frees one hand, lifting it to my scalp as his fingers tangle in my hair. Angling my head back, he stares at my mouth like he wants to devour it, and I’m seconds from throwing all caution to the wind and telling him to do it.
When he looks at me like this, touches me like this, all logical thought and previous convictions fly out the window.
“Our souls are carved from the same entity. You are the other piece of me. I was meant to find you, Kendall. We were always meant to be.”
I can’t contain my shocked gasp as he edges eerily close to confirming Dee’s assertion. I don’t know what is going on here, only it feels like I’m losing control. That I can’t stop whatever force is at play, no matter how hard I try.
Leaning in, he presses his mouth to my ear. His warm breath ghosts over my skin, eliciting a rake of delicious shivers. My core pulses with need, and internally, my soul screams at me to take what is mine. “It’s always just the beginning,” he whispers into my ear, quoting Marcus Aurelius again, and a powerful shudder works its way through me.
How am I expected to resist him when he quotes philosophy at me?
But resist him I must.
It doesn’t matter what he says or what Dee believes; Vander is eighteen. He’s got his whole life ahead of him, and starting something would not end well.
I’m aware I’m especially vulnerable now, but I’ve got to stay strong. “Why are you doing this now? I thought you understood. That’s why you stayed away.” He eases back, still holding my hands. I should pull away, but I don’t. I feel an inner peace whenever I’m touching him, and I cling to it like a lifeline.
“I purposely stayed away because you weren’t ready to admit the truth, but I’m done waiting, Kendall.” He drops my hands, clasping my face in his large, warm palms. “I’m going to fight for you now because you belong with me. That asshole has never appreciated you, and you’re not happy. West and Stella see it, and I see it. I was wrong to walk away, but I won’t be making that mistake again.” Steely determination washes over his face. “Leave him. Be with me. Let me love you the way you deserve to be loved.”
My jaw trails the floor as I stare at him, speechless and completely floored. This is nuts. He’s still in high school, and he has plans to go to college. Even if we could get over the other obstacles, I won’t be the reason he changes his plans and alters his future.
Vander chuckles, and his eyes radiate love and adoration. God, it would be so easy to get lost in those mesmerizing emerald depths. To imagine a world where there are no barriers separating us and no one would care if we were together, a world where we could be happy. I can see it. Easily. That thought alone should shock me, but I have always been able to look beyond the exterior and see the truth of the man standing before me. Sometimes I have to remind myself of his age because, when we spend time together, I often forget.
But that vision is just a dream. The reality is, there are too many obstacles in our path, and I have a family. A family I can’t just give up. If I can patch things up with Curtis, and we find a way to make things work and keep our family intact, that’s what I must do. Even if it means sacrificing my happiness and the potential love of a lifetime with the guy standing before me, opening his heart, and shielding nothing.
“I can’t leave Curtis,” I finally say, removing his hands from my face and stepping around the other side of the island unit, creating a physical barrier between us. “He’s my husband. The father of my children.”
“He’s a cheating douchebag, and you’re not happy.”
“My happiness doesn’t come into it.” My hands tremble as I remove the Saran Wrap from the drawer and cover a plate of food for Diana.
“Bullshit.” He slams his clenched fist on the marble countertop. “You can be a loving mother and be happy too. Those things aren’t mutually exclusive.”
“You don’t understand. It’s—”
“I fucking understand more than most,” he seethes, and a muscle pops in his jaw. “If my mom had left my dad when I was a kid and he first started beating her, she would’ve had a chance at being happy, and I sure as shit would be a lot less scarred. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you’re doing the right thing for your kids by staying with him.”
It’s scary and sad how much Vander understands.
“That’s why you took him back after he cheated, isn’t it?” he prods.
I glance at the door again, knowing Curtis and Ridge won’t be back for ages, but I’m not sure where West and Stella have gone. They could reappear at any second, and I can’t have this conversation here. “This isn’t the time or place for this conversation.”
He grinds his teeth, and I hate to see so much anger and pain on his face. “Answer me one thing, Kendall, and I’ll go.”
I wrap my arms around myself, instinctually knowing I need it.
“Do you love him?”
“I’m not answering that. It’s none of your business.”
He grins. “You just did.” He stalks around the island unit, and I scramble back until my spine hits the wall. He towers over me, consuming me completely without even touching me. “Do you love me?”
My heart thrashes against my chest cavity, and my mouth turns dry. “What?” I croak, grasping for time.
“You heard me.” His eyes bore into mine. “I love you, and I want to hear you say it too.”