“That’s your problem, Kendall. You lack ambition in all aspects of your life. You might be content with vanilla sex once a week, but I need more excitement. I want a woman who knows how to please a man in bed. Someone adventurous who prioritizes her man. That’s not you.”
His words cut through skin and bone, pulverizing my heart, like intended. I want to tell him I was bored with our sex life too—not that we’ve been having any for months. I was more than willing to try different things, and he fucking knows it. I should defend myself, but I can’t speak past the painful lump clogging my throat. It’s clear he has harbored resentment for a lot longer than I realized.
“And let’s be honest,” he continues, moving to the liquor cabinet to refill his drink. “It’s not like we got to choose. You got yourself pregnant and sealed our fates.”
Anger flares in my gut, and I swallow past the lump. “Last I checked, there were two of us involved, and I did choose. I chose you.”
“Well, I didn’t choose you.” He returns to his seat, flashing me a dark grin. “I did the right thing for my family, and that’s what we’re going to do now.”
“Fuck you.” I clench my hands into fists.
“No thanks. I’d rather screw a corpse.”
Hurt scuttles through me, and I fail to disguise it from my face.
He leans forward, gripping my face tight. “You need to work on your poker face, wife. This won’t do.” He lets me go with a disgusted grunt. “The kids need to be convinced, and you’re going to play your part.”
“Like hell I will. I’ll be filing for divorce the second I step foot in the office tomorrow morning.”
“No, you fucking won’t.” He gulps back his drink. “I don’t even have to threaten you to make you toe the line because you’ll do it for the kids.”
“Divorcing you is what’s best for the kids.”
He drains the dregs of his drink and stands. “Not right now it isn’t, and we both know it.” He shoves his hands in the pockets of his pants and his features soften a smidgeon as he looks at me. “You’re a great mother, Kendall. I would never, could never, take that from you. I know you’ll do this because divorcing now will upset West and Stella and derail their futures. You love them selflessly. I know you’ll do it for them.”
I hate that he’s right.
“We just have to play the loving couple in public until Stella graduates,” he reconfirms. He obviously doesn’t give a shit about upsetting Ridge. “Then we’ll divorce. You can have the house, and I’ll give you a generous cash settlement.”
“Did you ever love me?” I foolishly ask.
He shrugs. “At the start I did, for a while. But everyone knows first love never lasts. I was actually planning to break up with you before I left for college, but you got pregnant, and I couldn’t pull the plug then.” Pain, like I have never felt before, rips my insides to shreds as I contemplate how everything has been a lie, and I gobbled it up like a naive fool. “Then I was going to leave you ten years ago, but you got pregnant with Ridge.”
I remember the arguments we had when I revealed I was pregnant again. Ridge was a surprise baby, and while he hadn’t been planned, I was thrilled. Curtis went crazy when I told him, even demanded I have an abortion. I told him no, and he left for a couple days, eventually returning, but it was no picnic. We had a rocky time until Ridge was born and Curtis’s paternal instincts kicked in, like I hoped they would.
I raise a shaky hand to my mouth, fighting to keep my tears at bay. I can’t believe he was acting this entire time and I didn’t see it. I feel like such a gullible idiot. I invested so much in my marriage, yet it was doomed from the start because my husband didn’t love me. Pain eviscerates my heart, and the urge to curl into a ball and sob is riding me hard. But I won’t give this lying, cheating bastard any more of my tears, so I force them back inside and work hard to conceal the emotion from my face.
“I was planning on leaving you around the time I started my relationship with Lydia. Ridge was six, and West and Stella were teens. I figured they were all at ages where it wouldn’t upset them too much, but that stupid slut planted evidence on me knowing you’d find it and discover our affair. Stupid bitch thought I’d leave you for her. As if.” He laughs, and it sends nasty shivers down my spine. “She was just a pretty hole to fuck my boredom away. When you kicked me out and threatened to divorce me, it killed me being away from the kids. It made me realize I couldn’t go through with it until West and Stella had at least grown up.”
“Every promise you made at that time was a lie,” I say.
“Not every one,” he replies, staring down at me with no remorse. “I love my kids. I would die for them, and I returned because of them. But I haven’t loved you in a long time, Kendall. Any woman with half a brain would have figured it out a long time ago.”
It’s not enough to rip my heart from my chest and destroy every memory I’ve had from the time I was fourteen; now he has to insult my intelligence too.
“Affairs,” I say, staring at him with mounting horror as I recall something he said a few minutes ago. “You said affairs earlier. Not affair.”
An evil grin materializes on his face. “I’ve been cheating on you for years. The first time was during freshman week at college, and I’ve taken plenty of lovers since. It’s the only way I could tolerate playing happy family with you.”
That means he cheated on me before we were even married and every time I was pregnant with his child. Yet he continued to have sex with me while screwing other women, putting my health at risk. Nausea churns in my gut and travels up my throat as the true extent of his deception becomes clear. “You unimaginable bastard.” I climb to my feet as blood rushes to my head. “I hate you.”
He shrugs, letting my words float aimlessly over his head. “Your feelings are inconsequential to me. Just play the role of dutiful wife and mother, and in less than two years, we’ll be free of one another.”
Except we won’t ever be truly free of each other. We will be tied to one another for life through our kids. The thought depresses and devastates me. I clutch the arm of the couch as I sway, my legs threatening to go out from under me.
“I’m going out.” He grabs his jacket off the hook on the back of the door. “Don’t wait up. I’ll be fucking my girlfriend for hours because she understands how to please her man.” Clearly, he lied earlier when he denied he was having an affair, but he obviously feels there’s no need to hide it now West and Stella know part of the truth. Curtis casts a derogatory look over me, and I wonder what I ever saw in him. “You’re a mess. Use the time to pull yourself the fuck together.” He points his finger at me. “You don’t want to see what I’ll do if you don’t make this convincing for the kids.”
I fall back on the couch as he exits the room, waiting until I hear the front door shutting, before I fall apart.
8
VANDER
I’m returning home from the boxing club, just after ten, when I see Kendall walking in the direction of my house. She’s not in her usual walking gear. She’s wearing the same dress she wore to dinner earlier with no coat or clothing covering her bare lower arms. I know it’s milder than usual for early November, but it’s still fucking cold at night, and she’ll get sick walking around like that.