“Say what you need to say,” I tell them. “Get everything out on the table now, and hopefully we can move past this.”
“You’re not happy,” Stella says. “Either of you. We’re not blind.”
“I am happy,” Curtis protests, gripping the armrests tight. “I love my family, and I’m in a good place in my career. If you have picked up on anything, it’s the stress of my new job. I have a lot of additional responsibilities, and I’m feeling the pressure.”
That’s not exactly a lie, but it’s not the full truth either.
“Don’t talk shit, Dad.” West sends daggers at Curtis. “We’re not little kids. You can’t pull the wool over our eyes anymore.” The anger glides off his face, replaced with the saddest expression. His eyes turn glassy. “I don’t see any love,” he whispers, pressing a fierce kiss to the top of my head. “It was so obvious on vacation. I hated the way you spoke to Mom. I hate the way you treat her. It’s not right.”
“She’s our mother.” Stella’s voice ripples with emotion. “Your wife, and she doesn’t deserve this. She always puts us first, and it’s not fair.”
Shame zips through me, and I lower my eyes to my lap. It’s embarrassing I have let it get this far. That my kids have seen the painful truth while I have kept going about my life pretending like my marriage isn’t hanging by a thread.
“You’re right,” Curtis quietly says. “I’m so sorry.”
“Are you getting a divorce?” Stella inquires.
“Absolutely not.” I lift my head in time to see Curtis vehemently shaking his head. He slides to the floor and kneels before us, taking our daughter’s free hand in his and bringing it to his lips. He kisses the back of her hand. “I’m sorry I failed our family.” Letting her hand go, he moves over in front of me. “I’m sorry I failed you.” Tears pool in his eyes, and I want to believe him, but I’m finding it difficult. “I know I haven’t been trying hard enough lately, but I love you, Kendall. I love this life we have built, and I will do better. I promise. I don’t want a divorce. I want to fix things.”
I’m kind of numb as I listen to him saying all the right things. I glance at my son and daughter, and both stare at me with hopeful anticipation, and I know I need to do this. “I love you too.” The words feel hollow to my ears, and my heart doesn’t react at all when he leans in and kisses me. I can’t remember the last time he kissed me, and I feel overwhelming sadness as his lips brush against mine. The stark contrast to how I felt earlier when Vander did the same thing is telling.
Then, I felt tingles everywhere, and I had to fight a vicious internal battle not to grab his head and kiss the living daylights out of him.
Now, I have to hide a shudder and quell the urge to shove my husband away.
I force the brightest smile on my face as I turn to my children. “We don’t want you to worry. Your dad and I promise to work on our relationship. What’s most important is how much we love you both and your younger brother.”
“You guys are everything to us,” Curtis says, and it’s the only thing we agree on anymore. “I am sorry I let you down. I’m ashamed of my actions, but you need to put it aside and let me and Mom work through it.”
West darts in, kissing my cheek before standing. “I can’t promise that, Dad. I won’t let you hurt Mom again. Treat her right, and there’s nothing to worry about.”
Curtis clamps a hand down on West’s shoulder. “I can do that, son.” He yanks him into a hug. “I’m proud of the man you’re becoming and excited for your future.” He stands back, smiling a proud smile. “You just focus on school and football, and let us take care of the rest.”
“Are you sure you’re okay, Mom?” Stella asks, inspecting my face carefully.
“I’m fine, sweetheart. Daddy’s correct. Just focus on school, and enjoy being a junior. Responsibilities come around quicker than you’d think. Enjoy being carefree, and live your best life.” I hug her tight. “Try to put this out of your mind, and let us be the adults.” I brush dark locks out of her eyes. “Okay?”
They nod. We are silent as our kids exit the room, seeming happier than they were when they came in. West glances back at us, offering me a soft smile. I can tell he’s still concerned. No doubt Stella is too, and I vow to do better. They shouldn’t be worrying about this.
“Drink?” Curtis asks, closing the door and striding toward his liquor cabinet.
“No thanks.” I settle my hands on my lap, watching as he fixes himself a whiskey. He walks back over, reclaiming the chair rather than sitting beside me. “Did you mean it?” I ask, staring him in the eyes.
“Which part?” He waggles his brows as he swirls the amber-colored liquid in his glass.
“All of it.”
He stares at me as he drinks a healthy mouthful of his drink. Nerves jangle inside me as I watch him sizing me up with cunning eyes. Right now, Curtis Hawthorne is a complete stranger to me. As if I haven’t known him for over twenty years. There was a time I could tell what he was thinking just by glancing at him. Now, I have no clue, only that the cold, sneering, superior glaze of his eyes warns of impending cruelty.
“I meant it when I said West needs to focus on school and football. We can’t mess up this opportunity for him. He could go all the way to the NFL. He could have the chance I missed out on when I broke my arm. Nothing can distract him from that.”
I have always known Curtis is living vicariously through our son. If I didn’t know West lived and breathed football, I would have stopped Curtis from pushing him so hard, but the truth is, it’s what West wants. “I agree. It’s the same for Stella. Junior year is still an important year. We need to try harder. I had no idea they had noticed so much.”
“They’re smart kids.” He drains his drink before lifting his eyes to mine. I see zero warmth or compassion there. “So, we need to put on the show of a lifetime. At least until Stella graduates high school, and then we can divorce.”
Although I have been thinking of divorce a lot recently, his words are still a blow. I’m not sure what expression he sees on my face, but he laughs, and it’s a mean, spiteful sound. “God, you’re so fucking gullible.” He snaps his fingers in my face. “Wake up and smell the coffee, Kendall.” He crosses an ankle over his knee. “I told them what they needed to hear. Of course, I don’t love you. I haven’t for a long time. Why do you think I was fucking Lydia?”
“Because you’re a disloyal asshole.” I’m happy my voice doesn’t shake even though I’m trembling inside.
“No one could live up to your expectations, Kendall. You just have to be the perfect wife. The perfect neighbor. The perfect employee. It’s fucking exhausting, and you left no time for me. If you want to blame someone for my affairs, blame yourself. You dropped me like a hot potato the instant the kids arrived. And when my football dream ended, you weren’t there for me. All you cared about was I got a good job to support us.”
“That’s not fair! You know I was devastated for you, and what about my dreams?” I thump a hand over my chest. “You know I wanted to study philosophy in college and pursue a career in social research. Things haven’t exactly gone the way I planned either, but we have a good life. Amazing kids. Why couldn’t it be enough for you?”