“Really, you need to sit,” my father said.
I hadn’t realized I’d just been staring at him. I sat down and looked at the envelope he pulled out of his briefcase.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
I just stared at him.
He nodded toward the envelope.
I slowly undid the clasps and pulled out the contents. A stack of images. Pictures of Felix and Kennedy laughing outside Empire High. Felix was out of prison. And they both looked happy. I flipped to the next picture of them a little closer together. Were they dating now? That’s what Kennedy had wanted. I swallowed hard. Was that what my father was trying to show me? That my best friends were happier now that I was dead? I looked up at him.
“Keep looking,” my dad said.
I flipped to the next picture. It was of Matt and his friends. All the Untouchables back together. It looked like it had been taken in Matt’s backyard. I didn’t know how my father had gotten these pictures. But Matt was smiling with his friends. They all looked…so happy. Except for James. James usually had a frown on his face. But that was normal for him. The important thing about the photo was that they were all hanging out again.
Photo after photo after photo of the four of them looking happy. They were back to being best friends again. Since I was gone.
I swallowed hard as I came to the last photo.
Of Matt.
His arm slung around some girl I didn’t recognize.
“What is this?” I said, staring down at the picture of Matt. The girl beside him disappeared. All I could see was Matt’s face.
“To show you that everyone’s moved on, angel. And it’s time for you too.”
“He hasn’t moved on.”
My dad pointed to the girl. “I’m pretty sure they’re dating.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I don’t believe you. I don’t believe any of this.” I shoved the photos into his arms.
“Angel…”
“Don’t angel me! I’m not an angel!”
“Brooklyn.” He reached out to me.
“What are you trying to do to me?” Tears started streaming down my cheeks. “Are you trying to break me?”
“Of course not. I just want you to know that it’s okay to be happy without the people you left behind.”
“I didn’t leave them behind! You took them from me. You stole my life!” I started sobbing.
My dad put the pictures back down on the couch and stood. He tried to hug me but I stepped back.
“I don’t know what you’re doing. But trying to prove to me that everyone I love is happier without me? What is wrong with you?”
“I’m trying to show you the truth.”
“They’re snapshots. This doesn’t mean they don’t miss me. And one picture of Matt with some random girl doesn’t mean he stopped loving me!”
“I think it’s best if I leave these here for you to look through when you’re not acting hysterical.” He turned to leave.
Hysterical? God, he hadn’t seen hysterical. “Just because my mom didn’t choose you doesn’t mean true love doesn’t exist.”
He turned back to me. “That boy never loved you. And your supposed friends? They’re happier that you’re dead. Believe the pictures or not. But I’m the only one who still loves you.”
“This isn’t love.” I gestured between us. “You’re torturing me.”
“I’m saving you.”
“No. Saving me isn’t keeping me locked up. Saving me is getting Isabella help. She needs help, Dad. And keeping me here isn’t helping her. It’s enabling her.”
He shook his head. “All I’ve ever done was help you. I pulled you out of the slums. I gave you everything…”
“I didn’t ask for any of this!”
“We’re not having this conversation while you’re hotheaded.”
“God, and where the hell do you think I inherited that from? It certainly wasn’t my mom.”
“I brought a Christmas tree and some decorations. I cleared my whole weekend so we could celebrate early.”
What? That was the worst segue in the history of segues.
He pointed over to a tree in the corner that I hadn’t noticed. “How about we calm down and have a nice day full of family and cheer?”
“Bite me.” I wasn’t celebrating an early Christmas with this asshole. He was right. Christmas was for family and cheer. I had none of either. And I had no desire to celebrate Christmas a week and a half early just so he could celebrate the holiday on the right day with his legitimate family.
He sighed and looked at his watch. “Well, if that’s how you feel, I guess I should get going then.”
I certainly wasn’t going to protest. If he stayed much longer I might do something that made me deserve to be locked up.
“Merry Christmas, Brooklyn.” He shook his head and walked away from me. His cane echoing in the empty house each time it hit the floor.
As soon as the door closed, I thought I would break. I thought I’d fall to my knees and cry the rest of the day. But I just felt…nothing. I was numb, even though that was the feeling I was trying to avoid.
“Brooklyn?” Miller said as he approached me. “Are you…”
“I’m fine. It’s fine.” I wiped the remaining tears from my face. “I’m sorry that you had to see that.”
He didn’t respond.
“Let me clean up the sand I tracked through the house. Then I’ll make breakfast.” My voice cracked on the last word.
Instead of moving out of my way, Miller pulled me into a hug.
And I started crying. Big, chest shaking wails escaped my throat. I barely even recognized the noises as coming from me. I couldn’t breathe. “I’m sorry,” I said again, even though I didn’t exactly know what I was apologizing for. “I’m sorry.”
He just held me. He let me fall apart in his arms. He let me soak the front of his shirt with tears and snot. And he didn’t let go.
Why was I even crying? I was pissed at my dad. I didn’t believe a word out of his mouth. None of it. But the pictures? Kennedy was happy. Felix was happy. Matt…he looked happy. Happy without me.
I was drowning. Every day it felt harder and harder to come up for air. And Matt was hanging out with his friends. Hanging out with other girls. Smiling. Laughing. Living. And I was dying. Slowly dying missing him.
“Take a deep breath,” Miller said as he ran his fingers through my hair.
I knew I was just having a panic attack. I knew it and yet…it didn’t feel like that. It felt like my life was ending. And a part of me wanted it to. My heart hurt. My whole body ached.
“Breathe, kid.”
But I didn’t. I just kept sobbing. And I clutched Miller like he was my lifeline.
Chapter 16
1 Week Later - Saturday
Miller cleared his throat.
I’d felt him staring at me from the deck for a long time. Or else he’d been watching the sunset too. And the stars light up the sky. I wasn’t sure he was brave enough to venture out to the beach to talk to me. Not after he saw how crazy I’d acted last weekend when I snapped at my dad. Or how cold I’d been this week. I felt like getting close to him was a betrayal to Matt. So I was pushing him away. And now I felt more isolated than ever.