“Breathe, kiddo. Everything will work out,” Collin coaxed. “Yes, everyone worries about you. You were missing for so many years. They all worry and that will not stop anytime soon. That won’t matter where you are. Near or far. But you are strong. Determined. And smart. You can do this. Only you, Scarlett.”
“And if I can’t?” I whimpered.
“You will come out of all this stronger than ever, Scarlett. You will show this world just what you’re capable of. You will blow everyone away by the force of determination you have when you’re ready to return to us.”
“You think?” I sniffed. How could he be so sure? I felt like everything could cave at any time.
“I don’t have to think. I know,” he said gently. “It’s only been a few days. What you’re going through, it can be a bitch to handle. Mood swings. Panic attacks. Anxiety. Depression. Many of the people who care about you have gone through similar things. I’ve seen some of them at the lowest of lows, just like you.
“Think about this: if they can find footing on unstable ground, so can you. The stronger you get, the stronger everyone else will be around you.”
“Are you telling me I’m the glue holding everyone together?”
“Eh, more like the nail holding us all up on the wall. Has your therapist prescribed you anything?”
“No,” I swallowed. “She’s more of an all-natural type.”
“That’s what you want. But don’t be afraid to ask if you want to try something prescribed. There are many things out there that can, and will, help.”
An hour later, knowing I needed something other than being left alone to my own thoughts, I made my way to the community center where the group session was about to take place. I was early enough to have a few moments before it began.
The smell of coffee and fresh cookies wafted from the main room. A number of chairs there were placed in a circle, and fear began to make my heart race.
I couldn’t do this. I wouldn’t be able to talk to a bunch of strangers. What the hell would I even say? It wasn’t like they really cared about my issues compared to whatever they were going through. I didn’t belong here.
“Good evening, Scarlett,” Dr. Mayes greeted, startling me. “I’m glad you came.”
“Hi,” I answered my voice squeaky, willing my panic to go away again. I needed to go.
“Hey,” she said, coming to stand in front of me and placing a hand gently on my arm that wasn’t wrapped around my torso. “Are you worried you’ll have to talk?” At the quick nod of my head, I sucked in a breath as she went on. “I don’t make anyone talk here. You are free to talk, if and when you feel like it. You don’t even have to give your name to anyone here, if you don’t feel like it. There are a few others here who don’t say more than a word or two. Most of all, there is no judgment. This is a safe place.”
“Okay,” I said, slightly feeling better. Only slightly. So many things could cause me to panic, and that alone made the anxiety take more of a hold of me.
“Also, if at any time during group talk that you feel like you need to leave, you may. I won’t make you stay or listen to someone who causes you to feel uncomfortable. I do ask that you stick around and calm down before leaving the building, but I won’t make you. That’s more for me to make sure you are mentally in a safe place so I don’t worry you’ll do something you’ll regret later.”
“OK,” I breathed out.
“Kay, then,” she smiled. “The first time is always a bit challenging. But it’s not bad. You’ll get used to it after a while, and I hope that you will make some friends here in these sessions.”
“Scarlett!” I would know that voice anywhere. I wasn't sure if it was dread or relief that made me stiffen more than I already was. Did I want her to know that I had issues? “OMG, I so didn’t know you’d be here. If I would have, I’d have waited and walked with you. I guess it should have clicked. But I’m so happy you came.”
“Oh? You two know each other?”
“She’s my new neighbor,” Sawyer stated. It was like she’d known me for her entire life with how excited she was.
“Then you won’t mind helping her tonight?” Dr. Mayes asked.
“Of course not!” the girl gushed from beside me.
“You’re in good hands, Scarlett,” Dr. Mayes said with a small smile before going and greeting someone else.
“So, cookies, coffee, and juice are over there.” Sawyer pointed towards the table that was set up with snacks. “There are never too many people who show up, but still, this is a nice way to try and meet new people. No one here gets too personal. At least, not in this meeting. It’s more of a survivor’s thing than anything else. Now, that guy over there is new tonight too, so you won’t feel like the only new one among us. And that girl with pink hair isn’t always here. Also, she isn’t a fan of me. But whatevs. Anyhow, want a cookie?”
“Uh, sure?”
“W-w-who’s your friend?” a boy asked. Other than his pimple filled face, he looked like any normal young adult. I had to guess that he was about the same age as I was. His black hair looked like it needed washing, and he was skinny, but he seemed friendly enough
“Scarlett, this is Miles,” she said with a wave of her hand. “He’s been here for almost as long as I have.”
“Nice to meet you,” I said, giving out a forced smile.
“You’ll be-be-be stuck with her now for-forever.”
“I think that’s something I can handle,” I said, a small, real smile touching my lips. Sawyer was nice, in her own weird way. She was someone I could certainly like if I let myself.
“Aww. I feel so honored,” Sawyer said, placing both hands on her chest.
I shook my head before looking down.
“Time to take a seat!” Dr. Mayes said over everyone.
I gulped.
“You’ll be fine,” Sawyer said, taking ahold of my hand and dragging me to the circle of white chairs. “It’s like a huge show and tell more than anything.”
“A t-t-time to com-com-complain is more like i-i-it.”
“Yeah, that too.” Sawyer laughed as she took a seat. I took one beside her with Miles taking the one on the other side of me.
Moments later, when everyone was seated, Dr. Mayes took her seat and looked around the circle with a soft smile.
“There are a few new faces today. Scarlett, Ellie and Mason. It’s great to see you three here, along with everyone else. How about we go around and introduce ourselves. Just a name is fine.”
From the right side of Dr. Mayes, everyone spoke their names. Some of the people slouched in their seat. Others sat stiffly. Miles was one of those who seemed like he’d rather be somewhere else, while Sawyer seemed more than happy to be here.
I didn’t catch any of the names. My heart was in my throat. My voice was small and squeaky when I spoke my own.
“Today’s topic is what makes you happy. That can be anything from a simple drink order or some life-altering thing that has made a huge impact on your life. The purpose of this session is to show what good we have in our lives and to not dwell on the bad. Who wants to go first?”