“I didn’t have one on.”
I grunted like a fey and grinned at my cleverness. Then I started tracing my fingers down his sternum.
“I wunner where thish goesh…”
I groaned as I became aware of the pounding in my skull.
“Why?” I moaned.
“Take this.” I lifted my head to look at Thallirin. He held out two white pills. I took them along with the glass of water that he offered.
As I swallowed, bits of the night before filtered in.
Me going through all the cupboards and demanding Thallirin make cupcakes. Thallirin petting my hair as I heaved my guts out in the toilet. Thallirin putting paste on my toothbrush so I could brush. Thallirin trying to stop me from stripping out of my clothes before I crawled into his bed.
I lifted the covers, hoping I was remembering things wrong. Nope. Naked.
But before all of that, I remembered petting his chest and loving the way he shivered under my caresses. I’d really liked how it had made me feel. How he’d made me feel. I’d asked for friendship but realized I’d taken things a lot further than that. I wasn’t ready for the end game, but I honestly didn’t mind the evolution. Just so long as he didn’t mind it, either. I remembered the way he’d gently dislodged my touch and tried to redirect my attention last night and mentally cringed.
“Cassie said you would feel sick today. She said no showers until she talks to you, herself.”
I looked up at him, meeting his steady gaze.
“Did I wreck everything?”
“I cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom.”
“Not that. I mean, I’m really sorry about all that. But, last night, did I wreck what was growing between us?”
“Are you asking if I still want to be with you?” he asked.
“Yeah. That.”
“I’ve never wanted anything more.”
Relief flooded through me before I frowned at him.
“What was up with ignoring me yesterday? I can understand the morning and wanting to keep your head in the game, but after I was hurt on the supply run? That’s a dick move to have someone else take me to get stitches. What gives?”
He glanced away for a moment then sat on the bed next to me.
“I looked. I tried not to, but your skin is perfect. Pale. Smooth. Unmarked. I looked when I knew I shouldn't. And I couldn’t bring myself to endure the hate and disgust I knew I would see in your eyes.”
I stared at him for a minute, at first thinking he was telling me he’d snuck a peek last night. But it wasn’t last night’s strip tease he was talking about. He meant yesterday morning when I woke with my boobs hanging out of my shirt.
“You thought I'd get mad for something that wasn't your fault?”
“Looking is my fault,” he said.
“Okay. Fine. Yes, you chose to look. But, it was just looking, Thallirin. I’m not ashamed of being naked. It's not that big of a deal. It hurts more to think that you don’t like me after all the time you spent telling me you do.”
“I did not give you a choice. You weren't awake.”
The comment on the roof suddenly made sense. He was taking the choice-speech I’d given very seriously. While I appreciated it, I was also worried for him. He’d been torturing himself for nothing this time.
“You seriously thought I was trying to shoot you yesterday? I was trying to warn you not to go in that stupid trailer.”
He grunted, and I exhaled heavily.
“We are so different,” I said. “Not because you’re fey and I'm human, but because you’re a man and I'm a woman. We think completely different. If we want to avoid misunderstandings, we have to talk about stuff as it happens, Thallirin. Don’t assume I’m thinking something because I’m probably not.
“I’m definitely not angry that you saw my boobs yesterday. And I don’t think that you looking at them was taking a choice from me. It was something that just happened. How you reacted was a little scary at first because I didn’t understand what was going on, but I wasn't mad.”
He exhaled slowly.
“We’re okay, then?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“Good,” I said with a smile. “How long do I have until Cassie comes back?”
“She didn’t say.”
I reached out and caught his hand.
“Thank you for helping me last night.”
He turned my hand palm up and ran a finger over the sensitive skin, tracing the lines there.
“You’re softer than I imagined,” he said.
“My hands aren’t soft,” I said with a smile. “My fingers are almost as calloused as yours. Feel my stomach.”
I pulled back the covers, exposing my middle as well as my top.
The air left him like I punched him in the gut.
“I told you before that nudity is nothing to be ashamed of, Thallirin.” I took his hand and brought it to my navel. “This is softer skin here. No callouses.”
His eyes held mine for a long moment before his gaze drifted down. He stared long and hard at my chest, and I could feel the heat creeping up into my cheeks as he went further south. I held still under his scrutiny, though.
The mattress underneath me started to tremble even though his fingers stayed right where I placed them.
“You have my permission to touch me, Thallirin.”
His gaze flew to mine.
“No,” he said.
“Why not?”
Instead of answering me, he got up and walked away. I wasn’t offended. Annoyed that he wasn’t talking to me, but not offended. Too hungover to push, I left him alone to sort through his feelings. Instead, I used the bathroom before returning to bed. His bed. The pain reliever and the hangover demanded a nap.
In a form of mild protest over his persistent hang-up with my birthday suit, I didn't bother putting on clothes.
Cassie woke me a while later with a gentle knock on the door.
“How are you feeling?” she asked when I turned from my stomach to my back.
“Better. The hangover is way worse than the stitches.”
She grinned.
“Your mom was a little worried when she heard you came here, but Uan reassured her that everything was proper.” She lifted her brow and nodded at the bare shoulders exposed above the covers.
“Is everything proper?” she asked.
I snorted.
“Thallirin accidentally saw my boobs and acted like he wanted to gouge his own eyes out. I don’t think it can get any more proper.”
“Fair enough. Any pain where I stitched?”
“Not really.” I stuck my leg out so she could inspect it and listened to her instructions to take it easy.
“The cut wasn't very deep, and you’re young. You'll be up and moving around soon.”
“Yeah, it's not the leg that's keeping me in bed. It's the damn headache.”
She grinned.
“Sorry about that.”
“You don't look too sorry about it, but that’s okay. I can't imagine what it would have been like to get those stitches without a little bit of liquid help.”
She patted my hip and left me alone.
So did Thallirin. It gave me time to think. Two close calls were enough for me. I didn’t ever again want to relive the terror of wondering if I would turn. There were two options to ensure that didn’t happen. Stay locked in this house or gain immunity. Unfortunately, the only way to immunity was hiding somewhere in this house.