Thallirin had more than grown on me. But was I comfortable enough with him to have sex? My pulse started to race in a good way just at the thought of it.
Then I snorted to myself.
Did my comfort even matter, given his refusal of a simple touch to my stomach? I frowned, thinking of his likely answer to any actual advance I might make. He was resisting what was growing between us more than I was. Well, maybe just the physical piece. Yet, that resistance was what was helping to propel me forward. Thallirin wasn't like Van. I was starting to really see that the big grey guy wouldn't take what I wasn't willing to give.
I got out of bed and took one of the birth control pills my mom had given me. Only the third dose. She'd warned me not to do anything for a week after starting them. But that was fine. Thallirin and I weren’t quite there yet, anyway. Thankfully, the wait would give me a few days to work up to being ready. Given Thallirin’s repeated reactions to me, we would both need that time.
First, we needed to get him over the nudity thing. Since the day of my mom’s return home after her accident, that had been one of the rules in the house. Probably a weird one for some people, but I’d seen what it’d done for Mom. Dad couldn’t be there all the time. Zach and I had had to help with things most kids never had to deal with at our ages. Bathroom duty, especially bathing, hadn’t been easy on her or us. No one wanted to see their mom naked because it was weird…until we made it not weird. Removing the stigma and boundaries of nudity had freed us all from awkwardness and had helped start the process of emotional healing for Mom.
I hoped removing the stigma here would help Thallirin become more comfortable around me.
Tossing the pills back in my bag, I went out to the kitchen. Thallirin’s eyes nearly popped out of his head when he saw me.
“Might want to close the curtains,” I said. “There are people out there with binoculars.”
He moved with insane speed and had every window in my vicinity covered in seconds.
“Did we ever make those cupcakes last night?” I asked, moving around the kitchen, looking for anything that resembled a cupcake.
“Brenna, go put clothes on.”
I glanced at him. He stood in the entry, completely still, his gaze riveted on me. Only this time, he looked his fill.
“Please,” he whispered harshly.
I went to him, placing my hands on his shirt just over his heart. It was beating crazy fast.
“There’s nothing wrong with my body,” I said. “I wasn’t born with clothes. We use them to keep warm. I’m warm in here. Does looking at me like this offend you?”
“No.”
“Good. I want you to look at me, Thallirin. I want you to see me for the woman, not child, that I am because I don’t want to turn into one of them. The infected. I’m not saying I’m ready to have sex right this minute, but I’d like us both to be okay with the idea that it could happen. Maybe soon?”
He shook his head slowly.
“No.” The word was more of a tormented plea.
“Your reaction is hurting my feelings. I’m trying not to let it, but I’m starting to feel like there’s something wrong with me.” I looked down at myself. “I know I’m a little underfed, but we have more supplies now, and I’ll fill back in. My boobs were never really big.” I shrugged and met his gaze again. “In that department, what you see is what you’ll probably get for life. But I think I look pretty normal.”
“You are perfect.”
The way he said it heated my cheeks a little, but I pressed on.
“So, it’s truly just the age thing again?”
He averted his gaze for a second, and I sighed.
“I thought we went over this already. A few days or weeks isn’t going to miraculously change me. Eighteen is just a number.”
He shook his head without looking at me.
“Fine. But remember that if I go out there in a few days with a stitched leg and move too slow and get bitten, you’re the first one I’m going after.”
Annoyed, I went back to his bedroom and crawled into bed. I spent most of the day there. Naked and sleeping. Once I woke to a bowl of soup next to me, which I promptly ate. Near dark, I felt well enough to venture out again. I used the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and combed my hair. I felt human.
Still shunning clothes, I went to look for Thallirin. He was sitting on the couch. No lights. No TV. Just sitting there.
I flicked on the nearest lamp.
“You okay?” I asked.
He glanced at me then went back to staring at the dark TV.
“Please dress, Brenna.”
“I will if you can look at me and tell me that my nudity is offending.”
He fisted his hands and remained quiet.
I moved closer to him, standing by his knees.
“Will you let me try something?” I asked.
He nodded, not even questioning what I wanted to try. I modestly sat on his lap, draping my legs to one side and hooking my arm around his shoulder. His back twitched under my fingers.
Heart thundering in my ears, I gently turned his head toward me. I vaguely recalled kissing—well, licking more than kissing—him last night and liking it. I needed to know if that had been a real emotion or a drunken one.
Slowly closing the distance between us, I brushed my lips against his. A jolt of pleasure darted through my stomach at the same time he stopped breathing. His lips were firm and warm as I brushed mine against them once more. Heat continued to spiral inside of me, and I daringly opened my mouth to graze his lower lip with my tongue. He groaned. I didn’t stop. I nipped and nibbled until, with a growl, Thallirin’s arms wrapped around me.
He opened his mouth, and his tongue met mine. All thought fled at the contact.
He leaned over me, taking control and claiming what he’d known was his since the beginning. My heart hammered against my ribs, and I made a small sound of satisfaction as I dug my fingers into his hair. He was gentle yet demanding. Ridiculously strong while also achingly tender with each subtle touch.
Just as quickly as it started, it stopped. I found myself alone on the couch with Thallirin sitting in the far chair.
“Will you dress now?” he asked, his voice a tormented rasp.
Numbly, I reached up and touched my lips. All of me felt tingly and on fire. I’d never been more turned on in my life. What I’d felt during last night’s drunken kiss had only been a liquor-muted shadow of what I now felt.
I wasn’t broken forever. With Thallirin, it seemed I was whole and, more importantly, very willing.
Panting, I studied him for a minute. His pupils were dilated and the tips of his ears were such a dark grey they looked black. His hungry gaze pinned me, and based on the way he leaned forward as if he wanted to launch himself across the room again, his white-knuckled grip on the chair was the only thing keeping him in place. Yet, despite all the desire I saw, he looked tormented, like I’d pushed him too far.
I went to my room and closed the door to do as he’d asked. However, after putting on my sleep shorts and top, I sat on the bed and stared at the dresser in growing concern. What was I doing? I’d been very plain in what I wanted, but what about what Thallirin wanted? He’d made that plain, too, and I’d ignored it. Had I just used that kiss as extortion to see me dressed again?