Standing, I changed out of my sleepwear and got fully dressed. I needed to apologize, then clear my head.
Thallirin was still in his chair when I returned.
“I’m sorry I pushed you,” I said. “I’m going to go to Mom’s for dinner. Is it okay if I come back here when I’m done?”
He stood and stalked toward me, looking a bit more angry than usual.
“You’re leaving?”
“Yeah. I thought you might want a little quiet time without me.”
His arms wrapped around me, holding me just a little too tightly.
“No,” he rumbled. “Don’t leave.”
His arms felt so good around me as I hugged him back.
“I’m not leaving-leaving. Just going to Mom’s for dinner. I should have put clothes on like you asked. It wasn’t fair for me to push you or use getting dressed as a bribe for a kiss. It was manipulation, plain and simple, and I wouldn’t have liked it if you’d done that to me. I’m truly sorry, Thallirin, and I swear I won’t ever do that to you again.”
His hand stroked over my hair.
“I liked the kiss,” he said. “More than I should have.”
Annoyance flared as I understood the way he’d acted wasn’t because of the kiss but because of my damn age. However, I’d said all I could say to help him see it the way I saw it. I sighed and rubbed my cheek against his shirt.
“Do you want to come to dinner with me?”
He grunted and picked me up.
“I can walk,” I protested. “It doesn’t hurt.”
He stopped in front of the door and looked down at me.
“Do you want me to stop?”
The way his gaze skimmed over my face and his hands tightened ever so slightly around me told me he liked holding me just as much as I liked being held by him.
“No.” I rested my head against his shoulder. “Don’t you want a jacket?”
“No.”
I smiled, knowing what that meant. He was comfortable with me. He knew I wasn’t looking at his scars, but at him. He stepped out into the cold and started toward Mom’s house. I pressed my nose against his chest for warmth but ended up inhaling deeply instead.
“I like the way you smell,” I said.
His steps slowed before picking up speed once more.
I grinned and smoothed my hand over his chest.
“I like the way you feel, too.”
He slowed again.
“Do you want me to stop?” I asked.
“No.”
“Can we kiss again tonight? After dinner?”
He looked down at me and started to shake his head. I gave him my best sad face. He stopped walking completely, and I could see he was torn. He wanted to make me happy, to give me what I wanted, what we both wanted, but he also wanted to respect the rule about my age.
“I liked kissing you, too, Thallirin. I was so worried I’d never like touching anyone that way ever again. But kissing doesn’t have to mean sex. It can be a way for people to show that they have affection for one another or a way to test how much they feel for one another. That’s what I was doing. Testing how you make me feel. Sometimes kisses are just nice. Just nice isn’t enough for me to start a relationship. I want kisses that are exciting and make my heart race.”
Putting what I was feeling into words was making my heart feel weird. How could an organ feel tight?
I focused on his shirt and toyed with the fabric.
“I liked our first kiss, and I want to do it again to help understand just where my feelings for you are going. But I don’t want you to feel that you have—”
“Brenna.”
I looked up at him.
“Our kiss made my heart race. My blood heat. My hands itch to touch you in ways I shouldn’t. Kissing you is dangerous.”
That just made me want to kiss him more. But, I’d said my piece. And, I’d damn near begged. If he wasn’t ready, I needed to respect that.
“Okay.”
He growled a second before his lips claimed mine. It wasn’t soft or sweet or tentative. It was hard and consuming. And, over almost as quickly as it had begun.
I blinked up at him, dazed.
“Your heart is racing,” he said softly.
“Yeah, I think you’re right.”
He took a deep breath and started walking. I relaxed against him with a soft smile, my decision made.
Mom’s house was lit up like a Christmas tree when we got there. Not sure what was going on, I rang the doorbell just in case.
Uan answered and quickly stepped aside for us.
“Brenna is here,” he called.
“About time,” Mom called back. She appeared in the entry and crossed her arms as she gave me a stern Mom look.
“I’ve been worried sick. Zach told me you were hurt. I had to hear from Cassie that she stitched you up then sent you to Thallirin’s house—drunk—because you told Kerr I would be mad if he brought you here, where you belong. What were you thinking?”
I tapped Thallirin’s shoulder to indicate I wanted down. When I was on my own two feet, I crossed over to Mom and knelt by her chair. It tugged at my stitches a bit, but I ignored the ache. Mom was close to losing her shit.
“I wasn’t thinking. I was hurt and intoxicated. We both know that’s a bad combination. I’m sorry what happened scared you. It scared me, too. Enough that I think I’m ready.”
Her expression lost some of its anger, and she looked from me to Thallirin, then back again. I followed her look and found him watching me with an indiscernible expression that wasn’t as angry looking as usual.
“Reacting out of fear is dangerous. Mistakes are always made,” Mom said, reclaiming my attention.
“It’s not out of fear, Mom. It’s something else completely.”
“Are you sure?”
“I am. And I don’t want you to think that recent life changes pushed any of the decisions I’m making,” I said, hoping she’d understand I meant Uan’s moving in with her.
Her hand covered mine.
“You’re too smart to let my choices bully you.”
I kissed her cheek then hugged her.
“I love you, Mom.”
“I love you, too.”
I pulled back and looked at her. Really looked at her. Her hair was clean, which meant someone had helped her with the shower or into a bath. And she looked happy. I glanced back at Uan, who was watching us closely. He had that possessive glint in his eye any time he looked at Mom.
“Thank you for taking care of her.”
“I will always care for her,” he said.
“Can we eat yet?” Zach called from the kitchen.
I grinned and straightened, following Mom into the room that smelled like a burger joint. I nearly drooled when I saw the stack of grilled patties in the center of the table.
“Real ground beef. Butter toasted buns, too,” Zach said. “Garrett and I found the grilling stuff at his place after we ran supplies over today. You should see the shed. It’s overflowing even after delivering stuff to all the houses here.”
“That’s great,” I said, sitting. I helped myself to a burger and loaded it with grilled onions, pickles, and ketchup. “Sorry I wasn’t there to help.”
“There wasn’t any need. Since it was local, we just needed a few of us in the trailer to sort some supplies for Tenacity’s new people and send the rest home. It didn’t take too long.”