Place 6 eggs in the stock pot. Cover with cool tap water to an inch or two above the highest egg.
Place on stove and bring to a boil. Cover with lid and reduce heat to medium high.
Let boil, covered, for 7 minutes.
While they’re boiling, fill a large mixing bowl a third of the way with water. Add ice to fill two thirds full.
At the 7-minute mark, turn off the stove and remove the pot.
Using a slotted spoon, transfer the eggs to the ice water. Let them sit in the cold water for 2-3 minutes. This will stop them from overcooking.
At the 3-minute mark, peel the 6 eggs. Slice eggs lengthwise and remove the yolks from each egg half.
Place the 12 yolk halves in the small bowl.
Using your fork, mash the egg yolks with 2 tablespoons of Hellman’s mayonnaise, 1-1/2 teaspoons of Dijon mustard, 1/2 a teaspoon of paprika, 1 teaspoon of pickle relish, and 1/2 a teaspoon of lemon juice.
After mixing it and fluffing it to perfection, spoon equal portions into the egg halves.
Top with bacon crumbles (about 4-6 pieces per egg).
I don’t need to tell you what to do with these.
Bacon makes everything better, huh?
Enjoy.
SKILLET FRIED BRUSSEL SPROUTS WITH BACON
DIFFICULTY: Stop. Asking.
TIME: 22 minutes.
What you’ll need from the cupboard: A large skillet with lid. A sharp knife. A large spoon. A rubber spatula. Kitchen scissors. A BIG plate or platter. A cutting board.
What you’ll need from the pantry: A pound of bacon. Olive oil. Balsamic glaze (recipe below). A pound of fresh Brussel Sprouts. A yellow onion. 3-4 gloves of garlic. A stick of salted butter. Salt. Pepper.
I don’t give a shit if you like Brussel sprouts or hate them, you need to cook this recipe before you make your final judgement.
It will change your mind forever. Four years ago, I wouldn’t have eaten a Brussel sprout. Now, I can’t wait to fix them.
What changed my mind?
A local restaurant, named Jimmy P’s. It’s an award-winning steakhouse in Naples, Florida. It’s so good that the owner of Peter Luger’s Steakhouse in Brooklyn comes in there to eat.
Jess and I went there the first time (we’re foodies and like to try anything anywhere).
The waiter, Matt, recommended Brussel sprouts as a side for the steak.
I gave him a dirty look.
He asked if I didn’t like them.
I said, “That’s an understatement.”
“Eat ours,” he said with a prideful grin. “If you don’t like them, I won’t make you pay for them.”
Paying for them wasn’t an issue. Enough to feed a starving family was five bucks (Jimmy P’s sides are HUGE).
With some reluctance, I agreed. “Fine, bring me the fucking sprouts.”
The rest, as they say, is history. Matt now knows to bring them without asking. Yeah, they’re that good.
Let’s get started.
A pound of Brussel sprouts will easily feed 4-6 normal people. Jess and I eat more vegetables than most, so a pound lasts us about 5 minutes. Feel free to reduce the order by half if only serving 3-4, or if serving as a small side dish.
If you don’t have a balsamic reduction or glaze, you’ll need one. If you don’t have the ability to make one, these Brussel sprouts are great without it (I ALWAYS have balsamic reduction, but don’t always choose to use it on this recipe).
I suggest you try it.
If you have it, fine. If not, it’s easy.
BALSAMIC REDUCTION (GLAZE)
Place your little saucepan on the burner and turn to medium.
Heat 2 tablespoons of brown sugar with one cup of balsamic vinegar until reduced to half, stirring to prevent burning.
That’s it.
Hahaha.
Now, on to the Brussel sprouts…
Wash the Brussel sprouts. Pat them half-assed dry.
Mash the 4 cloves of garlic and chop fine.
Slice the onion in half. Peel the shitty skin away from one half and set the other half aside. Take the prepped half and chop it, but not near as finely as you did the garlic.
Set both aside.
Slice each Brussel sprout in two, lengthwise (through the stem, toward the head). If they’re big, slice them in quarters (often the fresh organic ones from Sprout’s Market are monstrous).
Set the halved sprouts aside.
Cut all of the bacon into pieces between 1” and 1-1/2” long.
Transfer it in the skillet all at once. Set heat to slightly higher than medium. When the bacon begins to cook, it’ll make enough grease that the meat will start to deep fry.
Yes, deep fried bacon that’s cooked in bacon grease. Fucking YUM.
Stir it to ensure all pieces get cooked, and remove when it’s cooked, but not well done. We don’t want that crunchiness in this recipe. It’s also going to cook a little more, later. Just a little.
Transfer the bacon to a paper towel lined plate.
Don’t even think about dumping the bacon grease out. In fact, add the stick of butter to it. Turn the heat to medium high (if it isn’t already). As soon as the butter’s melted, toss in all the halved Brussel sprouts.
Salt and pepper liberally.
Stir.
Salt and pepper liberally. Add the chopped onion only.
Stir again.
One more time (stir, but no more salt and pepper).
You want to make sure all the Brussel sprouts get coated in the butter and bacon grease. It’s the bacon grease that gives them such flavor. The butter is, well, butter. Butter is like bacon. It’s good on everything.
Turn the heat to one click below high (between medium high and high). Put the lid on and cook for about 4 minutes (without stirring).
Remove the lid. Stir with the intention of moving the cooked sprouts from the bottom to the top, and the top ones to the bottom. Don’t worry if they’re mixed up a little, it’ll all work out.
Set the lid aside (off the pot).
Cook for another 4 minutes.
Add all the garlic.
Stir.
Cook for another minute.
Reduce heat to medium.
Add the bacon.
Stir.
Cook for 2 more minutes, stirring all the while.
Transfer to a platter and spread them in a layer roughly one sprout deep. I realize that might not be possible (one deep throughout the platter) but it’ll be fine if they’re 2 deep in places.
Drizzle the entire pile with balsamic reduction sauce. Drizzle, not drench.
Leave the excess reduction sauce in a bowl beside the sprouts so anyone who wants more can get it. I like enough on my plate to dip them in, personally.
This dish goes really well with steak, burgers, pork, or just about anything.
Some days, I’ll cook these for lunch and eat them all by themselves.
All I hope is this:
I convert some non-believer into a Brussel sprout lover. Furthermore, I hope that person is YOU.
Enjoy.
CABBAGE AND BACON
DIFFICULTY: Hard as fuck, but accept the challenge.
TIME: 14 minutes.
What you’ll need from the cupboard: A large skillet with lid. A big fucking spoon. A sharp knife. A plate. Kitchen scissors. A plate.
What you’ll need from the pantry: A pound of thick cut bacon. A yellow onion (dried onions work fine, too). Salt. Pepper. More pepper. Garlic powder. A head of cabbage. Apple cider vinegar. Olive oil.