1
I inhaled deeply, sucking in a big lungful of grimy London air as I finally squeezed myself out of the rowdy, celebratory throng who were now linking arms with each other and making up random words to ‘Auld Lang Syne’. The air was sharply cold and dry and I shivered as it cooled me from both outside and within. Slumping down on to a garden bench, I let out a breath in a long, slow release, watching it cool and cloud in front of me. It was over.
‘Fancy starting the new year off with a bang?’ My questioner let out a braying laugh, amused by his own clever repartee before punctuating the question with a loud belch.
I looked up at the man, his tie askew, expensive suit quite possibly ruined by whatever that was he’d spilt down it, and tilted my chin up.
‘That would absolutely, most definitely, be a no.’
I stood and walked past him back into the party, found my coat and left, closing the door behind me. Thank god. The Year of Saying Yes was finally over.
Admittedly, on paper, it had seemed like a good idea. Jess, my best friend, certainly seemed to think so. After seven years with the man I had assumed I would one day marry, we’d both realised that that would, in reality, probably be a very bad idea. It wasn’t that we didn’t care for each other any more, but something had changed. Neither of us could put our finger on what, or when, but there was no denying it had happened. Being together had turned into more of a habit than a passion and that was not a strong enough foundation to build a marriage on.
Of course, just because we both felt the same way, and there hadn’t been any dramatic bust-up or throwing of dishes, didn’t mean it wasn’t sad. We’d had dreams and plans and realising that those hadn’t come to fruition, and now never would, was still heartbreaking.
Jess had tried to encourage me to get out and meet new people, but I was in no mood for company. I’d had to say goodbye to something that had been a big part of my life and I needed time to grieve. Once again, I’d been thankful for my job as an online virtual assistant. I still did all the tasks I’d done before when employed as a Personal Assistant to an Executive – skills I’d honed over the years and was good at. But striking out on my own and going ‘virtual’ had been the best thing I could have done. The thought of having to go into an office, with everyone knowing your business, and gossiping about it behind your back, still made me shiver. But for the last couple of years I hadn’t had to deal with any of that office-politics rubbish and I couldn’t have been happier about it. Also, I got to wear pyjamas to work. I mean, if that isn’t a major perk, I don’t know what is.
Setting up my own business had been a bit scary, of course, but I’d started small and on my own time, working in an office in the day and on my own company in the evenings and weekends. It was exhausting at times, but I kept my goal in sight and that magical day when I was able to hand in my notice and hang up my suits was utter bliss. Life was good! And then it wasn’t.
Jess had let me mope for a couple of weeks and then got bored. Which sums Jess up. Her attention span is not the longest, but it’s a quirk that makes her fun and spontaneous and I wouldn’t change her for anything.
‘OK,’ she’d begun with a mouthful of the spaghetti carbonara I’d cooked for us both one Friday night a little while after I’d moved into my own flat, and my newly single life. ‘Time to move on. God, that’s so good. You need to give me the recipe.’
‘You don’t cook anything, apart from cakes.’
‘I might start one day.’
I couldn’t argue with that, so I nodded and hoped the carbonara had been enough to distract her from whatever it was she’d been planning on saying. It wasn’t. I was good, but not that good.
‘Agreed?’
‘Huh?’
‘That it’s time to move on.’
‘I’m not stuck.’
‘You kind of are.’
‘No, I’m just… here. And I’m OK with that. I’m not mooning over Tom and what might have been. I’m fine, really.’
Despite what Jess thought, I truly was content with my current situation.
‘You’re bored.’
‘No, I’m not.’
‘OK. Let me put it another way. You’re being boring.’
‘Thanks.’
‘It’s said with love!’ She grinned at me as she forked up some more dinner.
My mouth full, I responded by arching an eyebrow.
‘I know what!’ Jess said, her fork suddenly clattering against the side of the pasta bowl. ‘Oh my god, this is totally brilliant!’
I had my reservations and I hadn’t even heard the idea yet. I had, however, known my friend a very long time, so against my better judgement I let her continue.
‘I’ve had nothing but bad dates this year, and you’re suddenly single after, like, forever.’
‘Not exactly forever.’
She waved a perfectly manicured hand at me, dismissing my protest. ‘So, next year – basically in two weeks’ time, on the first of January, we begin the year that’s going to change our lives!’
I gave a mental eye roll. ‘Change our lives?’ I asked, not too worried. Jess had gone to drama school and although she ran a PR firm now, the training, and her natural inclination towards the dramatic, had never disappeared.
‘Yes! Next year is going to be The Year of Saying Yes!’ She threw her hands out and her head back like she’d just finished a West End show and was, apparently, waiting for the applause to begin.
I chased the last of the spaghetti around my bowl instead.
‘Well?’ Jess asked, looking slightly annoyed.
‘Well, what?’
‘What do you think about my plan?’
‘Go for it, if you want. Sounds like something you’d enjoy.’
‘It’s a joint plan. For me. And you.’
It definitely didn’t sound like something I’d enjoy. Quite the opposite in fact. I enjoyed the quiet life. I worked in my pyjamas for goodness’ sake, and it suited me perfectly. The Year of Saying Yes, I knew, would not.
‘Oh. I’m not sure it’s something I’m ready to embark on just yet. But you should totally go for it.’ I hoped that encouraging Jess to pursue her latest idea would distract her from remembering that I was supposed to be a part of it. It was a tactic I had employed in the past on several occasions to good effect. Unfortunately, she seemed to have cottoned on.
‘Oh no, you don’t! Not this time! This is something we’re doing together!’
‘Jess. I really don’t want to.’
‘That’s because you’ve forgotten how to have fun!’
‘I have not! I just have a different concept of what’s fun than you do! Bars and dating apps are not my idea of fun. You know that.’
‘I didn’t say it was only going to be bars and dating apps.’
Which clearly meant they were definitely still included. This was not good.
‘Look,’ Jess said, calming down a little and taking my hand. ‘You’ve had a rough time, and you were in the same relationship for a long while. Let’s take the opportunity to do some fun things together. It’s not necessarily about meeting someone else. It’s more about adventure, getting out there, grabbing hold of life and saying “OK, show me what you’ve got!”’