I open my mouth to respond but Nathan cuts me off. “Stop talking to her.”
“I’ll talk to whoever I choose. Just because we fucked doesn’t mean you hold any kind of authority over me.”
Nathan closes his eyes briefly and lets out a breath.
I hold up a chicken wing in front of Nathan. “Want some?”
“In a second.” His hand goes to my wrist and slowly lowers it back to the table. “Are you finished?”
“Definitely,” Diane spits and turns on her heel. “You weren’t that good anyway.” Then she looks at me. “Good luck having a life without oral.”
Then she leaves and I can’t hold it back. I laugh and laugh and laugh. I laugh harder than I have in ages and, for once, I don’t feel guilty about it. “A life without oral, huh?”
“Shut up,” he bites out.
“I’m going to have to divorce you for that reason alone,” I choke through my laughter and slide down my seat a little.
He shakes his head but I see his lips stretch into a smile. “It isn’t amusing in the slightest.”
“Oh, it totally is,” I gasp and continue laughing. “Best lunch date ever.”
“I’m almost certain I don’t like you anymore,” he adds but his body starts to shake beside mine. “Stop laughing, it’s contagious.”
I finally calm, a smile still on my face. “You’re adorable, Nathan.”
He rolls his eyes. “Just what every man wants to hear. Eat your wings.”
“Want one?”
“No thank you,” he says after a moment’s deliberation. We eat silently. I occasionally tempt him with the wings that I’ve been craving lately as I eat my own food. I’m shocked when he suddenly blurts, “If she hated it that much, why would she tell me to call her?”
“In front of your pregnant wife,” I add and start laughing again.
He chuckles for a while before sobering. “Well you could have been. That female has no manners.”
“Who was she?”
He shrugs and turns towards me. “Just some girl I dated half a year ago.”
“How many dates?”
“One,” he admits. “I think.”
“You’re disgusting,” I giggle and finish off my last bite of food.
“No worse than Caleb.” He immediately regrets his words. I see this but it does nothing to ease the sharp pain that slices into my heart. His face drops and his hands come to my face. “I’m sorry, I was just kidding. I didn’t…”
“It’s fine,” I cut him off and lower my face so he doesn’t see the tears there. “We should be able to talk about him. We can’t keep pretending like he never existed.”
His eyes scan my face and his tongue trails across his lower lip. “Dessert?”
“I’ll pass,” I respond and push my almost empty plate away. “I’m stuffed.”
“Me too. Let’s go.”
I wait for him to slide out before I join him. He holds out his hand and I immediately give him my wrist.
Wait… “Who’s Tracy?”
“Sorry?” He looks at me, a confused expression on his face.
“The Diane person, she said Tracy told her you were here. Who’s Tracy?”
He thinks on it for a moment, his gloved fingers scratching at his neck.
I laugh a little again. “You don’t know, do you?”
“Nope.”
“Your memory is worse than mine.”
“I only remember people and things that I care to remember.” His eyes land on me and I can’t help but feel like he’s trying to tell me something with them. They glaze over as a memory comes to his mind. I wonder what it is but I don’t ask. That’s something I won’t prod for. His thoughts are his own. “Let’s go have that wander around the city I promised you but never came through on.”
“I’d like that.” I smile softly at him.
Chapter Sixteen
“I think my friends Tommy and Sasha want to come and visit soon. During the holidays, maybe.” I run my fingers over the teddy bears in Toy World. “Would that be a problem?”
“For the day?”
“For the day and night.” I pick up a giraffe teddy and place it in the basket that Nathan is carrying.
“I don’t see why it should be a problem; we have the space. As long as it’s for just one night. I’m still getting used to having you around.”
I pick up a strange rattle with a plastic pocket full of water. Nathan takes it from me and puts it back on the shelf. It’s then I notice that the giraffe has gone as well. “Seriously?”
“They’re choking hazards.”
“They’re teethers and teddies, you control freak.” Eye roll. “And thank you, I’ll let them know. It’ll be nice to see them. I owe them after all they did after Caleb died.”
He places his arm around my shoulders. “I can’t imagine what you went through, being the one to find him.”
“I didn’t find him,” I bite out, willing myself to say the words. “He died in my arms. I was sprawled across his chest like I usually was when I woke up. That’s not finding him. If I’d found him it would have been a lot harder.”
“What do you mean?”
“His last moments were with me and our baby, comfortable in bed. If I was to die, I’d want it to be just like that, holding the man I love whilst peacefully sleeping.”
He picks up the giraffe and places it in the basket. I almost smile at his attempt to cheer me up. It was subtle but it was still an attempt and I’m grateful for that. “Do you ever think you’ll fall in love again?”
Wow. “No. I can’t give away a part of me that he took with him.”
“Maybe one day.” His head is ducked down, looking at some kind of kids’ bath toy, so I can’t see his face to get a grasp on why he’s asking me these questions. Maybe he’s worried I’ll betray his brother before his ashes have a chance to cool.
“I promised him I’d never leave him…”
This time his head whips up. “You promised him that?”
“Yes.”
“I’m pretty sure that promise became invalid when he passed, Gwen.”
I shrug. “It’s still valid to me.”
He blinks, his face set with a frown. “Let’s go, this place smells of sweat and children.”
“I know, right? It’s a relief from the usual scent of bleach at home,” I joke.
“You’ll get used to it.”
“Funnily enough, Jeanine said that when I first arrived.”
******
We stay in the same hotel as the last time we visited the city. He must have made reservations before we came because they handed him two keys and we came straight to it. We eat and shower, the latter being at separate times obviously. I make his bed on the couch as he showers and climb into the super soft king size. I feel only slightly guilty for taking his bed, but then I get over it as I sink into the mattress and groan with delight.