My eyes close and this time I fall asleep before he exits the bathroom.
“Guinevere?” He calls quietly as I drift into the realm between sleep and waking. His footsteps get closer. “Gwen?”
I’m shocked when the bed dips right beside me but I manage to keep my face relaxed. I’m not sure why I don’t look at him; my curiosity has always been a flaw. Right now I’m curious as to what he wants, but for some reason I know I won’t get the true answer if I’m awake.
“Gwen?” His voice is hushed and a lot closer than a moment ago. His heat sinks through the thick quilt and into me, making my stomach flutter. I feel the smooth leather that covers his fingertips trail up my arm from the dip of my elbow to my inner wrist. My arm tingles and tiny bumps break out over the skin he touches.
He leans forward and this time my breath does hitch. His face gets closer to mine. I can feel his mint scented breath fan across my cheek. My heart races faster than it was and I wonder if he can hear it.
My thoughts are a jumbled mess.
My entire world stops when I feel his nose on mine. It trails gently up to the bridge before slowly moving back down. A barely there touch but I feel it. I feel it everywhere.
I can’t handle it. This shouldn’t be happening and I don’t know why it is. His hand comes up and slides between my cheek and the pillow. He lifts my face ever so slightly, his nose now against the side of mine.
“Gwen?” He whispers, his voice sounding pained.
What’s he doing?
Panic overcomes me when I feel his top lip breeze across mine.
His own breath speeds up as I feel his bottom lip touch mine.
“Don’t,” I beg, my eyes burning and now open.
His eyes widen a fraction as they stare intently into mine. My hand comes up and takes a hold of his wrist and, as I slowly push myself into sitting position, I move his wrist away.
“What are you doing?” I hiss, keeping my voice low.
After tugging his wrist free he stands and turns around. “Go back to sleep.”
“Nathan…”
“Don’t,” he begs and walks to the bag by the couch.
Now I feel like shit. “Nathan. Please…”
“I said don’t,” he bites out and I watch him pull on his jeans under his robe. The sound of metal clanging against metal lets me know he’s doing up his belt.
With cautious movements I make my way out of bed and softly pad over to him. I’m not sure what I’m going to do, all I know is I don’t want him to feel like this. I’m not sure what I did to make him feel like this in the first place.
What was he thinking? Christ I’m so angry right now, but he doesn’t need me shouting at him. Our wires must have gotten crossed somewhere along the way. The best thing I can do right now is to just try and understand him.
“Nathan,” I try again and place my hand on his shoulder. The soft gown stops me from feeling his skin but I can still feel the heat seep through. “I don’t understand.”
“You wouldn’t,” he grits out, his tone clearly saying this is my fault and he’s going to hold it against me.
I step forward and slide my arms around his waist, pressing my forehead between his shoulder blades. “I’m sorry. Please don’t fall out with me again.”
He lets out a long breath and grips my wrists tightly with both hands. Turning slowly in my arms, he brings his arms around me and rests his chin on top of my head while squeezing tight.
Suddenly I’m airborne and letting out a choked cry as he bends and lifts me into his arms. He carries me to the bed and slowly lowers me onto it. “Go to sleep,” he whispers and presses his lips to my forehead.
“Are we okay?”
He doesn’t respond, he only moves away from the bed. Five minutes later I hear the door close.
Someone shakes my arm. No. I want to sleep. “Up, breakfast is ready.”
“I don’t care,” I grumble and pull the blanket over my head, smiling to myself.
“Come on.” He says and tries to pull the blanket away.
“No. You eat it.”
He chuckles. How I’ve missed that throaty laugh. “I’ll just come in there with you and then neither of us will eat the breakfast I made. Just for you.”
“Go away, Caleb.” I whine and feel him slip into the bed behind me. “You probably only made cereal anyway.”
He scoffs, feigning offence. “I did not.”
“Toast then.”
“Damn it, you know me too well.” He runs his lips over the curve of my neck, his hand resting against my moving stomach. “I miss this.”
“Me too,” I say quietly and turn to face him. His light brown eyes shine in the dark, bringing tears to mine. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Gwenny.” He wraps his arms tight around me, his cheek pressing against mine. I love the feel of his breath against my ear; it makes my body tingle in the most delicious way. “You’re perfect the way you are. Don’t ever change. Never leave me. Never. I know it’s selfish but I…”
My heart starts hammering as Caleb’s healthy face distorts for a moment and suddenly I’m staring into the eyes of a sick man.
“I’ll never leave you,” I promise. “Just do me the same. Don’t leave me.”
“I love you,” he says, his eyes filling with tears. They fall as he presses his mouth to mine. “So much.”
“Then why’d you leave me?”
“I almost forgot.” He smiles and slides down my body. I feel his lips press against my protruding stomach. “Love you, baby Weston.”
“Caleb.” I reach down to haul him back up to me. My hands find nothing but air. “Caleb!” I try to sit up but something’s weighing me down. No, I want to go with him. Let me go with him!
My body jolts, zapping an electric current all through my legs and heart. I sit bolt upright, facing a dark room with sweat beading on my forehead. The space in bed beside me is empty and my grief returns tenfold. I feel like I’ve just lost him all over again.
Nathan sleeps peacefully on the couch as it’s still dark out. I don’t want to wake him but I can’t stay in this bed, so I climb out and pad over to the bathroom to splash some water on my face. It does little to refresh me.
I sit on the closed toilet and rest my head in my hands, my hair falling around me in black curtains, shutting the world out and locking the pain in. Tears pool in my eyes and when I blink the first tear falls and then another. They sting my cool face. Another reminder that I’m a lonely mess with serious issues. My grief outweighs any of the good I’ve felt over the past couple of months, although that’s not saying much seeing as I’ve hardly felt any good.
The door handle is pulled down and the door clicks open. “Gwen?” Nathan says and I feel him squat before me. His hands go to my wrists and I’m blinded by light as he pulls my hands away from my face. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I inhale a deep breath, willing my emotions to settle. “I just need a minute.”
“Is this because of earlier?” He looks pained. “Because I am very sorry for…”