Students were already rushing from the auditorium when I finally started to gather up my things.
“Wow. That was harsh,” Michelle said, finally.
Again, my breath left my lungs as I admitted my own defeat. “Yeah. He got me good.”
“Again,” Michelle grinned, trying to joke. She shoved my shoulder.
“Haha,” I lamented. “This isn’t funny, Michelle. He’s mad.” I closed my laptop and looked up at the stage. He was standing there, looking at me, his eyes burning into me. So much for hoping he wouldn’t see us sneak in late. “Oh, God,” I said. “He just saw me.”
“If you think he didn’t see you before, you’re crazy. He knew where we were sitting, Addy.” My friend scooted to the edge of her seat as she waited for me to finish stashing things in my book-bag. “Go apologize and take your lumps. If it was as amazing as you say it was, I’m sure he’ll forgive you.”
“He’s not some average man who goes comatose after an orgasm, Michelle.” I stood and slung the bag over my shoulder. “He could have anyone.”
I knew I looked like crap. I barely slept all weekend and so once I finally fell asleep the night before, I slept hard and hadn’t heard the alarm on my phone.
“Well, look at it this way; at least you got to be with him once. No matter what happens.”
I looked again and Jax was gone, leaving his T.A., Luke to gather his things.
I had the next period free. It wasn’t Jaxon’s office hours, but I’d planned to stop by his office and talk to him. After the way he’d looked at me, I felt like a lamb being led to the slaughter. My instincts told me to run again, and just keep to myself and get through the class, but my heart demanded I face him.
I squinted in the sun. It was getting colder outside, but the sky was clear. I shivered despite my wool coat. I reached into the front pocket of my bag and pulled out my sunglasses, shoving them unceremoniously onto my face.
“Listen, I have Danson’s class. I gotta go. See you, later?” Michelle asked. “You can tell me what happens.”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
She put her hand on my arm. “It’s gonna be okay, Addy.”
“One way or the other,” I said, without optimism.
“Just hold your head high and be honest. I bet he’ll understand.”
She was right. There was nothing I could do beyond offering an explanation as to why I ran away, though I worried that in doing so I’d expose too much. I didn’t want to come across as some airhead who couldn’t handle herself, and the last thing a sophisticated and experienced man wanted to hear was that I’d freaked out after amazing sex. I sucked in a deep breath. “Thanks,” I said, as she left me. I turned toward Philosophy Hall, where the comparative literature faculty offices were located. It was only one block in two directions and the walk would be short. There was a brisk wind blowing in my face, my hair whipping madly around, as I made my way North, and then West. My feet felt like lead, but I tried to hurry. I didn’t want to miss him because all that would get me was more sleepless nights and hours or days of worry. “Ugh,’ I moaned as I walked up the few stairs to the entrance of the building. Could anything feel worse?
I pushed through the doors and into the hallway, trying to use my fingers to comb through my hair. Many of the faculty offices were on the upper floors, but Jaxon’s was on the first level, not far from the administrative offices. The familiar smell of the old building hit me as I got my bearings. The last time I was in his office, it was exciting and titillating; I’d felt hopeful. Not like now. I just prayed he’d be alone.
I was about to knock when the door opened suddenly and the younger man I recognized as Jaxon’s T.A. came through it in a rush. He bumped into me, causing me to stumble backward and the stack of test booklets he was holding to scatter out on the old granite floor.
“Oh, I’m sorry!” I exclaimed.
He was cute with a mop of longish blond hair falling over his brow as we both bent to pick up the booklets. “I should have been looking where I was going.” He glanced up and offered a brilliant smile. He didn’t seem upset that he was now on his haunches gathering up the pile of books.
“It’s completely my fault. Your Luke, right?”
“Yes. Are you here to see Dr. Michaels?” he asked, picking up the last few.
“Yes. Is he in?”
“He is, but he’s crabby today.” He smiled again as I piled the test booklets I’d gathered up on top of his and we both stood. “What’s your name?” Luke asked.
“Oh! Sorry. Addy Tomms.”
His eyebrows shot up and he nodded knowingly. “Oh, you’re Addison Tomms. Professor has mentioned how talented you are. I guess you’re the star pupil this semester!”
My back stiffened. Star pupil this semester? “Really? Awesome.” My voice lost some of its enthusiasm.
“Luke! Shut the damn door all the way! Don’t leave it hanging open, for Christ’s sake.” Jax’s voice thundered from inside and vibrated off of the hallway walls.
“I told you; crabby,” He said in a half-whisper. He wore a wry expression, using his thumb to point toward the office. “Are you sure you want to go in there?”
“I’ll take my chances,” I said with a nod.
“Listen, if you ever need help with an assignment; anything… just give me a call. My number is right here.” He juggled the pile of tests in his arms but managed to point toward the bulletin board on the wall to the left of Jaxon’s office door. “Anything, really.” He smiled again and I couldn’t help smiling back. It was nice to have someone make you feel attractive when you looked like crap, and you were about to go beg forgiveness from a pissed-off lover.
“Okay, thanks. Bye, Luke.” I held up a hand as he backed up a few feet, finally turning to walk down the hall.
This was it. I took a deep breath to center myself and tapped gently on the glass. “Luke, if that’s you, we can talk about the schedule next week.”
I opened the door slowly and just enough to pop my head around the edge of it. “No, it’s me.”
He was standing up behind the desk rummaging around in the drawers looking for something, but his head snapped up when he heard my softly spoken words. His tie had been removed and lay in a pool of colorful silk on his desk, and the top two buttons of his dark purple shirt had been undone; his hair was ruffled like he’d just ran his hand through it. His expression changed as it dawned on him that I was actually standing in front of him, and he put both hands on his hips and paused.
“I didn’t think you’d have the guts to come over here,” he accused, his brow falling into a frown. “Not after you bolted away like a scared rabbit.”
I hovered in the half-open door. My heart started beating faster just being across the room from him.
“Are you coming in or not?” he scowled. “Get in here!”
I nodded and opened the door enough to walk through and then closed it quietly behind me.
He turned and opened his briefcase, then tossed my purse on his desk. “Is this what you’re here for? There it is.”
I wasn’t sure how to classify the emotion that flitted across his features before it was quickly hidden behind a stone-cold mask. He was hurt, and that hurt me.