I knew how she felt. If anything, the physical moments between us had always been honest, and I needed what was about to happen. My hand pushed the top of my boxer briefs down below my balls and my cock sprung free. I still had on my pants and my open shirt and Addison lay there, her breasts exposed, her skirt still bunched around her waist, high heels still on. It was sexy as fuck.
I couldn’t wait one more second to be buried deep inside her. I knew she’d be wet and ready. I could see desire all over her. I could smell it, and I had to have it.
The next thing I knew, my fingers were closing around the damp crotch of the delicate panties and I was ripping them free from her body.
Addison’s full lips formed a little surprised “oh”, but she didn’t make sound.
I threw the offending garment aside and used pushed her knees up, and using my hand, I guided my cock to her entrance. I slid the head around in the dampness for a second before I pushed in and fell on top of her. Her knees clung to my hips, and her hands scrapped down my back over my shirt as I thrust into her hard until I was buried balls deep.
Don’t kiss her, just fuck, I told myself, but something inside me broke. I dropped my forehead and pressed it to the side of her head, eyes closed as I fought my private demons. I could feel her breath on the skin of my neck and her mouth found purchase in a series of open-mouthed kisses. It was heaven; and fucking torture.
I fell down onto my elbows bring us closer. Skin on skin, our hips started working together. Her walls were tight, sucking on my dick as she clenched and released. I was getting close already. Her hands were now beneath my shirt, roaming over my chest, and my back, then over my shoulder and to my jaw. Her lifted and opened, begging for my mouth to take hers.
“Jax, kiss me.”
I met her sparkling blue green eyes, and my heart exploded. My hands cupped her head and my hips thrust forward so hard she jerked on the bed. “Is this what you want?” I pulled out and pushed in hard again, and again.
“Mmmmm,” she said, with a soft moan. “I want you. Jax, kiss me. Kiss me,” Addison begged.
Her fingers dug into the skin and muscles of my back, as I fucked her hard. If I kissed her, I knew it would morph into love. I didn’t know if my heart could take it, but I wanted it.
She captured my lower lip in between both of hers, gently sucking it into her mouth. She knew that drove me crazy, and even as I tried hard not to come, I finally gave in.
My mouth took hers brutally, my tongue pushing into her mouth. I wanted it to be harsh, but it was greedy and arousing and beautiful. I was conscious of every breath, every time her hips met mine in eager, hungry abandon. I wanted to use her up, to devour her body and soul so I wouldn’t need her anymore.
Her breathing quickened and her hands tangled in my hair, pulling our mouths closer as we waged our physical war. I knew she was ready to come. I could feel it in the way her hips moved faster and the way she was squeezing around my dick. My balls tightened and I increased the speed of my thrusts. The pleasure we were wringing from each other, couldn’t overcome the pain I was feeling.
I cupped her head with both hands and kissed her with all I had as her body arched and I exploded inside her.
I kissed her softly as our bodies came down, my body still pushing in smaller thrusts into hers. I jerked, remembering that I didn’t want to be tender. I stopped, abruptly pulling my mouth and body from hers and getting off of the bed.
I didn’t bother going to the bathroom to wash the sex from my body. Instead, I put my dick away, and buttoned my shirt, shoving it into the waistband of my pants before I quickly zipped and buckled my pants. Oddly, I still had my shoes on, and I looked for my jacket. Averting my gaze from the stunned young woman on the big bed as I found the discarded jacket of my three-thousand-dollar suit on the floor near the foot of the bed.
“Jax?” she asked perplexed. Her voice cracked. She knew what I was doing. I didn’t say a word.
“I can’t deny the thing between us, Addison. Even I have my weak moments.” I felt defensive. For the first time in my life, I felt the need to guard my heart. It was unfamiliar. My automatic response to the vulnerability I felt was to harden my demeanor.
“So, that’s it? We’re just over? You’re going to leave me here?” I could hear the tears in her voice. If I let myself, I could give in, but that wouldn’t fix the lack of trust.
I forced a bitter laugh as I donned the jacket, casually adjusting the collar and cuffs of my shirt underneath as if I was unmoved. I finally found the strength to look at her. She was disheveled, but she’d scooted to the edge of the bed. Her skirt was pulled down, and she held the edges of her torn white blouse together over her half bare breasts. Tears flooded her eyes and her face was flushed in humiliation.
I opened my wallet and retrieved a business card of the car service I used. “No. Call this number and they’ll pick you up whenever you want. You have the room until tomorrow. Maybe you can call your boyfriend, Luke, to partake of the luxury” I spat coldly, knowing how dickish I sounded. “My treat.”
Her eyes widened in surprise then narrowed with hatred, and the tears finally tumbling down her cheeks. She didn’t bother to wipe at them. “I didn’t think you could do this to me.”
I hated to see her so vulnerable. At least, in this way. It went against everything I wanted to walk away from her, but she didn’t trust me. My brain was screaming the truth at my heart. “That’s the thing, Addison. I didn’t do it to you. You did it to me. We had something great going, and you ruined it.” Despite my outward coldness, inside, I was struggling.
I started to walk to the door and Addison broke; a sob bursting from her. “Jax, don’t do this. Please!”
I stopped with my hand on the door, turning my head back but not all the way. “We can work the book shit out through Jefferson, but I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me.”
With that I turned the nob and walked out.
The hallway of the elegant hotel loomed grotesquely in front of me. I felt sick inside at how I’d just treated her, after all, just a few days ago, she’d been the one I wanted to build my future around; I’d been planning how I was going to ask her to marry me. But now…. all I knew was that I needed time and space to survive.
26
There was a hole in my chest where my heart used to live. The feeling of loss was overwhelming. I’d never felt pain like this. It was like I was dying, only if I died, the hurt would stop, but this would go on forever. I knew for sure I’d never get over Jaxon Michaels. My brain flashed with memories of his intense, sleepy, love-drunk eyes, his passionate kiss that owned me, his incredible mind; the way he could be demanding and tender at the same time. He was beautiful in so many ways, and he’d touched me like no one ever would again.
I’d remained in the hotel room crying on the bed for hours, lamenting the hopelessness and despair I felt. I could have stayed the night to get myself together, but I couldn’t bear to sleep in the bed where I’d last been with Jax. I knew he didn’t want it to be tender, but toward the end of it, I felt him come back to me. Until he realized.
When I left to go home, it was dark outside, but I didn’t bother looking at my phone to see what time it was. If I did, I’d have to see that Jax hadn’t called or texted, and my heart already knew he didn’t. My eyes were swollen, my head was pounding, and I knew I looked a mess. I felt like a hollow shell but welcomed the slight reprieve from the constant misery. It was a feeling I’d had for three or four days, now. They all blended together, and I’d lost count.