I didn’t call Jax’s car service for a ride home, opting instead for a cab that I’d flagged on the street outside the hotel. I wouldn’t give him the fucking satisfaction of being able to check when I arrived home or allow him relief from worry. Let him stew, I thought indignantly. I knew he would worry about me. He had to or what had the past few months been for?
Michelle had been waiting for me when I’d arrived home, but I waved away her questions, crawled into bed, without changing clothes and turned my back on her and cried some more.
“Oh, Addy,” was all she said. “I’m sorry.”
I wasn’t sure how long it was that I lay there suffering, my mind and heart tormenting me. There is this level of disbelief when you have a breakup that hurts this badly. You tell yourself it’s not really over. Convince yourself it’s a bad dream or happening to someone else, but then you wake up after a night of exhausted sleep which was the result of horrible crying, only to find yourself incredibly alone. It takes a beat until you remember the entire thing… then it starts all over again.
A week had passed. Every morning, I dragged myself from my bed and forced myself to go on living, telling myself I only had myself to blame. Jax was right. I should have trusted him more. I breathed in and out, I went to class but stayed away from my friends. There was no use putting them through my own misery and talking about it wouldn’t change a damn thing; Jax was lost to me and I had to face it, but I had to do what I could to save his career. I did stop into Jax’s office once and swallowed my pride enough to ask Luke if Jax was coming back to work. At first, Luke’s response was eager, but after he saw how heartbroken I was, after my refusal to speak about my relationship with Jax, he became more standoffish and awkward. That was last Friday and in the process of another weekend of being alone and introspective, with no contact from Jax. I spent all of my time in the library so I wouldn’t have to talk to Michelle, and I’d come to a couple of pretty big decisions.
I was surprised and hurt when he left the hotel room. In the time since then I was heartbroken. All I could think about was making love with him and how it was the last time he’d ever touch me. I’d replayed the entire thing over and over inside my mind. I’d felt his anguish in every thrust. I could still feel it. He was branded all over me. My heart, body, and soul would never recover. Not unless I could get him back, and to do that I had to convince him that my manuscript didn’t matter to me as much as he did.
It was a new Monday morning and the only thing I knew for sure was that I needed to convince that Marcia woman at S & S to keep my book and let it publish under Jax’s name as the contracts dictated. I couldn’t let him take the fall for my idiocy. He was angry, yes, but deep down I knew he was suffering as much as I was. Maybe it was just my heart begging for hope, but I had to hang on to it.
After I’d showered and dressed in jeans and casual top, I felt a little better because I had a sense of purpose. This might not work, and I might not win him back, but I had to try. It eased my pain a little just knowing I was making an effort.
I grabbed my phone and sat down at the small table. Jefferson had left me a message on Friday evening, but I’d only seen the message on Saturday. I brought up the message to call his office back.
“Michaels and Michaels,” a chipper female voice answered.
“May I speak to Jefferson Michaels, please? This is Addison Tomms.”
“Yes, ma’am. Let me see if he’s available. Can you hold for a minute, please?”
“Yes, thank you,” I answered
The hold time was just a couple of minutes, but it felt like longer. I was so anxious to speak to him and then figure out my next step with Simon & Schuster.
“Good morning, Addy,” Jeff’s deep voice came across the line.
“Hello. I apologize for not calling back on Friday, but I didn’t see the message until Saturday and your office was closed.”
“No worries. How have you been?” He sounded genuinely concerned.
“I’m doing okay. Just praying for this semester to be over.”
“Are you going anywhere for Thanksgiving?”
I hadn’t even thought about it. My mother had called the past week about my plans, but I was still too fragile to speak to her. My family, especially my mother, would be able to tell I was suffering, and I wasn’t up to sharing. I had planned on spending the holiday with Jax at his cabin, so I hadn’t made other plans. I didn’t want to tell my family about my change of schedule to avoid questions I didn’t want to answer. Michelle was taking a long weekend in Miami, and I was just grateful that I’d have some time to myself. “I think I may just stay in the city.”
I wanted desperately to ask about Jax but stopped myself.
“Well, the reason for my call was because I wanted to ask if I should draft a release letter for Bloom and Wandough? I’ve looked through the contract and unfortunately, the ghostwriter clause is in there. You only have to give written notice of thirty days, but the current deals will remain effective and they’d have to pay you the ghostwriting fee.”
I could feel myself flush. Even though I’d had a week to get used to the idea, I still couldn’t help berating myself for my stupidity. I didn’t even know what they’d be paying me for my manuscript. “Whatever you think is best. But… do we know what’s going to happen?”
Jeff sighed. “Unfortunately, we can’t prove Gloria forged Jax’s signature, so he is slated to publish. He’s furious, but I’ve advised him, and I would you as well, to let the book publish and move on.”
My heart sank. “What does Jax say?”
“I was hoping he’d speak to you about his decision himself. Jax is against it. He is willing to let the publisher sue him for cancelling the book and throw himself on the sword to get you out of it, but it won’t help your situation. The manuscript has already been sold by the agency while you are under contract, so if he doesn’t publish it, it’s within the publisher’s discretion to assign it to another author. I’ve advised him to let it go through. At least he’ll be able to control it and share the royalties with you.”
“What about Gloria? What happens to her? Will she get away with this? I wish I could scratch her eyes out.”
“I would advise you to just stay away from her. I’ve threatened her into signing a non-disclosure as have the principles of the agency. They’ve also fired Gloria. Jax contacted them directly, and they have agreed because they don’t want to lose him.”
“Is he considering staying with them?” I was surprised.
“His career is established, and he would have less damage to contend with if he doesn’t change agencies, so he may stay with them, but the contract will be very specific as to what they can do moving forward.”
“I see. What about me? What do you think should I do?” I felt like an idiot asking, but I had no idea how to navigate this and short of having Jax help me, Jefferson was the next best thing.
“I think we should ask them to release you from your contract because the current one has that clause in it. If you choose to stay with them, we’d get a new one written up without it.”
Depending on what happened between me and Jax, I couldn’t commit to being with the same agency. “Maybe they don’t want me,” I murmured. “Gloria only signed me because of Jax, anyway.”