“Jax doesn’t want to publish anything written by anyone else.”
“I’ve poured my heart and soul into that book for two years, and I can’t have it publish under anyone else. Please, Ms. Goldstein!”
She sat there and contemplated me for a minute, a small smile on her face. “You and Jax are quite a pair. He was willing to ruin his reputation, miss our deadline, and eat all of the production and promotion cost to push back his date so he could save your book…. For you. And here you are, you’re willing to sacrifice your book to save his reputation. It’s like a publishing gift of the Magi. I never thought I’d see the day that Jax would lose his heart. He writes these amazing romance novels that have women swooning, hell, he leaves women swooning… but he was the untouchable one.”
My eyes filled with tears at the mere thought it could be true. Could Jax love me? My throat tightened with emotion and I cleared it so I could speak. “Do you think he could be convinced to publish it? I couldn’t stand it if it published under anyone else. I’ll forgo the fee.”
Marcia sat tapping her chin with her elegant, gold pen. “It would be my choice to publish both books under both of you. Imagine the publicity lottery! Romance author falls in love with his brilliant student and together they pen not one, but two, amazing books”. She made quote signs with her free hand.
Tears stung at my eyes and I dabbed at them. “Can you do that?”
“Only if Jax agrees. So far, he’s refused. He said he wants you to have your breakout novel on your own. He said you deserve that, but personally, I think my suggestion is win win.”
I nodded. “He did say he was willing to take the hit, but I don’t want him too. He’s more important to me than the book. I can write more books.” My heart swelled, full of love for the magnificent man who was willing to sacrifice everything for me. “There’s only one Jaxon Michaels.”
“You can say that again,” Marcia agreed. She leaned forward on her desk. “Can you convince him to put his name on the cover with yours? If so, all I have to do is have my team change some press releases and the cover. The pub date could stay and none of this would be a problem. Tell him you’ll share his next book, as payback, and the royalties would be split between you.”
“He’s angry with me,” I admitted, sheepishly. “He thinks I didn’t trust him.”
“Did you?”
“I guess… it was hard to believe he’d be interested in me. When this happened, I was upset and not thinking straight. It seemed more realistic to think he’d be on Gloria’s plan.”
“I see. You’ve got to convince him that you love him. You do love him… right?” Marcia asked with a cocked eyebrow.
“I do.” I nodded with a smile and reached up to wipe away a tear that had overflowed my eye onto my cheek.
“Then, he’ll get over it. I have a feeling about you two. Imagine how amazing it will be when you really do write a book together! I see great things in your future.” She winked. “Now, go get Jax on board, and then call me so I can get everything going!”
“Yes, Ma’am.” I rose from the chair, excited about her enthusiasm and hopeful for the first time since this mess began. “I can’t thank you, enough.”
“Honey, if you can convince that man of yours to do what is best for all of us, that’s all the thanks I need.”
I nodded. “I’ll do my best.”
“And, Addy?” Marcia called as I approached her office door. I turned to see what she had to say.
“Yes?”
“Know that your book is good enough to break-out without Jaxon’s name attached to it. You should be very proud of yourself. It’s an amazing book.”
My hand rose to fall over my heart. I was so grateful for those words. “Thank you for saying that. It means a lot to me.”
“It’s the truth.” Marcia smiled.
I nodded and left her office.
I was flying with happiness as I left the editor’s office, determined to do whatever was needed to get Jax on board. I hoped the truth was all it would take.
Now, to suffer through the two days until I could go to Tennessee and find the man I loved. Two days of waiting… it would be agony.
27
My intentions were good.
I took myself back to my cabin late Saturday night. I was intent on two things; writing like a madman to finish my book in record time in order to make the publishing deadline set by my publisher and trying to keep my mind off my personal turmoil.
Once I’d returned to Tennessee, I’d been consumed with thoughts of Addison and the hurt expression on her face when I left her in that hotel room, and I spent hours sitting in front of an open laptop doing nothing but berating myself. I’d been an epic asshole, and I couldn’t live with myself… and after my anger had worn off, I was in shock that I could have treated her so badly. I sure as hell couldn’t write a goddamned thing when my mind and heart was consumed with shame, guilt and love.
I was miserable. I couldn’t eat. I hadn’t showered for days. The past four nights had been spent pacing, slamming a copious amount of scotch, and lying awake until I was drunk enough to get a couple of fitful hours of sleep. I’d memorized the imperfections in the wooden ceiling of my cabin as unproductive hours ticked by.
It soon became obvious that in order to function, I would need to swallow my pride and make things right with Addison, if she’d have me. At this point, there was no guarantee. I didn’t want to do it over the phone, or on text, after how I’d behaved. It was weird. I’d been so fucking sanctimonious because after all, Addison was the one to fracture the relationship; she was the one who didn’t have trust in me. In us. But the truth was, I’d discovered something lying here, hurting, staring off into space; though I looked at her as a mature woman, in so many ways she was inexperienced; in love, and life, but certainly in publishing.
I knew I had to face her and beg her forgiveness. It was what she deserved, and I was ready to grovel if needed. The publishing issues all seemed trivial by comparison.
Earlier this morning, I’d packed up the one set of clothes I’d soiled, showered and call my editor to admit defeat and throw myself on her mercy… except she wasn’t in the office and I left a message. I needed to convince Marcia to hold Addison’s manuscript back and push for approval to publish it for her at a later date, on the promise I’d deliver my own manuscript, as soon as I was able.
I knew that in order to be able to work, I had to put things right with Addison, in order to work on the book, and if I wanted to breathe. I’d made the decision to come back to the city last night and so now I was here with my heart in my hands.
If all wasn’t already lost, I thought in desolation. I felt sick to my stomach, and the hollow feeling moved up and settled into my chest. This was a complete lack of control over my emotions was completely foreign to me and I was floundering like never before.
Now, I was standing on the stoop of her building, once again ringing the buzzer like a madman.
Buzz! Buzz! Buzzzzzzzzzzz!
“Answer, damn it!” I muttered, before I realized why no one was answering. It was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and no doubt, both Addison and Michelle had gone home to their respective families for the holiday. I hadn’t considered that she would have left the city. I’d completely forgotten that it was a holiday weekend. I could go to her parent’s home looking for her, but the last thing I wanted was to meet them for the first time under these circumstances.