Why would Caleb write a Will and Testament?
He didn’t know he was dying… he didn’t know.
He didn’t.
And Sasha didn’t know either. She wouldn’t betray me like that.
My mouth trembles as a lump forms in my throat. I read through the scruffy handwriting that states everything Caleb owned was to go to me upon his death, including his trust fund, car, life insurance…
Powerful tears beat at my eyes, making them sting and automatically close, pushing the salty fluid of sorrow from my eyes.
The hole in my heart, that was slowly filling, is now tearing open and gaping even bigger than before. It’s as if it no longer exists for anything other than to hold pain.
I shouldn’t jump to conclusions, I know I shouldn’t.
But why would Nathan keep this from me? Why would Sasha keep this from me?
Does this have something to do with what Mr Weston has been sending me? Something in my mind tells me that this has everything to do with what Mr Weston has been sending me.
A flood of thoughts enter my mind, the first being Sasha. When we went to the park she hinted that it felt strange the way Caleb died, almost as if telling me to look into it, but I refused.
Her being okay with me and Nathan way before there ever was a Nathan and I. She was almost pushy with it. I remember because Tommy snapped at her to leave it.
It’s almost as if she knew Caleb wasn’t what he said he was and she wanted me to stop grieving and move on. Why didn’t I find it weird? Am I really that dense? It’s like a screaming, flashing alarm now.
Nathan… when he said his brother wasn’t who I thought he was… I thought he was referring to the whole him taking me first.
But… how did Caleb know he was dying and I didn’t? He was only ill for a few days before he left the earth.
I clumsily wipe away my tears and carefully place the will on the top of Nathan’s desk. I stare at it for a long moment, willing it to vanish from the desk and my memory.
A cold wave of numbness washes through me, attacking every cell in my body until, finally, my tears dry and I feel nothing.
“Sasha,” I say to her sleepy voice when she answers the phone.
“Yeah? It’s midnight. What’s wrong? Is Dillan okay?”
“I need you to come round; it’s an emergency.” I state. “Dillan is fine.”
“Oh… okay, sure. I’ll be there in fifteen.” She hangs up and I fight the urge to slam my phone down on the desk.
A broken phone is not needed right now.
What do I do? What do I say?
The minute she walks in, I place the will in her hands. Her eyes go wide and her body starts trembling. “Where’s Nathan?”
“Arrested. I’m not sure why. He was in London when it happened.” I take the will back and make my way towards the living room, where I place it on the coffee table. “I’d like an explanation from you, seeing as it’s impossible for me to get one from him right now.”
“Gwen, it’s… complicated. I didn’t want anything to do with it,” she whispers solemnly. “Please believe me. I mean… the will isn’t even legal. Technically.”
“It’s not about the will. It’s not about the money I haven’t received!” I snap, glaring at her. “Did he know he was dying?”
She gulps and very slowly nods her head. “It’s complicated.”
“How did you find out?” I hiss, feeling the pieces of my heart that shattered upon Caleb’s death slowly shrivel to dust. An ache I can’t describe begins in my stomach. It feels like something is crawling inside me. I want to heave; I want to vomit. Instead I stare at her blankly, needing answers.
Her eyes fill with unshed tears and her voice is hoarse when she speaks. “I… I caught him doing something and he had to tell me. I didn’t want any part of it, but… he was… he wasn’t right towards the end. He was desperate to leave something behind. Anything behind.”
My spine stiffens as her words penetrate my anger. “What are you talking about, Sasha? What did you catch him doing?”
“Babe… please…”
“What did you catch him doing?” I screech almost hysterically, my lower lip trembling.
“He was swapping out your birth control pills,” she says, so quietly I can barely hear her.
My breath leaves me in a whoosh, my eyes widen in horror.
Her hands go up defensively. “It was already too late! I was going to tell you. He begged me not to, but it was already too late! You found out you were pregnant the next day. I… panicked. I didn’t want to ruin that for you. Caleb said there was no use telling you now. God… I’m so sorry.” Her tears fall, but I feel no sympathy.
“Did Tommy know?”
“No!” She shakes her head frantically. “No of course he didn’t. Please Gwen… forgive me. I swear I didn’t want to hurt you. I wanted nothing to do with it but… you were already so down about the pregnancy. I thought that if I told you… it would just tip you over the edge.”
“You should have told me!” I shout.
“I know… but you only had months left with Caleb and then that turned into weeks. He deteriorated fast. He was worried he wouldn’t be able to marry you before…” She sniffs and wipes her nose on a tissue from her pocket. “It was awful. I wanted to tell you so many times. I wanted you to figure it out.”
“How… what was wrong with him? He always seemed fine to me.”
“Brain tumour. I’ve forgotten the name of it. He’d been in remission for years. They said they couldn’t remove it, but it should remain benign. It didn’t. It was at the very top of the back of his neck. You’ll have to ask Nathan; he knows more about it than I do.”
“What else do you know?” I need to know as much as possible. I need to know everything.
“He was sick with it when he was little. He didn’t get the all clear until he was about thirteen. Nathan… he was going to tell you. He was so angry.”
I nod, sorting out my thoughts as everything clicks into place.
I remember asking Nathan not long ago….
“Was… umm… was Caleb…”
“No.”
“I don’t understand why it was just you that…”
“Caleb rarely went to our grandfather’s. Maybe he didn’t have the opportunity.”
I remember not believing him. Something didn’t seem right.
“Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad that he wasn’t… I wish you hadn’t had to… but…”
“Spit it out.”
“It makes no sense that he’d only target you.”
Caleb was too sick to stay at his grandfather’s, too sick to be a subject of his abuse. Nathan was probably pushed out so his parents could take better care of Caleb.
I want to be angry. I want to be sad. I want to be… anything! But… I can’t muster any kind of emotion. I don’t know how to deal with this.