I stare at him incredulously and turn back to my bag, muttering, “You’ll be lucky.”
“Gwen, you can’t take him away from me.”
I don’t respond. I keep piling things into my suitcase. Just before I grab the zip, it goes sailing across the room. Déjà vu. My clothes scatter on the ground as I stand staring at the now empty spot on the bed.
Nathan grabs me by the shoulder and pushes me against the wall, effectively caging me in with both arms. “You’re not taking him away from me. I will fight for him.”
“He’s not yours Nathan. You have zero rights to him and you know it.” I snap, trying to duck under his arm, but his quick reflexes catch what I’m doing almost before I know I’m doing it. His hand presses against my shoulder, holding me in place.
“Please,” he says softly. “If I lose you, he’s all I have. He’s still my son. I’ve still been there for him. I’m the one who’s raised him with you.”
“Right… because you’re so stable? What kind of mother would I be if I let my son be raised by a freak like you?”
He gasps and takes an involuntary step back. “You’re just saying that to hurt me.”
“It’s true, isn’t it?” I kick the suitcase across the floor.
“No… I’m good to Dillan. I’m good to you! What does it matter how we began? It’s what we are now that matters!”
“If this were a fairy tale I’d believe you.” I laugh humourlessly. “This… this is just a nightmare.”
“I don’t want you to go. I’ve made the mistake of letting you go before.”
I stare at him, my mouth hanging open. “You didn’t let me go! You forced me!”
“And it was the biggest mistake of my life,” he shouts and stalks towards me, forcing me to move backwards like a mouse away from a cat. “I made a mistake. I should have told you the truth. I know that and there isn’t a second that goes by that I don’t wish I had. Haven’t you ever made a mistake Gwen? One you wished you could take back?”
I inhale a shuddering breath. “Yes. You. You’re the biggest mistake of my life. I should never have let you in.”
He nods, his bottom lip vanishing behind his teeth. “You don’t really mean that.”
“You don’t know what I mean, or how I feel,” I spit, grabbing the front of his shirt. “You’ve never loved anyone or anything in your entire life. And the two people you claim to love you let someone fuck them over.”
His jaw clenches. “Before Dillan was born and before I fell in love with you.”
“Why do you look mad at me?” I scoff. “How can you be mad at me?”
“I’m not mad at you!” He groans, gripping his hair with both hands. “I’m mad at me, at… at this stupid situation.”
“Stupid? You think this is stupid?” What the hell?
“Yes,” he snaps, his eyes narrowing. “I think it’s extremely stupid.”
“I don’t want to talk anymore,” I state tiredly and move over to the bed. I sit immediately and rub my eyes. I feel nothing. Doesn’t he even care?
“I know you’re upset,” he begins, making me snort. Upset? I think I’m far worse than just upset. “But none of it matters anymore. We can’t change it. I can’t; you can’t; Dillan can’t. It’s happened. It’s in the past.” He’s kidding… right? “It’s not worth this.”
I don’t even know what to say to that, so I say nothing. I just stare at him with blank eyes and parted lips.
“I should have told you. It was wrong that I didn’t.” He drops down to his knees and tilts his head so he can look in my eyes. “But we love each other. And we have Dillan. You chose me. You forgave me once. Things have turned out okay; look around you.” He motions to the room with his hands. “We have a nice house, a gorgeous son, good jobs and we love each other. We can get through this.” His gloved hands cover mine on my lap. I resist the urge to pull them free. Another tear falls from my eye. He quickly wipes it away with his thumb and keeps his palm against my cheek. “I will never let you down again. Ever. You have my word.”
“You’ve already promised that,” I whisper, wanting to hear his words and absorb them. God, I want them to take away the pain so badly. “You’ve promised that twice, and this is the second time you’ve broken it. This is the second time you’ve broken me.”
“Not intentionally. All of the hurt you’re feeling now is because of my inaction over a year ago.” His finger gently presses against the underside of my chin, effectively raising my face to see his. “I’d rather die than let anything hurt you now.”
There’s a knock at the bedroom door a few seconds before Sasha walks in. She glances at us both, but speaks to Nathan instead of me. “Dillan fell asleep. I put him back to bed. He’s been fed and changed.”
“Thank you,” Nathan responds, his eyes never leaving me. “Sasha, you may leave.”
She stands in the doorway for a long moment, seeming unsure about which option to take. Finally she nods. “I’ll call you… or you call me when you want to talk, okay Gwen?”
“She will,” Nathan tells her and lets out a breath when she closes the door. He loosens his tie and pulls it from around his neck. On any other day I’d be shocked at him throwing it across the room. “You must be exhausted. You haven’t slept all night.” His voice is soft, soothing. I hate it. “You need to sleep; both of us do.”
Sleep? How can he think of that right now? I’ve just had my entire world torn apart, stamped on and thrown into a raging fire!
But I just don’t have the energy to argue, even though my brain refuses to compute the fact that my body is exhausted.
“And then in the morning we’ll talk.” He shrugs off his jacket and throws that in the direction of his tie.
His hands go to my shoes. He tugs on the laces and takes them off, one foot at a time. My shoes soon follow the path of his jacket. When he reaches for the button of my jeans, I stop him and shake my head.
“You can’t sleep in your clothes Guinevere,” he admonishes, trying for the button again. I push his hands away. He sighs deeply but doesn’t push me again. “We’ll get through this.” His voice is a whisper as his hands grip my hips and pull me to the edge of the bed.
His arm goes under my knees as the other goes around my back and he moves around the bed, placing me on the cool mattress. As soon as my head touches the pillow, the exhaustion I feel really settles in. It’s disorienting being this tired while it’s light outside.
Nathan soon joins me, wearing nothing but his boxers and gloves.
He immediately turns towards me, his arm trying to take its usual place beneath my neck. Shrugging him away, I move to the edge of the bed, needing my space right now. Clearly not taking the hint, he moves closer and slides his other arm over me.
When I feel his lips travel up the curve of my neck, I stiffen and stop breathing. At first I think he’s just trying to comfort me, but when his hand wraps around my breast and his teeth nip at the lobe of my ear, I realise my original thought was wrong, very wrong.