“Don’t do anything you’re not ready to do,” I tell him, taking another step forward.
His chest expands as he inhales a heavy breath and we take five more steps, stopping at the edge of the garden with our toes buried in the sand.
He grins, clearly proud of himself, and I grin right back at him. I’m proud of him too.
“I have something for you.” He digs into the pocket of his jeans and turns towards me. I gasp at the sight of my old necklace, the one I threw away when we first separated. Something shiny winks at me as the sky begins to glow orange. I stare at the object beside the flat patterned disk with the single tiny red gem and tears spring to my eyes. “I remember a while ago I told you that you needed to let him go.” His hands move around the back of my neck and he quickly fixes the clasp of the necklace. “I was wrong. He’ll always be a part of you, of Dillan… of us. Because of him, no matter what happens, we’ll always be connected. I’m grateful for that.”
A sob escapes me as I touch the engagement ring that Caleb gave to me so long ago. It hangs beautifully by the flat disk that Nathan made just for me.
I close my eyes, trying to calm myself as his thumbs brush the tears from my cheeks. “Thank you Nathan.”
“I want to marry you Gwen,” he adds softly and quietly and my eyes spring open.
He pulls my hand away from the necklace, smiling when Dillan tries to grab at it. Seconds later I feel something cool and slightly heavy slipping onto my ring finger.
“I want to die with you when we’re old and grey and have more grandchildren than we can count.” He runs his finger over the single diamond that’s surrounded by a cluster of smaller, more colourful stones. “You don’t have to say yes now, what with everything that has happened.” His eyes come back to me and his forehead rests against mine. My body shakes with emotion so I press it to his. “I understand if you’re not ready.”
“I am,” I breathe, pressing my lips to his. “I am ready.”
His tongue pushes into my mouth and his arms wrap around the three of us, Dillan, myself and the foetus in my womb.
He smiles, his eyes glistening, and he kisses Dillan’s open mouth before kissing my trembling one. “Tell me you love me.”
I laugh once and nod. “Always. I love you. You know I do.”
“Always,” he repeats, smiling even wider. Then he drops to one knee and places his lips against the skin of my navel.
I thread my fingers through his hair, softly stroking his scalp before he stands once more and claims my lips again. “Don’t give up on me. I don’t think I’ll ever be normal… but without you I’m broken.”
“Never,” I promise, lacing our fingers together as Dillan manages to grab my necklace and shove it in his mouth, making us both laugh and battle to pull it away.
I settle in Nathan’s arms, my cheek against his chest, and stare at the orange horizon. There may not be a setting sun, but it’s still beautiful, and in this moment it’s just perfect.
EPILOGUE
“DAD!” I wince at the sound of Emily’s screech as she comes in through the front door and quickly duck into the kitchen. There is no way in hell I’m getting involved with this one.
“I said no,” Nathan snaps, following Emily up the stairs.
She’s just like her father, just like him, in almost every single way; looks, stubbornness, sternness, playfulness and her determination is just crazy. When she wants something, she gets it. If she can’t get it, she’s sour about it for days and sits in her room brooding about it.
I face Dillan, who is currently leaning into the open fridge, spooning butter frosting into his mouth using his fingers. I grab the newspaper from the side and hit him on the back of the head with it.
“Mum,” he laughs, turning and giving me that easy smile that reminds me so much of Caleb. “What’s for tea? I’m hungry.”
“Stay out of the frosting,” I sigh, taking the tub from his hands and gasping at how much is missing. “I made this an hour ago!”
“I’m hungry! You never feed me,” he whines, running his fingers through his hair. The ones that he just used in the frosting.
Gross.
“You cheeky git, I fed you an hour ago,” I scoff, this time tapping him on the back with the newspaper.
“Yeah! She did! I remember,” Ashlyn says smugly, crossing her chubby arms over her chest and staring at her older brother with a sly grin on her face.
Now Ashlyn is all me.
Even I can’t deny the resemblance, from her dark hair and grey, green eyes to her pale complexion. She’s also only six, putting her almost ten years behind Dillan and eight and a half behind Emily.
Dillan scoops his sister off the ground and tosses her over his shoulder.
Ashlyn, whose personality is like mine, just sighs and rolls her eyes. “I wish you’d stop doing that,” she snaps, punching him between the shoulder blades.
He takes her into the hallway, deposits her in the cupboard, closes the door, comes back into the kitchen and retrieves the frosting, before racing up the stairs to his room.
Meanwhile Emily is shouting about some concert she can’t go to and Nathan is trying to explain that she’s too young. At only fifteen she needs to have parental supervision.
“But none of my friends have parental supervision!” She whinges, clearly expecting him to change his mind, which he never does. Give it ten minutes and she’ll be asking me. I’m softer, even though I shouldn’t be.
“Fine, I’ll take you,” Nathan states and I almost face palm.
“For a man who’s so smart, you can be so moronic,” Emily snaps and I hear a door slam. “Emily. Open this door!”
Banging can be heard, followed by more screaming from my teenage daughter.
Ashlyn pads into the kitchen, a bored look on her face. “Why does he put me in the cupboard? It’s not like I can’t get out. I’m six. I know how to open a door.”
Chuckling, I lift her onto the side and hand her a large plastic bowl and a wooden spoon.
“Want to mix?” Her eyes light up and she nods eagerly. My little girl is going to be a chef just like Mummy. I just know it.
“Dillan didn’t tidy his room this morning,” she tells me, clucking her tongue like a mini adult. “And I told him. I said that it’s a pig sty, but he doesn’t care.”
“He’s a teenage boy; he doesn’t care about anything other than food.”
“And girls. Daddy said that he’s on his third girlfriend this month.”
Actually it’s this week, not month. It’s no secret that Dillan is a hit with the ladies. He’s very handsome and, even though he seems to treat them well, they never last long.
“Am I allowed a boyfriend?”
“Ask your father,” I laugh, cracking an egg into the plastic bowl.
She starts mixing like a pro, her little chubby wrist flicking back and forth and her tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth. “He told Emily that she’s not allowed a boyfriend until she’s married.”
I throw my head back and laugh. I remember that conversation. Nathan’s logic, where his Princess is concerned, is sometimes not very logical at all.