“Keep still, Gwen, they’re clearing your lungs.” Jeanine tells me and the tube is finally removed from my throat. I almost vomit but manage not to.
The effort of this forces me to close my eyes once more.
“You’re okay.” Her fingers brush through my hair. “She’s okay, right?”
“She seems to be.” Somebody whose voice I don’t recognise responds. “We’ll still have to take her in.”
“What about Nathan?”
Nathan?
I open my eyes again and try to sit up. I feel like I have very bad sunburn. “Where’s Nathan? Where is he?”
“He’s in the other ambulance.” Jeanine tells me.
My vision finally starts coming back, but my eyes sting badly. I don’t care.
My lungs wheeze and I turn onto my side when painful coughing tears through my chest and throat.
“I’m not dead,” I say suddenly, as everything falls into place. “Which means Nathan’s not dead.” My voice sounds hoarse and I cough in between every single word.
“Thanks to Nathan,” Jeanine responds, her fingers teasing my hair.
“Where is he?”
The ambulance doors close and I hear the sirens turn on. A mask is placed over my face and held there when my breathing gets worse.
“Where is he?” I try to choke out, my eyes boring into Jeanine’s.
“He’s going to be okay,” is all she says and my panic increases tenfold.
I can’t lose him too.
“What’s going on?” I demand, pushing the mask away, wincing when the cool air assaults my charred lungs. The paramedic pushes the mask back over my face. “He’s alive… right? Please tell me he’s alive.”
Jeanine looks to the paramedic, who looks down at me with sad eyes. “They had trouble resuscitating him.” My heart stops and my hand wraps around Jeanine’s wrist. “But I’ve seen worse cases survive. He was badly burnt on his back. His body went into shock.”
“But… how did I…?” If he got burnt, then surely I did too? I don’t feel burned.
“You need to rest,” the woman says, her soothing tone irritating me. “I promise when we get to the hospital I’ll get somebody to update you on his condition.”
“I need to…” I start coughing again, this time more painful than the last. It won’t stop and with each splutter I feel it pound against my brain like a hammer. My lungs are going to explode.
Nathan… he’s more important right now. He tried to save me.
How did he get into the house?
No… he didn’t just try to save me. He chose to die with me.
Please let him be okay.
******
I doze in and out of consciousness, my body still fighting to pump blood around my body after being asphyxiated for so long. Not to mention the fact I still can’t breathe due to my charred lungs, so I’m barely getting enough oxygen as it is.
But none of that matters.
Nothing matters. This is all my fault.
I never should have gone into that house. I never should have blackmailed Mr Weston. He’s done this, but I caused it.
“It’s okay Guinevere,” Jeanine tells me, her hands holding mine. “Everything will be okay. You’ll see.”
“No.” I shake my head, looking at the curtain surrounding the bed I’m on. “I need to see him. I just need to know he’s alive.”
“Your throat sounds like it’s been through a blender,” Mum says as she steps through the curtain. “I’m so sorry. I got here as fast as I could.”
Tears fill my eyes at the sight of her. She rushes over and hugs me gently. “Dillan?”
“He’s okay; he’s with Tommy and Sasha.”
“Mum,” I sob, grabbing hold of her top with one hand. “Please go and find Nathan. Please. Tell him I’m okay.”
She nods, wiping tears from under her eyes. “Okay baby.”
“Quickly. He tried to save me…”
“I’ll go,” Jeanine says and my mum gives her a grateful smile. “I’ll see if I can get you some water too.”
Mum winces when she looks at me and her hand goes to my hair. She runs her fingers through part of it and I’m shocked when I feel them leave my hair a lot quicker than they normally would. My fingers follow the same path hers did and I let out a gasp. “It’s okay, baby, it can be salvaged. You’ll just have to cut it into a bob or something. You’ll still look beautiful.”
I know it’s stupid, almost dying and then getting upset about my hair, but I can’t help it. I’ve had long hair for so long. I’m grateful I’m alive, truly I am.
My main priority right now is Nathan and the baby.
“Mum,” I whisper, removing my hand from my burnt hair. “Please don’t get angry.”
“Oh no,” she says, rubbing her hands with her face and sitting back. “It’s okay Gwen, we’ll get through this.”
I nod, placing my hand on my flat stomach, imagining the life growing in there. “I didn’t tell the paramedic. I didn’t think.”
“I’ll deal with it; now please stop talking. You’re going to damage your throat.” She leans over and kisses my cheek before exiting the cubicle.
The severity of the situation hits me hard and my body starts shaking. I’ve never been so scared in my life. What’s worse is the fact that during the situation, during the heat and the choking on the thick smoke and ash, I didn’t feel scared. I felt detached, like my brain couldn’t process the reality of the events.
The curtain pulls back and Jeanine walks in. She looks stricken and my shaking gets worse. My teeth start chattering and my eyes blur. “He’s in intensive care. He’s…” She shakes her head, choking on her words as sorrow overwhelms her. “He’s badly burned on his back and… they’ve had trouble waking him up.”
“What? But I’m okay!” I try to shout, but it comes out as nothing more than a rasp. “How am I okay and he isn’t?” I pull the blankets off the bed, cringing at the hospital gown that’s wrapped around my body. How long have I been out? How long has he been out?
“Gwen, you need…”
“To see him,” I snap. “I’m fine. I need to see him!”
“Gwen…”
I stand, my legs shaking so badly I almost tumble. My chest constricts, but the pain is nothing right now. Pushing back the curtain, I grab my IV stand and wheel it beside me. “Where is he?”
“You won’t be able to get in,” she tells me, taking hold of my arm. “Nathan wouldn’t want you putting yourself at risk. Just get back in bed.” She’s right, but… “Please Gwen. Before your mum comes back and tells me off.”
Frowning, I do as I’m told, albeit angrily.
Mum finally comes back with a doctor, who immediately takes me for a scan of my womb to check the foetus. I don’t look. I don’t want to look if Nathan isn’t here to see it with me.
“Everything looks fine; the heart beat is strong. I put you at six weeks.” She clicks something on the monitor. “I’d like to keep an eye on things though, just to be sure, and we’ll have to be careful with your pain relief. We don’t want your body going through any more stress.”