We had enjoyed countless orgasms together, but this one had been the most violent. The time apart had been too much for our bodies to handle. We were addicted to one another. I slowly slid off him, reaching for a blanket at the foot of the bed to cover our naked bodies. I had goosebumps and the shivering wouldn’t let up. It had nothing to do with being cold and everything to do with being pleasured beyond measure.
“Run away with me,” he said after several minutes of each of us trying to catch our breath.
“What?”
“I can support you. You don’t need to work. Come away with me. We can go anywhere, do anything.”
My heart jumped. It was what I wanted to hear, but now that he actually said it, I knew there was no way I could do that. “That is a conversation for another night. You are riding high on the afterglow.”
“I’m serious,” he said.
“I want to fall asleep in your arms. I don’t want to think about tomorrow or next week. Let’s just enjoy what we have right now in this moment.”
He kissed the top of my head. “I can do that.”
I said nothing more. There was a lump in my throat that prevented me from saying anything. I didn’t know how to answer him. Nelle had suggested I run away with him, but I wasn’t a runner. I needed to be grounded. Running from his problems wasn’t going to solve anything. Whatever he was trying to work through was still going to be waiting for him when he got back. Running solved nothing.
As much as it was going to kill me, I had to let him go. I had to let him run free. He wasn’t ready to settle down. He wasn’t ready to face the demons that were haunting him. There was nothing I could do to change that. I didn’t want to get caught up in the moment. Those demons would catch up with him eventually.
It would have been incredibly romantic if he was asking me to run away with him because he wanted me. I had a feeling he was asking me to run away with him because he didn’t want to be alone. I was only a slot filler. I was a distraction. That was not going to work for me. I needed more. Sadly, I didn’t think he was capable of offering more than an occasional night of really good sex. Not yet.
Maybe one day. Oh please, let it be one day. I could hold out for a little longer. I could hang on and pray he found a way to soothe his soul.
Chapter 59
Xander
It was like deja vu waking up with Evie in my arms. It reminded me of the hotel room in Oregon. I remembered how I felt in that moment. It was good. Holding her in my arms was damn near as good as making love to her. I knew I wanted it again and again. When we were in bed together, I could forget about everything else.
I wanted the moment to last forever. Why did it have to end? I told myself we could pull the blankets up to our chins and cocoon ourselves for days. I sighed, knowing she would never agree to that. There was no putting a social butterfly back in a cocoon. She loved her job and her people. I would be selfish to take her away from the world.
Just then, I didn’t give a fuck about the world. I wanted her all to myself.
“You are awake before me again,” she said in a sleepy voice.
“I am an early riser,” I said and wrapped her tighter in my arms. “I think I’m cursed. My father cursed us. If I sleep past eight, I feel as if I have broken the law.”
She groaned and snuggled against me. “What could you possibly do before eight?”
“Let’s see. I usually go for a swim, sometimes a run. Then I like to enjoy my coffee and browse the internet. I sometimes sketch out ideas that have popped in my head during the night. Sometimes, I just sit out on the patio and do nothing.”
“Do you go for a swim in your pool or the ocean?”
“Depends on the weather,” I answered. “I love a cool dip in the ocean, but I’ll admit, I don’t always feel that ambitious to climb up and down those stairs.”
“I do not blame you. I did that climb. It’s a miracle I had the strength to climb through your kitchen window.”
I chuckled. “I still cannot believe you did that.”
“A girl has to do what she has to do when things are desperate.”
“I’m glad you did it.”
“Have you been to your house?”
“No.”
“Did you take care of the business you had with Charlie?”
I blew out a breath, my hand absently traveling up and down her arm. “I don’t know. Not really.”
“What do you need to do?”
“That’s the thing. I’m not sure.”
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” she asked. “You only said it was something to do with the business.”
I didn’t want to tell her because I felt like an asshole for my part in the situation. I shouldn’t have left them hanging. I should have thought about what I was doing before I up and left. “That meeting I missed didn’t just cost me a sale. Charlie and I have worked together a lot. He understands me and can read between the lines of my designs. Other mechanics don’t always get what I’m trying to do. Because of that, Charlie’s company handles a large chunk of the manufacturing and building of my designs.”
“Does he own the company?”
“No, but he is one of the heads, even though no one would ever realize it. He’s always got dirty hands and his head in an engine. He hired a crew in anticipation of business picking up with the new fan and rudder design I was supposed to present. The shipping industry is just as rife with rumors and gossip as an old ladies’ book club.”
“Hey,” she said and slapped at my chest. “I used to be in a book club.”
“And how much reading did you actually do?”
She softly laughed. “Good point. Go on.”
“When I didn’t show, it pissed off a lot of people. I didn’t present the design, and therefore, Charlie’s guys have nothing to build. They have plenty of other work, but that’s the work that will keep his regular crew going. The extra team has nothing to do.”
“Ouch. That’s a lot of pressure to put on one guy.”
“Maybe, but I feel responsible. I paid the payroll for a month to keep those guys on, but that’s not going to solve the problem.”
“Does that mean you’re going to release that design then?”
I blew out a breath, staring up at the ceiling. “I don’t know. I suppose I could have a proxy do it for me, but I don’t think anyone can explain it as well as I can.”
“Of course not. You are the designer. You are the mastermind. You are the one they want to hear from.”
“Which is why I’m kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place.”
“Why is that?”
“Because I retired.”
She turned her face up to look at me. “You retired?”
“That was my plan.”
“Oh.”
“Not permanently,” I clarified. “At least I don’t think so. I sound like a nutjob. I really had not given it a lot of thought. I just knew I was done with the life I had. I wasn’t sure where I was going but something had to change.”
“I remember,” she said, sounding disappointed. “Are you rethinking your decision?”