“Yes, I want to go with Roman.” Two weeks. That’s how long I’ve waited to see this man and there is no way I’m going with Ivan now that I know it’s safe to be with Roman again.
“I figured as much, but I wanted to double check with you before leaving.” Ivan walks away from us toward his car, while Roman walks me to his car with Devin and Mac following close behind us.
There are still a few people lingering in the parking lot when we reach Roman’s car. Most of them are getting into their cars or are already in their cars. I’m so happy to have Roman back that I really don’t pay anyone or anything much attention.
I smile up at him feeling awestruck when something catches my eye…
“Disgrace. That’s what you are Sophie. A disgrace to this family…” My father's voice filters into my mind and for a moment I can’t breathe, my body tenses, every muscle freezes, and fear grips onto me sinking its black claws into my skin. I grip onto Roman’s shirt and lean into him seeking his protection. I know he will protect me, but I still can’t force my heart to beat at a normal rhythm.
“What’s wrong?” Roman stops sensing my fear. He looks at me with concern etched into his bloody features. Then as if he knows exactly what I need he pulls me in closer, the warmth of his skin calms me, but it can’t make me stop feeling like I’m being watched like he’s here.
“What is it baby? Are you okay?” Roman’s voice is so gentle, so kind, it caresses me from the inside out touching the deepest parts of my soul.
“I...I...saw…” I can’t get the words out, my mouth feels like cottons been shoved in it, and my tongue simply refuses to work. I’m able to raise my hand and point at a nearby car that just passed us. I saw him, he was right there...in the driver seat...smiling at me, or at least I think he was.
No, no, no…It can’t be true. My eyes must have played a trick on me. He can’t be here. There’s no way he knows where I am. How could he? We are close to Vegas, my family lives hours away from here. There is no way he would be here. He never leaves the community. No, it can’t be him.
“Sophie please tell me what’s wrong. Why are you shaking? What did you see? Was there someone in that car?” Roman sounds as afraid as I look as he looks around, trying to see what I saw, but the car has already turned the corner and is out of sight.
“M-my father, I saw him...in the car, but it can’t be him...right? He doesn’t know where I am, does he?” Panic wraps around my insides. I can’t breathe, the thought of him getting his hands on me again, of hurting me, it terrifies me.
“Sophie, look you’ve been through a lot. It’s completely normal for your mind to make up things,” Mac tries to explain but Roman interrupts him a deep scowl on his face.
“Shut up Mac, don’t tell her she is making shit up. You don’t know the half of it.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Mac sighs scrubbing a hand down his face. I can sense the tension in the air and the last thing I want is to cause a fight. I’m already exhausted, and anxious from watching Roman fight. All I want is to get back to the house and sink deep into Roman’s bed with his arms wrapped tightly around me.
“Alright everybody let’s calm down, get in the car and head home. Roman still needs patched up and we can discuss this on the way back,” Devin tries to defuse the situation and it helps a little bit but doesn’t stop the worry from creeping in.
Mac and Roman nod in agreement and we finally get into the car. Roman slides in the back seat with me and pulls me onto his lap. The drive to his house is quiet, and I rest my head against Roman’s chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. I close my eyes, trying to forget that I just saw my father...or that I thought I saw him. For a moment I consider that maybe Mac is right. My mind must just be conjuring up these images.
Still I can’t help but think maybe I did see him…being afraid of him is all I’ve ever known...the fear is something I’m used to. After being free for the last couple of weeks I think I forgot what it was like to worry, to be truly afraid of something or someone that would actually hurt me.
“Everything’s going to be okay, Sophie. I fucked up. I gave you up for some stupid high but I’m never going to do that to you again. I’m never going to hurt you again, and I’m not going to let anyone else hurt you either. I’ll protect you, with a clear mind from this day forward.” Roman’s voice is filled with guilt, remorse, and maybe even a little pain as he tries to reassure me.
I know he means every word he says because for the last two weeks all he’s done is detox and sit inside his room. If he didn’t mean them then he would still be taking his pills, and I’d be nothing but a faded memory in his mind. Instead Ivan told me he was refusing to come out of his room, to eat or even to talk to anyone. He pleaded with Mac, begging him to see me so he could apologize and while I desperately wanted to go to him, I knew he needed time to take care of himself.
Now I feel like enough time has passed and all he needs is me, just as much as I need him.
We get to the house, and when I walk through the door, I almost feel like I never left. I instantly feel home again. There’s a slight tinge of the memories from that night in my mind, but I’m not afraid, just sad. Roman holds my hand in his, squeezing it tightly as if to say I’m here. I give him a reassuring smile.
We head into the kitchen where Dev offers everyone a beer. I decline as does Roman, and instead plants himself on the counter. I watch Mac as he pulls out his doctoring bag. The amount of stuff he has in that thing is insane. He doesn’t offer Roman anything for the pain, and instead gets to work cleaning his wounds. Once everything is sterile, he gets out the needle and thread and closes all the deep gashes on his face. Devin makes us something to eat while I sit and hold Roman’s hand since he still refuses to let go of me even for a second.
As soon as Roman is patched up and we’ve eaten something, Devin and Mac tell us goodbye and leave, leaving us all alone in this giant house. Nervous butterflies fill my belly. It’s not the first time I’ve been alone with Roman, but it’s the first time being alone with him in two weeks. Roman places the entire house on lockdown through the security system.
“You look tired,” Roman whispers.
“I am,” I admit sleepily. “You don’t look very alert yourself.”
“Yeah, I really need to take a shower though,” Roman announces as we enter his bedroom. He gives me a weary look as if he’s nervous about having me here. And I want to do is tell him he has nothing to worry about, because I know it was those laced pills that caused him to lose his mind and that it had nothing to do with the man he really is.
“Yeah me too.” My tiredness vanishes in an instant just thinking about getting into the shower with him. My eyes rake over his chiseled abs and muscled chest, my body reacting to the man before me as it always has. Even with the bruises starting to form on his skin, and the new stitches, need pools deep inside me. As if a few scars could ruin is perfect body. Two weeks...that’s how long I’ve waited to touch him again, to kiss him, to have him inside of me.
“Are you sure about this Sophie? I’ve missed you beyond words, but that doesn’t mean things have to go back to normal. It doesn’t mean you have to pretend that you still want me.”