Fucker. He knew those words would get under my skin and fester.
Jonas was amused by my concern, maybe even annoyed by it. He wasn’t going to take me seriously or give me the reassurances I needed. And with Benji barely acknowledging my texts and dodging any attempts I made to connect, it looked like I was going to have no choice but to throw myself on the truth grenade.
I wasn’t ready. Not even close. Once Benji knew, I couldn’t pretend anymore. I couldn’t deny that this was … life changing. And after the way he reacted to my kiss, I couldn’t discount the possibility he’d be weirded out by it. Best-case scenario: I’d have to come to terms with my feelings. Worst-case? I might be losing a friend, maybe even two of them.
But I had to take the chance, had to hope that Benji had just been surprised by that sudden kiss, not turned off. Because I already knew, in the heart of me, what I wanted.
I wanted Benji. I wanted to hold him, kiss him. More than that, though, I wanted his heart. Because he already had mine.
Consequences be damned.
Benji
From the sidewalk, Ace’s frat house looked like any other, with the exception of the sign displaying their Greek letters. Our small college didn’t come anywhere near the massive Greek rows that probably existed at large universities, but there were a handful of fraternities and sororities tucked on the backside of campus.
And tonight, it was fulfilling stereotypes, with music spilling out the door as people milled around the front yard with solo cups and vaped in clusters on the large, covered porch.
A frat party was in full swing, and I was about to enter the fray.
See, this is what happens when you try to play it cool with a guy and ask to “hang out” instead of spelling out that you mean a date. It was possible Jonas asked all his dates to party with the frat, but I wouldn’t know.
I didn’t know even if this was a real date, but Tracy had said I should go anyway.
“Might as well see how he treats you when he’s around his friends,” she’d said. “If he’s an ass, it’s best to find out quickly. Trust me.”
I tugged at my T-shirt, feeling naked without my hoodie, but Tracy had forbidden me from wearing it. I’d paid her back by dragging her with me for moral support, at least until I got my bearings and found Jonas.
She nudged me forward, her hand on my arm, grounding me amidst all the chaos. She’d come over to pre-game with me since I’d been nervous as hell. Now that we were here, I was less panicked than I’d expected. My hair looked better than it ever had, smooth and shiny, thanks to Tracy’s magic hands. And I was feeling more confident than I had in a long time, probably aided by the few drinks Tracy had given me.
I made my way through the press of bodies toward the kitchen. I had no idea where I was going, other than toward less packed space. On the counter, snacks were tossed haphazardly, bags of open chips, crackers, cheese, and the like. I hadn’t eaten, too nervous before, so I grabbed a handful of crackers and had just shoved them into my mouth when I spotted Ace standing next to the refrigerator. He had one arm propped on top, stretching his body and lifting his T-shirt an inch, giving a glimpse of shadows and treasure trail that made my mouth go dry. It was full of crackers, so not a great situation.
“Who’s that?” Tracy asked, looking from me to him. Apparently I hadn’t been subtle about staring. “Is he the date?”
I shook my head, swallowing hard to get the crackers down. “Ace,” I croaked.
Her eyes returned to him as her voice turned coy. “Care to explain why Ace is eye-fucking you?”
“He’s not.”
“And you’re eye-fucking him?”
“I’m not!” I hissed, my face heating. I wanted to look away, but I felt paralyzed as our eyes locked and held across the room.
“I really need to hear more about the date that wasn’t a date,” Tracy said. “Were their naked bodies involved?”
The nude sketch flashed into my mind, but that wasn’t what she meant and was way too mortifying to mention. She laughed. “Your face. Oh my God. Why are you meeting what’s-his-face when you’re clearly—”
Ace crossed the room toward us and I shushed her loudly.
“Hey, you’re here,” Ace said. “Didn’t think I’d ever see you at a party.”
“Well, you know…,” I said vaguely. For some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to mention Jonas.
“I’m Tracy, Benji’s invisible friend.”
Ace cut his eyes toward her, smiling his trademark grin. Not his sweetest smile, I noted, but a friendly one. “Tracy, hi. Sorry. I was just so surprised to see Benji here. These parties aren’t really his scene. At least, that’s what he said a couple of weeks ago when I invited him.”
“Oh, as a date, or…?”
I laughed loudly. “No! Not as a date.” I grabbed Tracy’s arm and turned her toward the back door. “Go get us drinks?” Lowering my voice, I added, “Before I murder you.”
She smiled sweetly at me. “One day you’ll understand I’m trying to help you.”
“Go,” I insisted.
With a backward wave at Ace, she sauntered off. It wasn’t until she was gone and I turned back to Ace that I realized he’d barely looked at her. Tracy usually got a lot of attention from guys wherever we went. But, of course, Ace was a decent guy who was probably used to beautiful women showing him attention. He didn’t need to ogle her or come on too strong.
“You’re not drinking, are you?” Ace said as soon as I’d turned back to him.
He’d leaned in close to be heard over the noise of the party, but for once, his proximity didn’t quicken my heart. His words annoyed me.
“It’s a frat party. It’s what people do.”
He scanned the room, nodding. “These parties can get a little crazy, and you’ve never been to one before, so—”
“Please don’t go all big brother on me, okay? I’m here to have fun.”
Ace frowned, a cute crease appearing in his forehead. “I didn’t think this was your idea of fun.”
He was right. The loud music, the close press of hundreds of strangers, the high-pitched squeal of a sorority girl as she gossiped with her cluster of friends, or the obnoxious rough-housing of two guys trying to prove their virility with a bout of spontaneous wrestling in a crowd? Not my idea of fun.
But I wasn’t here to have fun. I was here to—
“Benji, you made it!” Jonas burst into our bubble, wearing a huge grin, his eyes glazed from drinking. Grabbing my face, he smacked a quick kiss to my lips.
Right in front of Ace.
It was nothing to write home about, that kiss. Good thing I wasn’t counting it as my first. Jonas’s kiss was a drive-by greeting, about as personal as a handshake. Nothing like the lightning strike Ace’s lips had set off inside me. But it did confirm one thing for me.
I really was on a date. With Jonas.
Ace
Fuuuuuuuck.
For two seconds, I had thought Benji turning up at this party might be a good sign. That maybe he wanted to see me. But no, he was here to meet Jonas. Jonas, who’d put his lips on him. Who hadn’t caused Benji to leap away or ask to pretend nothing had happened.