“It was a beautiful service. She would have loved all the doves you released.” Her words are meant to soothe me, and I know this. The fact is they only harden me.
“If I was a better man, there wouldn’t have been a need for the doves. I drove this straight at her like an oncoming train.” Holding the tears back, I need to refocus on who I am.
“Don’t do this again, Cord. You are better than that.” Chuckling, I point to the coffin sitting in front of us.
“Does that look like a good man? A fucking child, my child, my blood lying in there. I was in charge of her life, Ava! Look what happened to it!” When she doesn’t turn her head, I force her to. Yanking her head around, I force her to look at the little white coffin adorned with flowers of every color. It’s not so much making her look at the coffin; it’s making her look at reality.
“She died by my hands. Because of me! Why is that so fucking hard for you to understand, Ava!” Shaking her face free of my hand, she takes a step back to look up at me.
“Why do you hate me, Cord? Why don’t you want me near you? You push and push just like you did with her! Is that what you want for me too?” She’s pushing buttons that she has no business pushing. She’s crossing lines that have been drawn for a very long time.
“You think I wanted that little girl dead? Is that what you think? I never wanted that! I never wanted her hurt! She was everything that I’d ever wanted in life. She was the rock that kept me steady! Don’t you see that!” Taking a breath, she lets it sink in. She doesn’t understand me as much as she thought she did. “I don’t want you anywhere near this shit, Ava. It would rip me apart if anything happened to you! I’m falling apart on the inside here. If anything happens to you too, I’ll fucking die alongside of you! When the hell will you step back and realize that?” She moves towards me, but I step away. There isn’t anything else to talk about here. This is done, it’s over. Amelia’s gone but I won’t let Ava be the one to go behind her.
“You’re wrong, Cord! I won’t let that happen to me. I’m stronger than you think!” Chuckling, I walk past her and place the white rose I’ve been holding onto on top of Amelia’s coffin.
“Mia bella ragazza. No one can hurt you now.” Pressing a kiss to the top of the coffin, I turn to walk away.
“Don’t you do this, Cord! Don’t leave me.” Her cries hurt me. It physically hurts me.
Ava runs past me only to spin around to stop me in my tracks with her hands on my chest. I want to lose it and hold her, but I can’t. I won’t allow it.
“I love you, Cord. Don’t you understand that?” Her eyes pool with tears as I nod towards Jordy behind her. As he walks over, I lean down and kiss her forehead.
“I love you too. That’s why I’m doing this.” I let my lips linger on her skin for a few more seconds before gripping her shoulders. “You have to go now.” I’m trying so hard to control my emotions. It’s killing me, ripping me apart.
“No! Cord, please!” As I push her back away from me, Jordy wraps his arms around her.
“I love you, Ava.” She fights him. I knew she would, and it makes me grin slightly. All that fight will come in handy for her later. She will overcome everything she thinks she can’t.
“Cord! Please!” Screams are all I can hear but I block that out as I lower my head. I can’t look at her anymore, I can’t see her broken. This life has claimed me. There is no denying it. This is what I’m destined to be. Once I can’t hear Ava’s screams, I look up as the sky opens up.
The rain pelts me as it falls but I can’t feel it. I’ve become numb again. No feelings flow through me.
“Rest in peace, little Amelia. Your brother will make this right for you, I promise.” This is my promise to her.
I won’t back down on that promise either. The limo lingers on the street as I head towards it. I know she’s giving Jordy hell right now. That’s my little fighter. That’s how I know she will get past this. She’s always had it in her. I’ve had a taste of heaven in Ava and Amelia. I’ve crossed that line into a territory that I had no right to be in. The devil will never hold a place in heaven. I’ve broken the golden rule of life when I strayed from that line. Now I have to head back into the depths of my hell. That line between heaven and hell will always be there. I just need to remember what side I belong on.
5 years later
“You touched what didn’t belong to you. You took a life that held value to me.” Leaning in closely, I whisper in Daniel Gambino’s ear. He tried to run and hide just like the coward that he is. There was no way in hell that I would let this debt go unpaid. He’s the reason that I’ve lost every single thing that meant anything to me. He did hide from me for a very long time but in my line of work, you learn patience and when he finally surfaced, it was my fucking face he saw.
“You wanted a war, Vitale. I gave you one. Killing me makes no difference, this isn’t the war.” His words barely come out. As hard as I'm squeezing my fingers around his throat, I’m not surprised. I’ll never forget Amelia’s eyes when I first leaned down to lift her lifeless body into my arms. I’ll never lose the feeling that I had in my chest. It’s sat there for five years. Five long years of agonizing pain and rage.
“As long as you’re dead, I will win that battle. You have haunted every waking thought that I’ve had. Years and years of pure rage have lit my blood on fire. Now, I will repay that hell.” Gripping his throat a little tighter, I drag his already beaten and bruised body up before slamming it against the wall. With nothing but blackness inside of me, I glance over my shoulder at Jordy.
“Give me that knife.” His eyes flicker with fire; he is just as into this as I am.
“Gladly.” Pulling the knife free of his back pocket, he twirls it within his fingers before passing it to me. I slide my fingers around the handle, letting it all sink in.
“They said she was stabbed ten times. I’ll stab you twenty,” I growl. Pressing the blade to the side of his head, his swollen puffy eye tries to focus on me.
“Go to hell, Vitale.” Bringing the knife down, I plunge it into his stomach.
“Hell? I am already in hell. Welcome, to my domain.”
Chapter 28
I would have thought killing Daniel Gambino would have given me some type of closure, but sadly it hasn’t. The only thing it has done was make me thirst for blood. Eye for an eye, that’s the golden rule. Is it my rule, though? Can I leave it at Gambino’s death and walk away? A part of me wants to ruin every single asshole in that family. I want them all to pay for what he did. Every time I close my eyes, I can see that little face of hers. It kills me inside. It kills every piece of me. I find myself wondering just how much more fight I have in me to make it through the days. It was hard at first. It was hard to wake up knowing she wasn’t going to be there, that neither of them were going to be there.
“You’re wearing yourself thin, Cord,” Nikolai says next to me. Tossing back the drink I have in my hand, I refill the glass.