“True, but maybe another man would have been honest and not treated her like dirt on his shoes or I don’t know, listened to her.” There is no satisfactory answer I can give to that so I choose to say nothing. “Do you still love her?”
“I do.” My love for her is the one thing I am most certain about.
“Let me ask you a question. Now that you have met your daughter, accepted her and love her and then somebody comes along in twenty years’ time and hurts her the way you did Alannah, what would you do?”
“Kill them,” I answer. I would ensure that they suffered. I understand exactly what she’s trying to tell me. I never expected this to be easy but I have to try.
“I want to tell you something about my daughter. She's put up a wall around her heart and the only person allowed in is Charlotte because she feels that’s the only person who won’t hurt her. You destroyed her Nicholas. She's no longer the woman you remember. But she's strong and if you think it’s going to be easy for her to let you in again, it won’t be. I would love nothing more than to see Alannah truly happy again but I'm not sure if you’re the one who can do that. You already had your chance.”
“Doesn’t everyone deserve a second chance?”
“Not always. She waited by that phone for you to call. Even though she kept cursing you out and hating you she still somehow kept some hope until there was nothing left. I was there holding her hand while she was giving birth but she was crying out for you. Do you have any idea how painful it is to see your child in so much heartache and misery?”
I hate the mental image she has just put into my head. I don’t want to picture Alannah suffering but she did, and all because of me.
“No, I don’t. So what do I do? I can’t just walk away from them. No matter how long it takes I’m going to be here and work on fixing us.”
“There is nothing I can tell you that will help. It’s up to Alannah, but if I were you I would concentrate on Charlotte for the time being. Let my daughter live her life and if by some miracle she changes her mind and wants to give you another chance, then so be it. Listen, Nicholas, I know deep down you’re a decent guy who wants to right his wrongs and I’m not going to stand in the way or cause you trouble, because frankly it has nothing to do with me in the end. If she never wants to try again then promise me that you’ll continue to be the best father that little girl deserves.”
“Of course I will. There’s no question about that.” Even though it will hurt tremendously only seeing her a few times throughout the year, knowing that she’s growing up on the other side of the country away from me.
“Well as nice as this has been I should get going.” Gina rises up from her chair to leave. I stand as well but stop her.
“Wait, before you go can I ask you something?”
“I suppose.”
“What about this Henry guy Alannah is seeing?” I watch as she looks beyond me over my shoulder and thinks about her response before making eye contact with me again.
“All I will say is that I know my daughter well, and she doesn’t love him. Goodbye, Nicholas.”
I don’t get a chance to question her further thanks to my phone ringing in my pocket. It’s the head of the London office calling about a problem. The legal department have screwed up a contract for an important deal and I need to deal with it in person and possibly fire a few dickheads. I hate going over there, it does not bring happy memories, in fact the worst time of my life was spent there but I have no choice in this situation but to fly over and deal with it.
So much for spending more time here. I call my assistant to book tickets from here straight to England then call Alannah.
“Nick?” The simple sound of her voice over the phone still has the power to render me speechless and make me pause.
“Hi, I need to fly out to London today, something urgent has come up at work. I may not be able to call Charlie every night because of the time difference but I’ll try my best. I’ll be in touch about my parents coming down in a couple of weeks.”
“I appreciate you letting me know.” That’s all she has to say?
“Can I say bye to Charlotte?”
“Yeah, sure, one second.”
I spend the next two minutes explaining why I won’t be around today as promised. It sucks having to be so far away from them however that’s how it has to be for now. I meant what I told Gina, no matter how long it takes I will continue to fight.
Chapter 14
Alannah
I spent most of last night and this morning cleaning like a crazy person to make sure the house is spotless and tidy. I’m proud of my home but it’s a far cry from the type of life Charlotte would have had back in Sydney with Nick and his family.
I'm nervous and a little scared. I’m afraid of being judged by people who were almost my family. I’m a grown woman for crying out loud, yet I can’t seem to sit still, I straighten the couch cushions over again and double check for any abandoned toys. It's not every day you have to face the grandparents of your child and parents of your ex-fiancé who you haven’t seen for five years.
These past two weeks have gone by too fast for my liking, having heard from Nick only a handful of times since he flew to London. Then late last night I received a text from him letting me know what time he and his parents would be coming over today.
Charlotte has missed their nightly calls and has fallen asleep holding on to the phone a number of times so she is definitely eager to see him. I sat Charlotte down and spoke to her about her father’s family, even showing her photos of them. She is nothing but excited to be getting more grandparents who will no doubt spoil her rotten. She seems to be adapting to having so many new family members in her life quite well. The resilience of children I guess.
I myself have tried to not think of anything to do with the past and concentrate on the future only. Not that it’s been easy. So many memories have been trying to resurface the closer I got to today. When I ran away, because let’s face it, that’s exactly what I did, I believed I had truly left them and everything else behind for good. How wrong I was.
I can be thankful that I’m not nearly as nervous as I could have been if Mary had not called me a few days ago. In fact I’m still reeling from that surprise phone call. Nick gave her my phone number as she believed it best to talk and clear the air before coming in person to meet Charlotte. I was waiting to hear and experience some hostility from her when in fact she tried to make me feel better about keeping my daughter and the reason I left so suddenly a secret, increasing my respect for her.
“Hello?” It’s a Sydney number I don’t recognise.
“Alannah? It’s Mary Moore.” I almost drop the phone from the surprise and disbelief. I sit down on the floor of my bedroom and lean against my bed.
“Um…hi, Mary,” I squeak out, my mouth suddenly dry. Shit, what do I say?
“I can imagine you weren’t expecting my call today but I wanted to talk to you before coming out there this weekend.”
“Okay. Sure.” I comb my fingers through my hair, waiting to hear what she wants to say to me.