“Firstly, I would apologise to you for my son. I realise it’s a little late but I didn’t raise him to be that kind of man. In all honesty, we never knew what occurred between the two of you, he refused to tell us anything. I’m sorry. I should have pushed him and tried harder to get him to open up, but I could see it would upset my son every time I brought up your name. I attempted to call you but by the time we knew anything was wrong you had left the city and changed your number. Why didn’t you come to me, darling? I could have helped you both.” A heaviness settles on my chest making it difficult to breathe while tears fill my eyes.
“I have no real answer for that question besides being extremely upset and wanting to put as much distance between us as possible. I know he’s your son, Mary but you weren’t there that day, you didn’t see him, the look of hatred on his face when he kicked me out, the words he said to me. I was lost in a fog. When I didn’t hear from anybody as time went on, I assumed that you all believed Nick’s version of events. I had no idea that you were all kept in the dark for so long. I chose to protect myself and my baby so I left. Maybe I made the cowards’ choice but I would do it again in a heartbeat. I’m sorry it turned out this way.”
“I couldn’t figure out why or how things went so wrong. You two were so in love.”
“If Nick didn’t believe me what chance did I have of anyone else listening to me? I didn’t want to have to defend myself over and over again.”
“Well, it’s in the past now and we can’t change it. I really am looking forward to seeing you again. We can’t wait to meet Charlotte, Nicholas has told me so much about her and she sounds wonderful.”
“Why are you being so understanding and kind to me?” The million dollar question.
“We don’t hate you, Alannah. Yes we’re upset and hurt over the situation but you’re the mother of my grandchild. I know how much you loved him once and the type of person you are. My son has made mistakes, I’m not denying that or excusing his behaviour however I also know his thoughts and feelings. It’s not a good situation for anyone to be in.”
I stare at the clock on my wall ticking down the minutes to their arrival. I’m dressed in a pair of black jeans with a pink blouse. Charlotte is in one of her favourite purple sundresses with her hair in pigtails looking as cute as can be. I’ve left her playing in her room until they get here.
I think my heart’s going to jump out of my chest from the anxiety. I grab my phone to text Rachael, needing reassurance. She’s been the voice of reason over this entire situation over our many phone calls.
Me: I’m freaking the fuck out
Rachel: What’s going on?
Me: I’m sitting here waiting for them to show up
Rachel: Okay…
Me: Can I pretend I’m not home???
Rachel: LOL No. Everything will be fine
Me: What if they tell me what a horrible person I am?
Rachel: They won’t. Trust me, they’re going to play nice to meet Charlie
Me: I guess you’re right. I’m just nervous
Rachel: Put your big girl pants on. You got this. Call me later
A quiet and gentle knock on the door has me staring hard at it, as if I may be able to peer through the wood. Maybe I can just pretend I’m not home. Now I’m being ridiculous. I wipe my sweaty palms on my pants and smooth down my hair before opening up. There they stand looking the same and as immaculate as they did the last time we were in the same room. Both Mary and Greg are smiling at me. Greg is carrying a large gift bag which I can only assume is a present for their granddaughter.
Do I hug them or shake their hand?
Nicholas appears exhausted, with dark circles under his eyes and about an extra weeks’ worth of growth on his beard. What the hell was he doing over in London? Not your business Alannah, you shouldn’t care if he’s tired.
“Hi. Come on in.” Mary hugs me as she breezes past and Greg greets me with a kiss to the cheek.
“Alannah you look wonderful,” Mary gushes.
“Thank you.” The compliment causes me to slightly blush.
Nick enters last, his cologne wafting over me as he passes. It’s the same one he used to wear when we were together. Back then just the smell of him was all it took to get me needy and naked. Bastard is probably wearing it on purpose. Well I’m not falling for it. Nope, no matter how good he smells.
“Welcome, I’ll go get Charlotte.” I step away taking in a deep breathe to calm my nerves. It’s strange having them here in my home, as if I’ve entered the twilight zone. I enter Charlie’s room, calling her name out. “Daddy’s here with his mum and dad. Are you ready to meet your new grandparents?”
She abandons her colouring, grabbing my hand we walk back out together into the living room. She’s half hiding behind my legs, her shyness taking over as she eyes her grandparents for the first time ever, taking them in. Nick immediately comes over to her, picks her up and walks her over to his parents making the necessary introductions. She trusts him, so if her daddy is smiling and talking to them then there should be no reason to fear them.
“Hello there, beautiful girl. It’s so lovely to meet you. My name is Mary and I’m your Grammie and this here is your Pop Greg.” Mary all but starts crying coming face to face with Charlotte as she runs a gentle hand across her cheek.
“Hello, little lady. I heard you like Disney princesses so we thought you might like to have a castle for them to live in.” Greg says handing her the bag. It’s too large for her to hold on to so Nick takes it allowing her to peek inside.
“Wow. Thank you.” She answers with large and excited eyes. “Can I open it now?” She loudly whispers to Nick who chuckles. Setting her down on the floor he helps her open up her toy. It’s a beautiful plastic princess castle which opens up to reveal different rooms much like a dolls house along with a couple of dolls.
I offer them seats on the couch then stand there as an observer watching them all interact. I keep waiting for an accusatory look to come my way but there’s nothing. They’ve waltzed in here as if the last five years haven’t occurred. My living room suddenly feels too small with them all in here.
“Would anybody like a drink or some coffee?” This way I can step away for a few minutes to try and make sense of my thoughts and reflect on what’s occurring here and the possibility all will turn out fine.
“Coffee would be great dear, thank you.”
“Nick?” He looks over, studying me like he’s trying to find something before answering.
“I’ll have the same.”
A few minutes later I return with three coffee mugs on a tray, my tea and some milk for Charlotte. I place the tray down onto the coffee table and take a seat in the single armchair. I sit back and listen as my daughter questions Mary on her favourite things, movies and food, all while she’s seated in her father’s lap, holding onto one of the dolls. I’m happy to see her slowly opening up to them. In between Charlie’s inquisition, Mary asks me what I’ve been up to and we chat a little about my work and my parents. So far, so good. Some of the tension starts to release from my shoulders.
Greg clears his throat to gain my attention whilst Mary continues to play with Charlotte. He smiles kindly, only his words are not as good-natured as I had hoped.