The Shelf Exclusive: Jamie and Amy – getting back together?
What?
Jamie’s lying sideways on his sofa at the top of the article. One knee is raised and he’s resting his head on his wrist. He couldn’t look more obnoxious if he tried, holding the pillow Amy bought him for Christmas, embroidered with his initials. She also bought an AW pillow to put next to it, but he moved it to the guest bedroom, claiming the colours worked better. She couldn’t be bothered to argue.
1. Why did you dump Amy?
It’s simple. Amy’s a lovely girl. We were just at different stages. She had marriage and kids on her mind, and I had Headplace on mine. That’s my recruitment start-up. Headplace.
2. Why didn’t you just talk to her?
You know what women of a certain age are like. Tears and drama. Amy’s obsession with getting married put a lot of pressure on me, and I admit I buried my head in the sand. But I was trying to get Headplace up and running, and she knew that. It was all too much. Guys, I’m sure you can relate. But hey, that’s in the past, and I can move on.
3. Will you meet up after the show?
We’ll definitely be friends.
No we won’t.
And who knows what the future holds?
Not you.
This experience has been amazing for us. We’ve both grown on the journey. We’ll have to see what happens in four weeks. Never say never!
Never, you twat.
Amy looks up and opens her mouth to vent. But she stops when she sees that everyone’s looking just as outraged. She’ll save it for later, over a prosecco or few.
She turns back to the phone and googles ‘Amy Wright The Shelf’.
About 5,000,000 results.
And there she sees it, at the top of the images. A meme of her sobbing with that tissue stuck to her eye.
EVERY TIME A MAN SAYS ANYTHING #tissuefacegirl
She rolls her eyes, scrolls down the first page and clicks on a review.
Pick of the week: Gemma vs Flick: the battle of the same sexes continues
Are you #teamgemma or #teamflick? That’s the question on everyone’s lips this week as reality smash hit The Shelf continues to bring the nation to a screeching halt every night. We’re halfway through the girls’ four-week experience and we’re hooked on the cringeworthy tension between Gemma Burns (Girl Power) and Flick Brimble (Girly Girl). It’s brilliantly uncomfortable TV that’s dividing the country in two and if you haven’t already, it’s time to join the conversation. One thing is for certain: the groundswell of support for Gemma from the female half of the population is growing. And fast. Watch out, lads! The Shelf continues on Real TV every night at 9 p.m.
‘My God, what drainpipe did he come crawling out of?’ mutters Jackie.
The rest of them look up.
‘I went out with this moron years ago, and he’s just given an interview to The Sun claiming he regrets breaking up with me and that I’m the one that got away! Believe me, mate, you were draped in red flags from the moment I met you. He tried to order my food for me on our first date. Control freak alert!’
The comment stays with Amy as she moves back to the garden, reading a post by a stay-at-home mum about the discrimination she faces in the playground when other mums find out she doesn’t work.
Since when did staying at home become a crime? All I’m trying to do is support my family, and it works for us.
Some of the comments she’s had are awful, calling her entitled, lazy, smug and spoilt.
Amy shuts Facebook down. She’s sick of strangers commenting on other people’s lives. Everyone needs to leave each other alone and just let us be, she thinks.
Jackie’s comment about her ex has given Amy an idea for a blog post. She opens up WordPress and logs into Wandering Amy, the blog she was writing when she first met Jamie. The more time they spent together, which was a lot at the start, the less time she spent writing, and eventually she stopped completely. It was hard to post a listicle about ‘10 Things to Do in London This Weekend’ if all you ever did was sit on a sofa at the local pub or at home watching The X Factor.
Her last entry was a month into their relationship: ‘Why the Cotswolds is the Best Spot For Your First Couple Getaway’. She didn’t think the Cotswolds was the best spot for your first couple getaway. She’d just always wanted to go. So she wrote it, published it and sent the link to Jamie with a wink emoji.
He never replied, and they never went.
The rest of her posts are clichéd London lifestyle features, about where to eat, date, drink, shop and explore. She remembers how much she’d loved it at the time, for giving her a reason to get up early and explore the city on a Saturday. She’d stroll the streets and eat happily by herself, knowing she was doing it for a purpose. Taking photos, jotting notes, making every weekend moment count. By herself. And, when she’d finally had the confidence to push the site live and start posting on social media, she’d felt a huge rush of personal achievement that she’d never felt before.
Well, maybe not about ‘21 Surprising Facts About Foxes’.
She had forgotten about Wandering Amy, but she hadn’t forgotten how much she loved the process, which is why she’d started scribbling down ideas for a new blog last year. What Jackie just said has stirred something inside her, and she has thirty minutes to get it live.
Twenty-Six
All the Warning Signs He’s Not the One
Hi. It’s me, Amy Wright. Or perhaps you know me as one of those poor women who was dumped for entertainment in front of millions of people on hit show The Shelf.
Could you handle the humiliation of having your break-up broadcast for everyone to watch? Having every move filmed and every word analysed over a month? Having your worth valued on whether you can look after a baby, stay calm in the face of unfair criticism and keep your hair perfect at all times? I know I’ve struggled, but I’m still here, hanging on.
I’ve come this close *pinching my fingers* to leaving the house, but I’m so happy I’ve stayed. I’ve learnt more about myself in the last two weeks than I have in the last two years. But it isn’t the tasks and challenges that have taught me. The lessons I’ve learnt have come from the unlikely friendships I’ve made with a group of incredible women who share much more than this ridiculous experience. With women who share the strength of character that it takes to stay, endure and come out the other side laughing.
I’m being soppy. I’ll stop.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt from the women around me is that listening to your gut is more important than obsessing over the size of it. To pay attention when that nagging feeling begins to scratch at the back of your mind. Almost every relationship story I’ve heard on here shares a similar beginning.
‘I ignored the signs.’
‘I heard alarm bells.’
‘In hindsight, I should have ended it then.’
‘It was a major red flag.’
I’ve come to realise the importance of listening to that quiet inner voice when it whispers that something’s not right – not shutting it down in a desperate attempt to find love. To trust my instincts when they tell me he won’t make me happy.