His hips bucked against mine like he was in dire need to be deep inside of me. My nails marked his back as I took what he gave, and I gave him what he so clearly needed of me. I tried not to think about the fact that this might be our last time together.
Kova muttered in Russian but I couldn't make it out.
For the first time in a while, pleasure rose in my blood. My hips surged against his, and the feeling intensified inside of me. We both moaned at the same time in breathless anticipation at the connection. We felt too good together.
Holding onto Kova's biceps as he took me, I kissed his shoulder, the honey curve of his neck, and every inch of his skin I could reach. My inner thighs were wet with both of our desires. His lips found my neck, and my head rolled back in euphoria. My body tingled. I was on the cusp of craving and need. I found myself chasing what only he could give me.
"I cannot lose you," he whispered so low I almost didn't catch it.
Kova's fingers pressed into me. He was speaking in Russian again, but it was a mumbled mess. His body was like this emotional wave crashing into me, shaking violently as if he was lost to something bigger than us.
He pulled out and dropped his weight onto me, then he laced his fingers with mine and stretched our arms above my head. I felt that telltale feel of an orgasm climbing. My mouth fell open and I moaned in pleasure. This man… What he did to me… My toes curled and I wrapped one leg around his from the pressure between my hips.
"Tell me you love me." Kova demanded, but I flinched when he surged back inside me. He was going so deep. "I need to hear it, Adrianna," he said, his eyes clenched shut like he was the one in pain. "Tell me you love me the way that I love you. It is me and you, Malysh." His forehead creased with harsh lines. "Me"—he withdrew and surged in slowly, then let out the sexiest moan yet—"and you."
I attempted to speak, but Kova kissed me ruthlessly, pulling my bottom lip into his mouth and tugging on it. We were two passionate people who were both the best and the worst kind of people for each other. And yet, we couldn't stop. We were addicted to one another.
He squeezed my fingers tighter and brought our joined hands to the sides of my head. My back bowed in response, and I clenched around his fingers, holding on for dear life when I felt the burst of pleasure slice through me.
The orgasm rippled from me and I exploded around his cock. My hips began thrusting into his, desperation glided my clit over his dick, fast and quick. I inhaled. Kova hovered over me, riding me until I saw stars and felt the bursts of energy kiss my skin. He dropped his head to my breast and tugged on my nipple with his teeth. His tongue twirled around it and latched on, pulling on the sensitive tip. A blooming heat spread through my limbs. My pussy clenched around him again, and I was floating down from oblivion.
His cock twitched and his thrusts quickened. Kova ran his nose along the line of my jaw. He grunted in bliss, and I could tell he was getting close to finishing. His back bowed as he fought his release, but I wished he would just let go already. Kova withdrew from me and sat up. His hands reached for my hips and guided me onto his lap. He glanced down to line himself up with my entrance, and froze to a standstill.
I frowned and followed his gaze, curious as to why he stopped. When I looked down, my heart dropped. He was staring at my stomach again.
His lips tugged down.
"I'm okay. Keep going." When he didn't move, I lifted his chin and nipped at his lips. "Kiss me. Kova, please kiss me, I need you."
He finally met my gaze. My stomach tightened at the pure anguish in his eyes. Color seemed to drain from his cheeks.
"I cannot do this to you."
No.
He looked down again. The back of his knuckles grazed gently over my skin. His eyes lifted with an unspoken apology and I felt the final straw snap inside of me.
He exhaled a swoosh of air, then said, "Prosti—"
"No," I said firmly even though emotion clogged my throat. My heart dropped into my gut. "Do not say that."
"I am sorry," he said, his chest heaving rapidly as if he was struggling to breathe.
I gripped his arms tighter and held onto him for dear life. "Kova, I'm fine. I promise I'm okay. Please don't stop." I pleaded with tears in my eyes now. "Please, Kova. I love you. We need this. I need this. Don't let your mind go there. We're here, we made it." When he didn't budge, my voice shook with panic. "Kova, I'm begging you, don't do this to us."
He looked at me, but it wasn't enough.
Cupping my face, Kova pressed a kiss to my lips before laying me back and rolling over off me. He placed his hand on his stomach and stared up at the ceiling, looking like he was absolutely wrecked. I broke down and covered my face as I lost myself witnessing his state of emotion.
"I am always going to be a source of pain for you," he said, more to himself than to me. His voice was gut wrenching.
I cried harder, quieter, consumed by the obvious shift in our relationship that struck with force. Pressing my knees together, I drew in a long breath as I watched him sit up at the end of the bed. Kova dropped his head into his hands and didn't move. Each second that passed with his back to me was another layer stripped from my heart. Every breath he took was one he chose to take without me.
I pulled the blanket over to cover my chest and then wiped my eyes with it. I sniffled when he stood up and pulled his shorts on.
"I love you, but this is too big for us to overcome this time, Ria." He faced me with tears in his eyes. "It is only going to get worse. Oklahoma is a good idea. Knowing you are close to me, I would have to find you."
I couldn't take another minute of this and cried out. My heart was about to pump out of my chest and explode. All I could do was try to catch the shattered pieces with slippery fingers.
"I do not want this to end, but I do not see another way for us any time soon. I cannot—will not—keep putting you through all this hurt. I refuse to continue doing that to you. Being in your life while you are going through treatment would only bring more agony."
"You think leaving will make me happy? Don't you understand that the thought of life without you breaks my heart? I don't think I can survive without you, Kova."
He studied me for a moment before replying. "You are much stronger than you think." He was shutting down, withdrawing from the conversation, but his next words obliterated my heart. "I think you should go back to your room."
Kova stepped into a pair of shoes after putting his shirt on, then reached for his cell phone and room key on the dresser. He slipped them into his pocket. I curled onto my side, the chilly comforter cooling down my cheek. Pulling my knees up, I hugged myself as I watched him walk toward the door.
This didn't feel real. This wasn't us. Not after how far we'd come.
Kova was walking away from me. He was taking everything that I willingly gave to him with him. I allowed it, though, because I loved him. I loved him with every bone in my body, and there was not a single thing I could change about that, or would change.
The further he got from me, the more I held my breath. Stopping with his hand on the knob, Kova tilted his head down then to the side. He lingered, then looked back at me.
My lungs seized from lack of air. My stomach was a mess. I wanted to scream at him or call him a coward again, anything to make him stay and fight through this hardship with me.